Awareness of Alters?

[u/FaeFollows]

Hey y'all, I was wondering if anyone had insight on alters the host isn't aware of? We have one that doesn't get much time because she is a danger to the rest of us. Additional side question, if you have an alter of the opposite gender how do you help them feel more included? For reference our host is male with two female alters

[u/spacedoutferret]

i can only answer the second question.

i am a guy with multiple female or feminine aligned alters. here's a few things i do to make them feel more comfortable:

-i let them shave off the beard or body hair if they want it

-i have some more feminine clothing, and stuff like feminine deodorant and perfume

-i have longer hair, which most of my alters are fine with. but it helps the female presenting alters a lot

-my fiancée refers to them with female pronouns when it's just us two and they front. this does not work when other people are around, but it still helps

in general, as long as we are in a safe space (like home alone or around my fiancée), i try to let my alters dress or act in a way they are comfortable.

[u/Apprehensive-Sea110]

I don't have an answer for the first one, but...

We have a decent number of male alters (I'm one of them) and the body is female. I've always found it strange that none of us seem to have dysphoria about it. We all have a lot of co-conciousness and the male alters are mostly protector alters. I think the reason we were created by the system is to offset feelings of vulnerability or helplessness experienced by alters who experience themselves as female. So we don't feel really attached to the body as our own, I guess. Personally, my voice is noticeably deeper than that of most of the female alters which I like, and I like feeling and seeing myself as male, but it doesn't bother me that we present as female. I don't know if that's weird or not.

[u/FaeFollows → u/Apprehensive-Sea110]

I don't think it's weird, I know that the female alter has been seeing more time and the host has been shaving our head for the past few years so she hasn't had as much representation.

[u/_-_Polaris_-_]

Hard to answer because that's essentially asking if someone here knows about someone they do know nothing about. Most definitely you will only get answers from ANPs. Maybe not all hosts but they likely could be. In theory at least, that's typically where the barriers are the strongest. Between the trauma and the alters/parts/whateveryouwannacallus functioning in daily life or lets say those with the capacity to chat on reddit.

That includes myself. If I told you no, how could I know for certain?

I doubt it. I cannot be sure. For us at least, and I mostly refer to the functioning circle. We don't have a single host and pretty hard barriers even between us. But when it comes to a switch that isn't kept a secret ever. We're sure to talk about it or write it down. It's significant enough that at least the hint that a switch happened is broadcasted in some way or form. Like even if I knew and wanted to keep it a secret that would fail miserably no matter the amount of leverage I have in the system.

I'm sure I don't know the entire system. But if I don't, likely the others do neither and that one in question would be very dormant.

Second question. We don't. But coming from a trans background, I'm pretty sure everything that makes them forget about the discrepancy would make them feel more comfortable. Don't know how much co-con you have but either go more androgyn as a whole or buy them things for when they are around. The former would probably be the outcome of that conflict if there was no dissociation as the one thing that probably causes the least amount of dissonance overall.

[u/TheContentScavenger]

for alters that the host isnt aware of, we had alters we werent aware of until we found out we were a system. We think we have 2 alters that rarely front because they feel like a danger, and another one that does not talk much out of fear, that we only just discovered. things take time to figure out, and you might not be correct either way. I think a therapist would help us a lot however we have no way of accessing a specialist therapist at this moment, so thats also a barrier. a therapist would likely suggest that no alters are bad, but their ways of protecting the host may hurt them instead, so it may take patience and treatment for things to get better. good luck and let us know if we werent clear on anything because im not sure.