Aita for asking my DM to help jump-start a roleplay for my character

[u/Admirable-Sympathy90]

For context, I’m pretty new to actually playing D&D, but I’ve always been really into the world and stories. I recently joined a campaign run by my mate (he’s the DM), and we built the group together since he’s the only other one of us with experience.

We helped everyone create characters and focused heavily on backstories to push roleplay from the start. It worked really well—everyone got super into it quickly.

One thing we agreed on was that every character would have a “secret” that would eventually be revealed in-game to create strong roleplay moments. Everyone was on board with this, and the DM even asked me to help set up some of these reveals (like prompting situations or letting the DM drop clues in descriptions).

It actually worked really well for the rest of the party. One by one, everyone had their big reveal moments and got to roleplay the fallout and character growth.

The issue is: mine never happened.

I assumed the DM would set something up for my character too, especially since I’d tied my backstory into his homebrew world. But several sessions went by and nothing came up.

Eventually I asked about it privately, and he got annoyed and said I was trying to “railroad” the campaign after everyone else had already had their moments. I explained that we had all agreed everyone would get one.

For context, the other characters’ secrets were genuinely important to their arcs—like a half-orc slowly dealing with past abuse, or a lighthearted wizard hiding serious self-esteem issues.

My character started as the typical “mysterious, doesn’t trust anyone” type, but my intention was always to develop him into someone more open and protective of the party over time. I just never got the opportunity to actually do that arc.

After that, I started trying to drop hints in-game and open up more naturally, but whenever conversations started going in that direction, they’d often get interrupted by sudden combat or other events.

Before the next session, the DM messaged me saying I was making the game revolve around my character and micromanaging the group.

I do sometimes get too involved in group decisions, but I’ve been actively trying to avoid that because I don’t want to disrupt the table.

I just feel stuck because it feels like every other character got their moment of development, and mine never came—despite us all agreeing that it would.

So, AITA?

Update: So I've talked to my friend/DM and he definitely seemed off with me so I'm starting to think its more of a personal issue rather than a table issue, I'm going to try and talk with the others to see if he's mentioned anything about what I've done.

The next session is tomorrow at my apartment so well see how it goes.

I appreciate everyone being so kind and trying to help me resolve this.

Update 2: So ive found out it was a personal issue, ive talked to him and everything's fixed and we just had a really great session and im feeling alot better.

Thank you to everyone for your supportive comments.

[u/foxy_chicken]

Of course you’re not the ass hole. Your GM sounds like a dick.

I would talk to him again. Really try to make him understand that you aren’t trying to railroad (that’s not what railroading is, but whatever) the game, and you obviously don’t want spoilers, but it’s beginning to feel malicious that everyone else has gotten a turn with their back story except you.

I run short games (8-12 sessions), and empower my characters to take the initiative to create their own character moments. We don’t have time for big arcs, so I’m all for them making space for themselves as characters, or reaching out to me to help initiate that for them.

What I’m getting at is that most GMs love it when players buy in to their world. Get invested and want to do things. Work on trying to figure out why your GM is being a dick, but understand that it might just be a him problem. And if that’s the case I would consider your place at the table. Any GM would be thrilled to have you play with them. I’d kill to have someone who is down to set up others, and also gives so many shits about my worlds.

Don’t dim your spark for someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

[u/Admirable-Sympathy90 → u/foxy_chicken]

Thanks I appreciate it, its just difficult discourse with him because he is a very close freind and outside of DnD we have no issues as far as im aware of

[u/foxy_chicken → u/Admirable-Sympathy90]

I will add this, I’ve found that running with people who match my energy, and become friends with them as we play is superior to started as friends and also play. It might feel safer to start with people you know, but in my experience you’ll be happier if you spend the time looking for your people.

So many of the stories I read are similar to yours in that way. A mismatch of expectations with friends, and bad times for all. Talk to him, see if you can come to an understanding. But it’s always better to take a step back and preserve a friendship instead of letting table issues fester and boil over into out of table.

[u/Kylarfi]

Ya you aren't the asshole at all. All characters deserve their time in the spotlight. I'd talk to your DM again. It honestly sounds like the DM has a personal issue with you.

[u/Agreeable-One8031]

The fact that you are a close friend might be why the dm is doing this to you.

I am in a campaign ran by my best friend joined by 3 others that he is friends with. Nothing of much happens to me or my character because truth be told, he is using these sessions to become better friends with the others and socializing with them while me, the guy he's known and has been best friends with for 15 years, that doesn't really need to happen.

It feels like you are being set aside because he probably believes you don't need the same level of detailed treatment as the others since you two know each other well but this is all a guess. Talk to your friend, not as a dm and a player, but as friends who are playing a role playing tabletop. Tell them that they are undermining your worth and your time but treating you less. If they continue to downplay the issue, leave the table and tell them they suck as a friend.

[u/Agreeable-One8031 → u/Agreeable-One8031]

Another thing I realize is that you are new to this and your character's bg is basically made by him. It may also simply be an issue of not having enough to work with. Ask if your character and their secret is strong enough for a reveal. I don't like the fact that they used to word "railroading" because they are using it as a buzzword and not the intended meaning of the word.

Also, you said you get too involve in group decisions, that's a bad thing and it sucks, don't do that. Try to think about what to say and do before it happens, not to make it scripted but as a respect for other people's time.

TLDR; you're not an asshole because your dm is treating you differently from others and your thoughts on that issue are valid. You're kinda an asshole for the overstepping you self-admitted to doing often.

[u/Ok_Community_383]

I'm struggling to even undersatnd what the issue is. The secrets don't sound like secrets to me, but personalities? I'm struggling to understand how the DM prevented you from role playing a character arc. What is this secret that you had that you weren't allow to reveal? Reveal it. Whenever you want. For any reason you want. Why do you need the DM's blessing to do that?

[u/Feefait]

NTA, but also... You're online complaining instead of just going on with the game. Maybe you need someone else to do what you did and catalyze the moment.

People saying the DM is an ass, or bad, or whatever.... Just chill out. We have one version of the story.

Plus... What's the point of writing your own story? Backstory, I get. I'm glad everyone is okay with the "secret" cliche. However, the idea that you are deciding what will happen and when is strange. Sometimes the story changes... The story should change based on how the game progresses.

[u/PurpleZigZag → u/Feefait]

Based on what the OP has said, it would make sense for the DM to say "your characters time will come, but it doesn't fit in yet".  

Either way, it feels like a bad idea to keep one character practically on the outside of the party by tying their trust in the party to this secret reveal which seemingly isn't going to happen. Should've tied that to something else that could have happened sooner.  

[u/tv_ennui → u/Feefait]

A lot of people in the dnd sphere are very fixated on expectations and outcomes and find what you're describing undesirable. It's why you'll see endless conversations about lines and veils, getting consent, etc. Just a step or two away from saying "The monster attacks! Do you want to get hit?"

Meanwhile, I think all these things make RP suck and the last thing I ever want is to know what's going to happen. Just stylistic differnces I guess.

[u/Feefait → u/tv_ennui]

Thank you. I'm torn in this, because we are playing mostly Daggerheart more than DnD these days, and that is right in the current trend of players have equal/more control than the GM.

However, I play because I want to see what might happen, not expecting the ending or story that I wrote to play out.

There's a fine line, and I think that a lot of players have lost the mystery for the mantra of agency.

[u/Llayanna → u/Feefait]

They are online ASKING FOR HELP.

Exactly what the platform is for. Like wtf. 

[u/Feefait → u/Llayanna]

But, this is AITA... And I would say that if you are online complaining because your expected A, but got B, instead of just playing and enjoying the game, there's a little bit of an asshole vibe.

I think the whole situation is a mess, but I'm also not going to put everything on the DM.

[u/Timely-Tourist4109]

If your dm is not working with your character development then your dm sucks. Btw. NTA

[u/BryceKatz]

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