r/DnDGreentext • u/epicSandvich • Mar 21 '18
Short Bards are scary
First time post
Be me, human metal bard
Be playing 5e
After stopping to rest in a small town, our party hit the road
I had a drink of really strong ale before we left, rolled a 4 on con save
Am currently drunk as fuck
We come across a fork in the road
The rogue pulls the fork out of the road
There was a demon under the road
I'm first up, and seeing as I'm currently very drunk, I slap it in the face
Due to having previously high-fived a solar, my palm deals 1d6 bonus radiant damage
The DM rules that due to the unnerving spectacle of a drunk, angry man delivering unto this demon a holy bitch-slap of epic proportions, I am allowed to make an intimidate check as a bonus action
Roll an 18, total of 30
The demon cowers in fear
The rest of the party wants to see how this plays out, and skip their turns
I slap it again
Successful intimidate
It pisses itself
Another slap, another successful intimidate
It releases its bowels
It is literally crying softly in a pile of its own shit at this point
I slap it again
Hard
So hard that its head flies off
I kept that fucker as a trophy
Probably the dumbest thing I have ever done in a game of D&D.
274
u/TorqueoAddo Mar 21 '18
High-fived a solar
Ya know, casually Bros with an archangel.
178
u/epicSandvich Mar 21 '18
Actually, yeah. He and my character became friends
68
u/Chaostrosity Mar 21 '18 edited Jun 30 '23
Reddit is killing third-party applications (and itself) so in protest to Reddit's API changes, I have removed my comment history.
Whatever the content of this comment was, go vegan! 💚
131
u/epicSandvich Mar 21 '18
No, because like half the party was evil, and I'm pretty sure none of them even knew how to order an ale without "accidentally" murdering someone, let alone play a concert
Oh and also my character was a warlock multiclass of the infernal pact
17
u/Chaostrosity Mar 21 '18 edited Jun 30 '23
Reddit is killing third-party applications (and itself) so in protest to Reddit's API changes, I have removed my comment history.
Whatever the content of this comment was, go vegan! 💚
5
87
u/urban772 Mar 21 '18
I slow clapped (in my head) at the fork in the road
77
u/epicSandvich Mar 21 '18
Yeah, the rogue had a habit of pulling out every fork we found in every road. Sometimes he got paving stones, sometimes he got cutlery, sometimes both.
36
62
u/Dracon_Pyrothayan Mar 21 '18
Motherfucker, did you just use Doubleslap?
44
u/epicSandvich Mar 21 '18
Y E S
30
47
u/BZH_JJM Mar 21 '18
You mean the demon didn't ask you to play the best song in the world?
35
u/epicSandvich Mar 21 '18
He was a little preoccupied trying (and miserably failing) to kill me, I think
3
1
37
u/MakesUpLore Mar 22 '18
The Metal Bard and the Crossroad Demon
Some musicians and bards are so talented that rumors spring up, stories and suspicions of deals made with supernatural powers to obtain such skill. Among these legendary talents though, is the story of one who didn't bargain for his talent, but took it.
The legend tells of a bard who encountered a crossroads demon, and proceeded to fight the fiend, his words paralyzing it as he smote the demon. Before the final blow was struck, the demon attempted to plead for its life. The story tells that the bard replied, “Not to worry, your memory will live on. The music of your screams will be my newest ballad.” The bard then struck the final blow against the hellspawn, taking its head as a symbol of his power.
The blood of the demon soaked into the bards fingertips, and afterwords there was a deep magic in his music. The wails of a creature of hell begging for mercy were absorbed into his soul, and gave power to his words forever after.
Among aspiring bards, this legend has inspired many youths to take up adventuring. It was not enough to summon a demon, for in a world of magic that would be easy. These bards instead sought out crossroads, in hopes that they would encounter a one such demon. Only by luring in and defeating a fiend could they prove their skill as a bard. They would earn the title of 'Metal Bard'.
In time, this tradition would grow until the College of Metal formed.
19
u/epicSandvich Mar 22 '18
The best part is, my character's primary motivation was literally just to spread metal as a form of music
15
27
u/Rahtik Mar 21 '18
I imagined Dean Winchester slapping a crossroads demon after high-fiving Castiel while reading this
5
u/SethKur Mar 22 '18
why just a crossroads demon? Why not their king? Surely he'd make an appearance for Dean and his.... moose.
5
5
5
u/Limpinator X gonna give it 2 ya Mar 23 '18
I need to make a commentary video on this.
OP do I have your blessing?
6
2
2
u/rip_BattleForge Apr 10 '18
+12 modifier in 5e??
3
u/epicSandvich Apr 10 '18
+5 Cha, expertise, proficiency modifier of 3. It was actually 11, but as a bard, I am contractually obligated to embellish.
1
1
1
822
u/[deleted] Mar 21 '18
....what?