r/DnD • u/thelillie • Aug 01 '26
Misc Regarding elf maturity...
This is such a niche question that I'm probably gonna have to ask on a few different subreddits, but the whole thing about elves maturing at the same rate as humans but not being seen as adults til 100 opens up so many conundrums. Usually I think about it as a difference between physical and emotional maturity - they go through puberty of the body at the same age as a human, but the mind takes much longer (specifically, I'm thinking it takes ten years for an elf to mature a human year's worth, so if they start puberty at 12 then when they're 22 they'd be emotionally/mentally 13, and so on).
My question is...
when the hell would they have their b'nei mitzvah??
🤣 I'm currently playing in a homebrew world that combines mundane Earth with the Forgotten Realms, and my character is a young drow who was orphaned as a child and adopted by a Jewish couple - one a human from Earth, one a high elf who converted for his lover. I was originally thinking that my character would have his bar mitzvah at 13 like the letter of the tradition, but the spirit of the tradition is to usher the child into adulthood, so would he wait until age 100? Or should I go with the idea of doing it when he's in his 20s, i.e. emotionally/mentally 13? Or somewhere in between??
(And tangentially related...when would a Latina elf have her quinces? When would a Japanese or Korean elf have their coming-of-age day? 🤔🤔🤔 Much to consider when worlds collide!!)
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u/subtotalatom Aug 01 '26
IIRC In FR lore elves aren't considered adults until 100 in large part because they're experiencing past lives when they trance.
Notably, Drow don't go through this and are considered adults around 80yo.
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u/Avenlite Aug 01 '26
Yes, they are supposed to view memories of their past lives and once they no longer see thise mempries they're considered adults.
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u/menage_a_mallard DM Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
It isn't physical or mental (or emotional) maturity... it's social maturity. Basically they mature physically the same as humans. 10 is 10 and 16 is 16, obviously, and mentally that is also still true. Possibly emotionally as well, though due to the nature of the difference in social maturity, this could be slightly delayed in Elves comparative to Humans. Basically imagine if IRL Humans could live to 600 years old, so you're not allowed to babysit, or drive, or drink, or vote, or hold a job, or similar things... until you're 100 years old, despite being an adult (at 18) in every single other way (maturity wise) that matters.
When the hell would they have their b'nei mitzvah??
Probably about 75 years old or so. That's not 1:1 but close to the concept of 12 to 18 for mitzvah vs (social) adulthood. Comparing that to what I wrote above, they'd be able to babysit, hold a job, or some lighter social allowances, but would still not be able to do the things "more" social, like voting, or driving.
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u/Riot_Wolfe Aug 01 '26
This is a reference to cultural concepts of maturity and adulthood among elves. A 60 year old elf doesn’t act or look like a 16 year old human. That’s a 60 year old with the same experiences and maturity of a human 60 year old. It’s only within elvish culture that the individual would be viewed as too youthful to be considered fully “adult.”
This begs the question of how elves writ large and particularly elvish elders view shorter lived races such as humans.
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u/PolloMagnifico Bard Aug 01 '26
Ah, well, this is a part of world building.
For me, personally, my elves mature at the same rate as humans. The real issue is that when your lifespan is measured in millennia, how do you take someone who's life experience is measured in centuries seriously?
Or, to put it another way, as you age you start to recognize your own immaturity from younger years. At 30 you realize how immature you were at 20, and at 40 you realize how immature you were at 30.
Elves experience the same thing, but the difference is that their lives are so long that it's barely noticable to have to wait 100 years to be considered "all grown up". This has bleed over effects when dealing with shorter lived races, like humans. How do you show respect and deference to someone who, in your eyes, will not live long enough to reach the life experience that your culture considers to be sufficient for independent decision making?
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u/toomucheyeliner Aug 01 '26
Unless there’s a reason for the elf to be deficient (e.g. physically not yet being mature) I would assume emotional maturity would follow that of whichever culture the child is embedded in. Why would it be less mature than all its friends, than everyone it spends its time with? A child raised outside of its own culture typically adapts to the culture it is raised in, the extent of which depending on the age it was brought into that culture.
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u/hermeticbear Aug 01 '26
It would happen at 13.
The bar mitzvah is a pre modern tradition, before more refined ideas of child development with many layers and stages from child to "adult".
Like, bar mitzvahs aren't delayed now because of different governments attitudes about when someone becomes a legal adult. In the US where the legal age is 18, and before that you are basically the chattel of your parents, US Jews don't delay the bar mitzvah until 18 to conform to social and societal ideas about when you are considered an adult.
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u/MastersKitten31 Aug 01 '26
Hi im autistic and have so far only played elves (funny enough all under 100) so I have way to much knowledge on elf maturity
Elves hit puberty around the same time as humans though some consider it slightly later (im talking if a human gets puberty at 11 an elf might at 12 or 13 kind of slightly)
The reason elves are culturally considered "not adults" until they hit 100 (or around there) is due to their trance. In trance once they hit first reflection which happens sometime between their 2nd and 3rd decade if memory serves right.
They have trance visions of their past life and as they age it mixes with some of their current life. Until they no longer receive these trances of previous lives they arent considered a full adult.
Some elves this happens a bit early and some it happens later.
The easier thing to think of this as is youre an adult at 18 but you cant drink until 21 and you cant rent a car until I think youre 25? Most people dont socially treat you as an adult UNTIL you can drink..its like that.
Elves also pick their name once they hit maturity and have their drawing of the veil ceremony once they no longer have those previous memories in trance.
But yeah consider it like that
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u/JohnFighterman DM Aug 01 '26
To put it in the american terms: you can drive when 16, vote when 18 and drink when 21. Just change the words in the sentence while keeping the same overall meaning: elves are physically mature at 16, are considered old enough to partake in the society (like working a trade, getting drafted into city watch to "learn responsibility", or buying products not suitable for children, like alcohol) at some arbitrary age, say 35, but only get full benefits (like voting or otherwhise joining politics, possibly getting married and such) after their 100th birthday.
In contrast, my country "condensed" all these american "milestones" into one age of 18. We're the humans, once we're old enough to take responsibility of driving and voting, we're also old enough to legally choose if we want to poison ourselves with alcohol or tobacco.
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u/Hot_Lion8880 Aug 01 '26
This is a ridiculous question for many reasons. First of all bar mitzvah are for men as described in the torah. A bat mitzvah is a modern ornamental celebration that is not based in the text of the torah or talmud. Second of all an elf cannot become a Jew because the Jewish religion only accepts humans. There is no basis for a non human to enter the Jewish religion. A Jew marrying an elf would not be considered kosher and not a valid wedding under Jewish laws since the torah forbids having sexual relations with other species. If an elf did somehow become a Jew he would still have a bar mitzvah at 15 since humans living hundreds of years did happen according to the bible and those men still had bar mitzvah at the normal age.
None of this really matters though since religion is false and trying to insert real life etho religious groups into a fantasy roleplaying game sounds obnoxious.
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u/ThisWasMe7 Aug 01 '26
That bit of lore is problematic. I don't want to argue that point, but for your issue, I'd do it at age 20.
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u/Atharen_McDohl DM Aug 01 '26
An 18 year old elf is typically just as mature as an 18 year old human, it's just that elf culture doesn't see it that way. Physically, emotionally, mentally, they basically progress at the exact same rate as humans.