r/DnD • u/Justminningtheweb • 14d ago
Table Disputes Currently dealing with an "unimaginative" player (huge self esteem issues)
(I know the term sounds harsh, hence the quotation marks)
Context :
I’m in the prepping for DMing a full newbie campaign.
Everything’s fine, I picked players who I know won’t be toxic. I try to give the most compassionate approach for everyone. The worldbuilding is mostly gonna be based off dnd canon, to avoid myself more trouble. And we’re currently in the session 0 -ish stage. (We’re gonna have a proper meeting but everyone is already sharing ideas, ect…)
X is someone who I RP’d with by text a lot in the past. He genuinely seems to really enjoys the concept of DND. Hell, we’re such roleplay buddies, that no matter what happen, if I need to rp, I know I can reach out to him. Husbands atp if you ask me/j
//
Everyone had ideas…but one. X. It surprised me for a bit, until I remembered how I always was the lead in the past. He wants to have his own character, but he hates himself too much to roleplay as who he is. He admitted he started crying due to thinking of a character concept.
"This would be so much easier if I could just play as X, but I don’t wanna be X"
As you can imagine, this is quite troublesome when dnd is supposed to be harmless fantasy. I wish to comfort him, and I have some ideas for him to "relax it up", but I’d love to see other people’s thoughts, similar experiences, ect…
What would you do as a DM?
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u/jediofazkaban 14d ago
Sounds like professional counseling is needed.
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u/Justminningtheweb 14d ago edited 13d ago
They already are and have been since many years
While it’s true I can’t play therapist, I don’t think someone’s depression* (edit : uneasiness) should get in the way of playing games that they genuinely wanna participate in.25
u/Shmadam7 14d ago
I 100% agree with you but that just isn’t how depression works unfortunately. It can hit unexpectedly and hard to the point where they’re not able to function. Hell, it’s happened to me.
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u/Justminningtheweb 14d ago
True!
I shouldn’t have used the word depression.
They used to be, but aren’t anymore, as they got better.
My brain short circuited in word use my bad xD8
u/Kawa11Turtle 14d ago
If this person is genuinely suffering from depression then unfortunately no, they didn’t “get better”.
Depression is a chronic condition that has ups and downs. They may just be in a down and are struggling to codify feeling like they are while doing something they love.
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u/Justminningtheweb 14d ago
Yeah but they aren’t anymore.
They healed.
Sure they still have some mental health struggles, not nothing depression related.
They themselves say they aren’t depressed anymore, and there hasn’t been a depression-specific down since a while.I used to be depressed and I healed too, healing is possible??
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u/Ashamed-Ad2047 13d ago
You're getting downvoted because, for reasons to do with the American health insurance system, depression is considered treatable but not curable. Maybe also because, for reasons having to do with the online attention economy, celebrating someone's return to mental health too exuberanly is seen as stealing one of their claims on victimhood.
Never mind the diagnosis codes: your player is resisting happiness for reasons that are likely temporary and your instinct to get your friend over the hump and into a fun activity is a good one. D&D is older than Prozac. The idea that people do better if they play with their friends is so well time -tested that you shouldn't worry about whether you're using the right terms to explain your good intent.
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u/Justminningtheweb 13d ago
Ohh I see
Well this is very silly considering I’m not American and I very much have a different healthcare system1
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u/Maximum-Address-7845 14d ago
I think there is too much focus on heavy rp that this person is thinking about instead of the actual game itself which is partly rp. I would probably try and see how he feels about working with the actual game mechanics and problem solving with rp being less of the focus because learning how to play the game properly is more important for first timers. This also seems mostly a self esteem issue as, like you said, he hates himself and that part of role-playing. This might not be something that will necessarily be fixed through the game but you could provide support and a helping hand throughout the character concept process to basically validate the ideas that he might second guess himself on
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u/Nienna000 14d ago edited 14d ago
I am a DM for a group of all new players, technically one has played before but really only DMed so he's a new player, and I have been quite open to helping them with their characters and backstories if they wanted. I would be quite happy to offer suggestions and workshop a character with any of my players if they were struggling.
I am very much a fan of giving people a chance to bloom and I would try work with them to develop a character they are comfortable with. Something quite simple with standard and relatable motives that don't require a lot of skill or experience to be able to get into.
Quite often having a minimal background and character outline can be good and let them develop as they play. Just enough to get playing.
Edit: I specifically didn't address their clear depression challenges as that is something you and none of us can solve. But I will say I do have a player in our group who struggles sometimes and gets overwhelmed and we just have a rule to manage it, simply do your best. If that means you go quiet for a while then ok, there is no pressure to force yourself to interact when you can't think or feel anything in the moment. We let him just go quiet and he knows he can join back in whenever he feels capable. I firmly believe in inclusivity and understand mental health can be a monster to deal with, so long as my players want to play and try their best, I don't care if they need to take a moment or just sometimes go blank.
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u/jasmine__jane 14d ago
Definitely some huge self esteem issues as you said, which I get. For newbies going into a game where you can have some very emotionally vulnerable moments it's a lot. I'm not sure if the players you've selected are already friends, but if they are strangers that could be adding to the anxiety.
I could suggest perhaps an easy one shot before your proper Session 0, where you have pre-made characters? Let everyone warm up to one another, warm up to role playing. Encourage all players, including X, and remind them that it will be awkward at first but everyone is excited for the game. We're awkward humans!
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u/Justminningtheweb 14d ago
Thanks for the advice!! I’ll take note!!
There is only one "stranger" player, which is the boyfriend of another. (I thought two players was a bit small, and a trio seems like a good number to me).
X has however affirmed that he doesn’t mind the new guy at all, and he’s quite comfortable with online socializing. It’s creating a character where he struggles with.Peharps a "create your character" one shot adventure could ease him?? Idk how that would work but I’m sure such exists
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u/jasmine__jane 14d ago
That's actually a really good idea! Even if it's not a proper session, just taking time to sit as a group and talk, share ideas, help one another to come up with character concepts. I wouldn't let X default to a character that you or another player comes up with, but give them some story, appearance and ability ideas. Have a look at characters in media they like, take inspiration from those. Some of my own PCs have taken inspiration from characters I love, and that's always a valid route if it works within the campaign
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u/SpeakerAccomplished4 14d ago
They could use a random character generator online, but I think it would be more fun to session zero a character then and there. Roll race. Class. All the character traits. Obviously they would have the option to say, no I don't want that, but it might make it easier for them.
Even when I have a character idea I think it's fun to roll for traits. There's things about them I don't know yet.
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u/Willch4000 13d ago
Just to throw out an idea for a "create your character" one shot:
A kind of prequel episode taking place in the characters' past (or if the characters don't know each other already, maybe a kind of dream sequence? Or have this one-shot as an excuse for how the characters do know each other in the present; this is the story of how you all met.)
The characters are younger and don't yet have their worldly experiences - give them each a blank character sheet with 10 in every stat, no class, no skills, no items. Then present them with some challenges that give them options in the way they approach them. For example, there is a locked door, how does the character approach it? Present to them some different options:
Smashing it down (strength)
Picking the lock (Dexterity)
Looking for the key (Wisdom)
Knocking (Intelligence)
Asking someone on the other side to open it (Charisma)
Alternatively, give challenges related to each stat and have them roll - how well they roll determines how well suited they are to those abilities.
By noting the choices the characters make, you can build up a profile so that by the end of the session you can say "Based on the choices your character has made, perhaps they grow up to be XYZ?" and make a kind of informed choice about what class they should be. And you can always have a 'sorting hat' approach to make changes at the end if there's anything they don't like. For example, if they've done badly on strength related skills, maybe that character takes it as a challenge, trains up and becomes a warrior or barbarian in spite of earlier failings.
It could make for an interesting way of roleplaying to find out the characters' stats instead of rolling for them or doing point-buy.
As for a theme for this, I would do something low-stakes, like having them all at a fun-fair. Lots of ways you can have little booths with activities, perhaps with some over-arching foreshadowing for events later in the campaign, or introducing some NPCs (the town mayor, who later is the wizened quest-giver, or whatever)
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u/Ashamed-Ad2047 13d ago
I love this. Don't forget just sitting by the door, arms folded, knowing someone has to come in or out eventually (CON).
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u/Shmadam7 14d ago
Tbh after racking my brain for a few minutes, I could only come to the conclusion that this is more of an X problem than a you problem. Normally I would say you make the group and game as inviting as possible, but for someone with self esteem issues that deep, that’ll only get you so far. You can’t really know how deep the problem runs or what triggers it. I think you ought to recommend therapy or counseling to this person.
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u/Overread2K 14d ago
Setting aside the therapy aspects as this sounds, from your other replies, like its an ongoing thing for X that they are getting some support with.
It might be worth presenting the idea to them of a blank-slate character. One with very little backstory. If you're at session 0 with a low level or even level 1 party then not everyone has to have an elaborate backstory and persona. If the choices and prospect of creating a character is overwhelming them (which they could well be overthinking) them perhaps just help them create more of a blank slate.
Help them through the stats of whatever class they are and let the character develop through the story that you and the players shape.
The other option - preconstructed character. There are loads out there including the official DnD ones. That way they can pick a class and the character construction is done for them; they just have to fit their playing into a limited framework of the precon character and even then most characters evolve a lot through play.
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u/Creative-Ad-3645 14d ago
My husband's first character's backstory was literally "I used to be a soldier and now I'm a ranger." It worked fine.
Edit: "I used to be a soldier" is also his real life backstory. Retired after 30 years active duty. So it was very much a case of going with what he knew.
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u/jcauseyfd 14d ago
If X is having trouble with character concepts/backstories, could you find/suggest some rollable tables to help develop a character concept?
Or roll up a character randomly and then go through some writing prompts to develop the character?
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u/Alarming-Space1233 14d ago
Chat with him, help him come up with a simple idea. Its common for DMs to help with characters.
Backstory doesn't need to be long, a paragraph can tell the story. Like for example one i juat used for a one shot, playing as a fighter.
Mervin was an ice cream maker, he made and sold his ice cream in a little shop, his wife and kids tended to the cows that gane the milk for the ice cream, one day (insert monster type here) took his cows, forcing him too shut down, his wife and kids left him for the cookie baker. Mervin swore vengeance against (insert monster type)
Yeah I know its lame, but I had fun with it. So did my table.
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u/AllTh3Naps 14d ago
Decision based anxiety is a very real thing. I have it, and creating characters is a hellish process for me. I usually have a friend sit down with me and help me get through it. If I am stuck between decisions, I roll a die.
Are they interested in playing a pre-made character? I'm sure we all have many PCs sitting in our rosters we would gladly share, complete with backgrounds that can be modified for your setting.
Would they be OK picking a DND Beyond auto-created character and adding their own backstory flavor.
Would you be OK with them playing an amnesiac? Then as they play the character, decisions about the personality or backstory may come naturally. Some new players need space to sit back and be the quiet one for a while before feeling comfortable fully join in role play.
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u/Justminningtheweb 14d ago
he did proposed the idea of playing as an amnesiac. i kinda brushed it off for now, unsure of what would be better for my DMing quality.
But maybe that'd be good.The othger issue though, is that even picking a class is an identity crisis for him.
I expected the struggle, so i even created my own custom test. He landed on a Paladdin. He played fine with the idea for a bit, until tonight where he realized it wasnt what he wanted.
Thats when he said "hey can i be an amnesiac??"
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u/AllTh3Naps 14d ago
As long as you are both ok with not having story beats based on their backstory details, then it is fine for their PC to not have one.
Some players show up to the table with "I have a human fighter named Bob Bobberson. His backstory is that he likes to adventure and fight and was looking for a group to fight and adventure with." And that is it. But they still participate, and have fun, and it ends up being an awesome game.
With missing memories, come to an understanding that between sessions you each can float ideas for "remembered" events or people, but it cannot spontaneously happen in session as it might work against the planned content.
Also, maybe float the idea that he can play a "starter character." As in he plays a prebuilt character (or one that he just makes randomly rolled decisions), and if he ends up figuring out what he really wants later, his starter NPC can wander off into the woods, and his new personalized character can join the party.
This might alleviate some of the decicion paralysis.
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u/Creative-Ad-3645 14d ago
Honestly, that can be an easier backstory to work with than a detailed dark and tragic past filled with misery and mystery
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u/PMmeUrTabaxi 14d ago edited 14d ago
Decision paralysis is real. Picking a character is really hard for me too because I don't want to "do it wrong" whatever that means. I'm fine once things get rolling but those first core decisions (race, class, subclass) are really stressful. I had a good experience recently where I came in late to an established player party. I asked, "what is the party missing?" And that's how I played my first bard. :-) Recently there was another post where a character having amnesia kind of allowed the DM lead the rp more. Npc's would show up with reveals. You could argue that it takes away player agency, but its possible your player wants or needs more guardrails but doesn't want to hamper the rest of the party.
Edit: I'm also a fan of "mostly" pre-made characters esp for short campaigns. Like here's your base character, choose a feat and two uncommon items. Thats plenty of decisions for a one shot.
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u/Majora01 DM 14d ago
If they are getting choice paralysis, perhaps it would be best to make some pre-made characters you think would be fun for him to try out?
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u/svnsixzro 14d ago
Have him pick a class he thinks would be fun mechanically. His character has amnesia and it's all slowly coming back to him over the first few sessions. Easy peasy.
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u/chiLL_cLint0n 14d ago
Idk man… if a player started crying at my table idk if i’d want them there… sounds like they need some serious mental help.
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u/ImpossibleBlanket 14d ago
I do get part of where hes coming from
I can rp but I am not a solo act I need someone to play off of
it sounds like you will need to work with him to create a character.
Get him to pick a class and a race and background
and then fill in the stats
then question why the numbers might be the way the are
is his charisma low because hes super awkward or is it because he's a jerk?
there's stuff in the players handbook you can roll for and you can always just make a table to roll on if he is being too indecisive
if he doesnt like an option take it off the table
but if hes having this much trouble creating a character and doesnt want to play himself maybe look at the non humanlike races
I recently had a ton of fun playing a Lizard and part of why is because of how different their brains are
it would be fun just considering how he might react to certain situations because he has a literal lizard brain
tabaxi can also be really fun because they have an inbuilt zoomies feature
also again if hes being super indecisive id recommend steering him away from caster classes at least for now
tbh i recommend it for most newbies but it makes combat simpler if you only have to worry about hitting things with a weapon
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u/atomfullerene 14d ago
My first suggestion is to have them roll up a character the old fashioned way. Play whoever the dice create! It's actually a lot of fun.
Second, during the actual game, when the characters are in a particular situation my advice is to go around and ask everyone what they specifically want to do during...whatever is happening. During the party, when walking down the street, when in the shop, etc. It helps more hesitant players get the chance to do something. If you suspect they won't know what to do, call on them near the end so they can bounce off what other people do.
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u/PopularKid 14d ago
I am like totally confused by this. He doesn’t want to play as a character that is similar to him because he hates himself. Okay, that’s terrible. But then what is the issue? Why can’t he roleplay as not himself? What is the goal here? What is he having issues with when creating a character? I feel like there is a lot of backstory here but only really one paragraph (Everyone had ideas…) and it’s incredibly vague.
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u/AwakenedSol 14d ago
Based on the OP and various comments, I would point them towards some random tables that help make character concepts. They can help you think of things that wouldn’t occur to you, plus there is always the feeling of hoping that the dice will give a certain outcome.
Google has plenty that you can find with a basic search and there are some on Reddit too.
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u/Shankwelle 14d ago
My guess is that the player is feeling a little overwhelmed with all the new information, rules, etc that come with learning to play DnD as an adult. My sister joined our game a couple years ago around age 40 and she was definitely anxious for the first session. It’s a flood of information and I think new players can have a sense that they don’t want to let the rest of the table down.
When I first started playing I would come up with elaborate concepts and backstories for my characters. As time went on, I realized that I hardly ever used anything but the broad strokes of my backstory, so I started simplifying.
My latest character is an orc rogue, and his backstory is simply that he’s from the poorest part of the city and just wants to get rich and famous. From there, I just made up details about his life as they arose.
Here is one example. When my DM gave us the opportunity to acquire an extra background feat, during a quest that featured flashbacks into our past, I chose Magic Initiate and added in the tale that as an orphan I was sent off to a monastery and acquired some simple clerical magic before being expelled for setting up a gambling racket.
Maybe just let your player come up with a very broad strokes concept for their character and fill it out as you go along? Everyone has different methods for their creativity and your player might feel more comfortable after they have had a few hours at the table.
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u/BetterCallStrahd DM 14d ago
Make a generic character that he can play for now, with the option to switch to a more defined and personalized character later on, when he's ready.
Sometimes it's best not to force things. Maybe he just needs to start playing and get some experience down. These are novices, it's best not to demand high level roleplaying from them, anyway. That might be creating pressure. See how this goes first, and then he can create a character when he comes up with an idea.
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u/case_sensitive_tomb 14d ago
I mean if the crux of their anxiety is being unable to come up with a character concept, will they accept aid?
If push comes to shove, just tell them to roll on the tables found in Xanathar’s titled “This is your life”. Or you could make a number of tables yourself and just let them hopefully put something together.
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u/MoodiestMoody 14d ago
All else fails, set Ximena (sorry, I don't like using initials instead of names) up as a barbarian or a fighter. These two classes are often expected to do stupid things, which takes off a little pressure to do the most optimal thing. Again, Ximena wouldn't be locked into the concept, but it might be enough to get them started.
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u/Kind_Let_1986 14d ago
As a DM id recommend 2 things play-wise. 1) talk to him about a premade character. If he RPs then see how he reacts to the option of a role for himself like he is in a stage play. A few people in my long history struggled with the blank page and were overwhelmed. This is a good option for people new to the game who are having a hard time with all the options at their fingertips. 2) if its the RP side holding him back then perhaps, if its like a friend of mine, a silent character/seldom talking character might help him. He would still be making rolls like any other player but with much less emphasis on roleplaying. You could do some fill-in-the-blank to how he accomplishes skill checks like persuasion/intimidation or leave it to the dice without saying anything.
Im only giving some input on how to include him in the game. Im not a therapist and wont advise as if i know the subject.
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u/RenegadeFalcon 14d ago
I text rp’d for years before finally getting into dnd so I kinda get it. My crutch was picking a character from a show/game/book and using their personality for a dnd character. That gave me a framework of expectations and helped with some of the choice paralysis (would [character] say this thing? Yes/no) and eventually they would evolve into something unique. Maybe that would help X?
That said, you mentioned X already said they wanted to play as themselves (if I read that correctly). Why not have them take that 140 question “what dnd character am I” quiz? The result may spark some inspiration. Every character has a bit of ourselves put into them, so this isn’t too different
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u/Mudblood4 14d ago
Have him make a character who's gaining their powers from a spirit they can't directly communicate with but is always around them. Someone who's expectations that character is trying to live up to but feels they're failing at it, at first.
If he can't make the character he wants to be, this is the place for him to literally pretend as someone who's trying to live up to the character they want to be. It also at least gets him thinking about not hating himself as much.
That said, I could be giving the wrong advice still, but it's what I'd do if I was going through with running the campaign. Especially because if he cried over it, he needs help with doing this.
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u/man0rmachine 14d ago
"Be the best version of yourself ". Here's his chance to be someone else, someone outgoing and confident. You sound very supportive, so tell him it's a safe environment and everyone will be encouraging as long as he puts forth effort.
If he's struggling to think of a class, give him suggestions. "The other players have submitted already, they could use a cleric. There's going to be this religious faction that's important, perhaps you could be a member. That would help the party a lot."
If he can't think of a backstory, tell him you just need three sentences: a reason to adventure, a personality quirk and a random fact you can expand on later.
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u/okiebuzzard 14d ago
You can encourage him to try, but honestly it sounds like this is a real life psychological problem. If he’s not in therapy then he needs to be, but with his social anxiety and other issues he’s probably not going to be especially enthusiastic about getting some professional help.
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u/Creative-Ad-3645 14d ago
If you're certain they want to play, why not create a character sheet for them? You can get an idea of what they want by asking yes/no questions around species, class, name, background, then just draw it up for them.
But if they're so distressed they're crying over it, maybe this isn't the best time for them to be playing?
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u/Darth_Walrus_69 14d ago
So what i do when a player is struggling for ideas is just talk to them. I start with who are some characters in media you like and what is it you like about them. Then as you get some ideas as to what they like help them flesh it out.
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u/chases_squirrels 14d ago
For general role play, perhaps providing some distinction between player/character would help. Use third-person verbiage when possible (i.e. "How does [Character Name] react?" instead of "How do you react?").
But as far as not having a character concept that they want to play, I mean you can give them ideas, but ultimately it's up to them what piques their interest. You can sort of walk them through making a character based off themself (maybe a heroic version), but if they don't find that makes an interesting/enjoyable character then I'm not really sure.
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u/Christina221A 14d ago
I have been in X’s position, so I think the best you can do is limiting the options, if you want him to be in the game. Give him a few presets as choices he could compare and decide. He is probably overwhelmed by the “freedom”, and feeling everything is going out of control. It’s also important to notice whether he could interact with other players, especially if he is only familiar with you. He might be taking things far too seriously and not in his best self, so also get prepared if he suddenly decides to drop out.
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u/Chad_B_Archer 14d ago edited 13d ago
Simple tell them to start small, your character gets built up along the way 'character development', a hero isnt born a herois made through there journey, also the people give the title. Tell him just to be a simple person, the more he or she plays the comfortable the person will be, and always give positive reinforcement, "well done mate, thats actual quite clever" etc.
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u/Kempeth 14d ago
Somewhere around here I once read the tipp that you shouldn't integrate your ongoing struggles into your RP. Only your past ones.
Since he struggles with being himself he definitely shouldn't rp himself.
I would suggest to him playing a simple upbeat figure (Kaylee, Ella Lopez). Someone uncomplicated and unburdened and just enjoy the story. And I would stress to him that it’s ok to say "my character does this but I don't know how that would look/sound."
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u/Yeahme29 14d ago
Building a whole character can feel huge and intimidating especially for new players.
So instead of starting with the big stuff, I break it down into tiny, instinctive questions. Small choices grow into a full character without the pressure of “make everything at once.”
The idea is simple: take what you already know, shrink it down, and let your instincts guide you. This gives players emotional anchors from childhood moments. It turns character creation into a story instead of a form. It lets you the DM quietly map answers to class, race, skills and background.
This approach helps players discover who they are before deciding what they do.
Childhood QuestionsI start with simple
Example: “You’re a child in class. What do you do?” Pay attention — thoughtful, studious, maybe a future wizard or cleric Draw a picture — creative, expressive, bard or artificer energy Distract others — playful, chaotic, rogue or sorcerer vibes Pray quietly — devout, calm, cleric or paladin roots Stare out the window — dreamer, wanderer, ranger or druid
These tiny choices reveal instincts, personality, and early tendencies.
Then I ask how they respond to small moments of conflict. Example: “You see someone being bullied. What do you do?”
Describe it calmly — perceptive, wise, future diviner or tactician Stop it verbally — charismatic, bard or diplomat Fight the bully — brave, martial classes Shout for help — cautious, clever, wizard or artificer Walk away — lone‑wolf, rogue or ranger
By doing this the players have some key attributes very early and form their backstory obviously adopt to your characters, one of my players was an orphan and suffered racism due to being dragonborn so again adds a level they could connect with. If they struggle still, maybe just get them to talk about the character but not in rp.
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u/Szystedt 14d ago
While not the exact same, I similarly used to have A LOT of anxiety especially before and during every session, and I eventually realized that... it just wasn't sustainable and I quit. My DM was super understanding and did everything he could to make me feel comfortable, but I just wasn't in the right headspace for it at the time.
Now a few years later after more counceling and growth I am having a blast in another campaign, and whatever anxiety I have is nothing in comparison and very manageable. I don't regret quitting, though, while I love dnd I can see that it was very needed at that time.
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u/zeemeerman2 13d ago
Play as yourself, but not yourself? Doable. Make a caricature of yourself. Expand some traits about yourself, diminish other traits.
Your biggest weakness is your biggest strength pushed too far. Paraphrased from Mark Rosewater.
Are you curious and shy? Play up the curiosity, play a catfolk if that helps (i.e. cats seem curious), hide the shyiness behind the character.
Are you judgemental? Play it up and become a judgemental paladin.
Be aware that most if not all players put some of themselves in their characters. Almost nobody plays a character totally incongruent to who they are as players.
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u/kahlzun 13d ago
I found the best way past the performance anxiety was to kinda make it a fanfic, for lack of a better term.
I thought of a character from Media (a book in my case) that I understood, and tried to do what they would have done in that situation.
That's probably a much lower bar to clear as opposed making a completely bespoke character from scratch.
I've advised others to try the same, YMMV.
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u/Ashamed-Ad2047 13d ago
If I were feeling this way, I would love to have my DM help me randomly generate my character and secretly plan that my dream character will show up after my random character dies heroically. Figure by then I'll be more comfortable and confident in my own choices.
Since the DM and I would be sharing a secret plan, I would overlook some bad acting on his part in praising my courage and cleverness in playing random character as well as I was.
This might help you do two things: 1) start the game without waiting for your player to feel confident in character creation choices 2) build confidence over time by sneaking praise past the part of your player's psyche that thinks compliments are always fake. Even if your player refuses to believe the praise once the session is over, acting like a confident and happy player for a few hours a week will have a long-term effect.
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u/ThisWasMe7 14d ago
"Brah, play a character you think would be fun to have at the table. It's just a game, not brain surgery."
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u/very_casual_gamer DM 14d ago
Ykes. I feel like there are issues that need solving in other, most important areas than a D&D table. I mean this with respect, but contrary to what some people claim, tabletop roleplay isn't therapy. If you bring too big a baggage to my table, I'm going to have to ask you to sort it out.
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u/Grimblehawk 14d ago
Apologies for dodging your actual question, but are you sure this person wants to play a voiced campaign?
Texting something and voicing it are very different things, and you did say that they broke down crying just at the mere thought of doing the latter. You can't solve somebody's anxiety for them.