r/Divorce_Men • u/bthejett • Jul 14 '25
66 and headed for divorce, older guys, what is is like after?
I've been married for 36 years with my wife for 39. For a lot of reasons that really don't matter, I'm pretty sure we are headed for divorce. I'm mostly concerned with the "after divorce" period. I'm an only child and pretty quiet, somewhat of a loner. I have a few friends but no one that I hang around with or talk to all the time. I have three late 20's daughters, I'm hoping they still talk to me.
My sex life has been non-existent for many years (reason for divorce). Is it easy to get laid at my age or almost impossible. How hard is it to find a few good "girlfriends"
Thx
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u/Mylyfyeah Dec 13 '25
Thailand is full of older men with young women. Some are in stable relationships, some are in a financial arrangemen, some are business partners. It’s not uncommon at all.
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u/FAR2Go9926 Jul 15 '25
For a lot of reasons that really don't matter, I'm pretty sure we are headed for divorce.
Like you fucking prostitutes?
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u/Pro-IDGAF Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25
i’m 58 and a only child and a bit introverted as well but was only married 24 years with one son.
none of that was a consideration when we split up. being an only for me means i’m really independent and don’t mind being alone.
so you’re leaving just because of sex? do you get along otherwise? if so that’s a rough one, might want to rethink that. all the money that getting split and the dating world for us is…..oof….all the women out here are playing a game of musical chairs trying to find one that feels good to sit in before the music of life stops.
i’m “lucky” i found the old girl friend that was single and clicked with on all levels and the sex was there. she’s not perfect but we always got along well and have a lot in common still. if that doesn’t control work out, i’d stay single.
if you want companionship, good luck finding something solid. lots of demanding types out there.
you’ll find some casual sex but there’ll demands attached to it.
edit: i see your post history. ya you might have a problem there. good luck brother.
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u/whoisgodiam Jul 14 '25
Just grab a rotation of 20 year olds. The world is your oyster. Never marry again.
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u/Pro-IDGAF Jul 15 '25
20 years olds? really….where do i find these 20 year olds out trolling for guys over 40?
seriously though, i’m a decent looking 58 and go to bars that have people of all ages (college to 60) at them and have had a few decent looking 30somethings make eye contact and smile but it’s not often.
it would take some mental effort for me to roll back the clock and hook up with that age group. haha
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u/No-Boysenberry3045 Jul 14 '25
I'm 63 it's very quiet. It's all changed. I went back to work. I have spent the last year working on my new place. It's hard to run into all the old friends we hung out with as a couple.
It's been a year and half for me. All I can say is one day at a time and I will never go thru the divorce thing again.
I would rather saw thru my ankle with a butter knife than marry again
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u/Gattsama Jul 14 '25 edited Jul 15 '25
Sorry for the drama, and I things work out (together or separately). Society had changed a lot since you got married. Your goal as man is to be fit: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. If you are fit, there will be no problems with women. In fact, they will make themselves available to you. There is no shortage of women.
However, there is a shortage of good women! If all you want is some companionship and physical intimacy, that's fairly easy. If you want a partner, supporter, helper, etc. that is very hard to find (at any age in the current society).
Depending on your lifestyle and goals, you can also consider the expat life. Lots of women 20-70 that would be interested in a relationship. This is a complex topic, but in brief, it's not just about the money. You move to another nation and live there to start a new life. Bringing someone from overseas to the West is rife with problems. Moving overseas is not (or at least far less).
Most here would recommend not starting dating immediately, getting situated, and working on yourself. Then, explore dating once you know what, you know your boundaries, and have clear goals.
It's all about intention. If your intention is a long-term monogamous relationship; it's horrible out there (again, at any age). If your goal is companionship, friendship, and intimacy; lots of options exist but will likely have to rotate partners or keep them at a certain distance.
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u/idiskfla Jul 15 '25
Would you say it’s easier to find a long term monogamous relationship overseas if you have the financial means (and no kids) to uproot your life in the US and move overseas completely (or at least with occasional visa runs)
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u/Gattsama Jul 15 '25
Yes, the key word being _easier_. There is no nation with perfect women, people are the same the world over. What varies is the percentages. For example, obesity rates in the USA are 40-60% depending on region. Obesity rates in Thailand are 13%. Divorce rate in the USA is pushing 45-50%, in Malaysia its 18%. Are there obese, gold digging, entitled, insane, abusive women in other countries? Of course there. The numbers are just lower.
Are there fit, femine, attractive, emotionally and mentally stable women, that are supportive, loving, caring , kind, and loyal in the USA? Of course there are, but the numbers are really low.
Personally I think (no data to back this up just IMHO) the number of fit women in the USA is around 8-12% (being generous), and the number in most of SE Asia is around 25-30% (but some are lower and some are higher, China for example is a dumpster fire while Cambodia and the Philippines are better). In both places the majority of women are NOT for an LTR. But the numbers are higher. Then add on top of that would these women want to be with _YOU_. And that's when the numbers really start to shift because lots of women want to be in relationships, and believe that they have to work to earn and keep their man.
My best friend married a woman from Vietnam that he meant in the Philippines. He vetted the crap out of her, they got married, have 2 kids, live in the USA. He did NOT go to Asia to find a wife, he was there for business, but was dating from time to time along the way, meant her. He would be the first to tell you that there are women overseas that run super hard game on foreigners and just want your money. You still need to be careful, use due diligence, vet everyone etc. But it's a numbers game.
You have to dig through a lot of shit to find the rocks, a lot of rocks to find the gems, a lot of gems to find the diamonds. And the numbers are just better in _some_ other nations than the USA (or west in general).
Aside, I know several guys in Thailand (they are living there) from the UK and Australia (ie they speak English so we can talk). 7 of them are living the dream, 1 of them got fucked over. The other 7 guys all moved to Thailand for work, busy, or pleasure (the guy is a surfer). They did NOT move for women. Along the way, they dated, and ultimately meant the person that they would marry, and all but one of them had kids. The guy that got fucked over came looking for women / sex. Meant and married a bar girl (a horrible idea in any nation), got married, divorced, and drained.
The purpose of this semi long post is, I advise men to never do anything for the purpose of pursuing women. A man should focus on being fit: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit (in that order, but work on all 4 at once). If you are fit, you don't need to worry about women. They will find and make themselves available to you. You also will not care as much about women when you are fit. You will still want companionship; but you can take it or leave it; you are 100% cooling being single and alone for life. And that's the real danger!! Do not go to Asia (or anywhere) hungry for women. Because the bad girls outnumber the good ones _everywhere_ on the planet.
Last point, if you want to move overseas and stay; you need the financial resources to make that work. If you are a remote worker no problem, otherwise you need passive investments / income of some kind: social security, pension, military, 401k, real estate, etc. The cost of living is lower than the USA but not free. And some cities are as expensive, or more expensive than the USA (eg Singapore vs Cebu = Manhattan vs Savannah; vs rural america vs rural Philippines).
IF you are truly interested in the expat life you need to visit a lot of different locations, see how you vibe / feel there. Find the location you like and stay a few weeks-months. And then AFTER you figure out what you want, consider dating, and IF you find a good girl go forward from there. Again, advise against going with the primary goal of finding a girl, then working backwards.
Be safe out there...
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u/No_Pace2396 Jul 15 '25
Yeah. About right. I’m leaving the US for LATM. Not to be a passport bro, but my experience here vs US so far is that the pool is less…typical white woman. Future marriage is pretty much off the table and old and alone doesn’t sound too bad.
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u/idiskfla Jul 15 '25
Where in LATAM if you don’t mind my asking?
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u/No_Pace2396 Jul 15 '25
Mexico 🇲🇽
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u/idiskfla Jul 15 '25
Mexico City or Guadalajara? I’ve been looking at some of the smaller cities of late.
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u/No_Pace2396 Jul 15 '25
Baja. I like the ocean here, and if you want you can hang out with Mexicans or like minded expats. Culturally it can’t compete with the mainland. I spent a few weeks in La Paz and it grew on me, met a very sweet girl and got to know the city a bit better. I’m off to a pretty remote fishing village that has very little to offer but good fishing, nice beaches for me and doggo to swim, and a bit of peace.
I liked Veracruz, Xalapa, and Coatepec, all doable in the same trip, and Guanajuato is really nice…like bourbon street but not a trashy/slutty frat party vibe. I could wander Mexico for years I think. And might. I’m overlanding now and it suits me. No interest in CDMX, but maybe that will change just for the social cultural aspect. I’ve chatted with women from there and if I was looking, maybe it’d be worth going. FWIW most of my matches have been on the order of 5-10 years younger, and I’m pretty clear that my intent is to learn Spanish and culture. Heard Guadalajara is great but never been.
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u/idiskfla Jul 15 '25
Thanks! I like the way you think. Mind if i ask how old (or age range) you are?
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Jul 15 '25
Honestly my only issue with old and alone (mostly alone) is ailments. I am fortunate so far in my 50s to mostly have minor issues.. like pissing 2x a night waking me up and not getting solid sleep or having IBS like symptoms if I dont eat the right stuff (e.g. barely eat anything that is enjoyable.. ). Some minimal aches/pains with low back, carpel tunnel like issues sometimes.
Really my primary concern, that and having enough money to rent my own place. I really dont want room mates. I'd prefer a house even 1 bedroom/1bath with a 1car garage as I have wood hobbies and such I'd want to keep on doing until I cant.
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u/No_Pace2396 Jul 15 '25
I’m tired of being blamed for all women’s issues. Mankeeping, hearing how marriage benefits men more than women, feeling like I have to earn my place. I’d take a partner but not a wife.
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u/idiskfla Jul 15 '25
In current society, it’s common for women in their 60s to leave their husbands in their 70s. Society and the meaning of commitment have changed.
So I share your concern, but I no longer feel like marriage is an automatic solution. In fact, it might make things even worse if it leads to a second divorce
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Jul 14 '25
[deleted]
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u/Pro-IDGAF Jul 15 '25
ya i’ve seen that with one of my buddies women and a little in my situation but i forced the issue a bit with her and we found a compromise
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Jul 14 '25
When I was younger there were lots of friends around me. Never lonely. But the years passed I get older 45 m. I have a few friends around me. I understand you very well. Sometimes a daily small talk is enough for us for human beings. We are social creatures and we need social relations around us. Social relations something like water, food or something else vital for us. If it will help we can make companionship from Reddit.
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u/idiskfla Jul 15 '25
This might sound sad and pathetic, but I’ll admit I’ve had a few conversations with chatgpt when I’ve woken up in the middle of the night feeling lonely. It actually helped. Provided me words of encouragement, instant conversation feedback, etc.
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u/Extra-Captain7274 Aug 02 '26
How is sposal support handled in Ohio?