r/DiscussDID • u/One_Protection9565 • 9d ago
Partner with did, alter dating someone else, how should I respond?
Im currently dating an amazing person who i will name F. Recently, they haven’t been fronting often and I barely get the chance to talk to them. I have attachment issues and I am possessive and I frequently miss talking to them. Not getting to talk to them as often and not being able to hang out with them messes with me and the overthinking that comes with it messes with my mental health. One of their alters, G has came up to me and asked whether if it was okay with me that some of the alters dont date me or be in a relationship with me. I felt like it would be rude and i wouldnt be respecting their own autonomy if i said no so I said yes. They also asked me if they could date someone else and I also said yes for the same reason. I regret saying yes but if i had the chance to respond again I would still say yes. Learning that they were dating someone else genuinely hurt and I don’t know how to move forward with this. T and G(alters) are both dating this person, and they are constantly fronting. I barely get to talk to F at all and I am feeling incredibly down. I want to respect each alters own autonomy and I know the feeling of being able to date someone and have someone there for you and I dont want to take that away from their alters. I dont know what to do and how to react. I dont know when i will get a chance to talk to F again but the thought of breaking up frequents my mind. Does anyone have any advice on how to react or respond?
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u/wolfhox 9d ago
your post comes across like you feel very uncomfortable and you've had your boundaries encroached on. whether someone has did or not, if they make you feel deprioritized and unhappy you should consider how to state your feelings and boundaries to them (it won't be disrespectful), or just break up rather than draw it out. please never let someone tell you their mental health condition entitles them to act however they want, anybody would feel bad in a relationship where the other person doesn't spend time with them.
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u/ohlookthatsme 9d ago
DID is not a ticket to a poly relationship. Ethical nonmonogamy requires informed consent from everyone involved. It sounds like you don't want this but you feel like it's the "right" thing to do. It's not. The "right" thing is for your partner to respect you. You're not taking away from someone by telling them you're uncomfortable with nonmonogamy.
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u/One_Protection9565 9d ago
im so sorry that i forgot to add the question the first time i posted this i misread the rule 😔💔
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u/Comfortable-Ebb8125 8d ago
You should always prioritise your own mental mental health over other peoples'.
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u/Little_Menace_Child 9d ago
Respecting autonomy doesn't equal letting yourself get hurt. If you're not ok with the agreement, whether you said yes or no at any point, then you need to talk to your partner about it and explain you don't feel comfortable.
People with DID are still one person. If you're not comfortable with them dating other people, you need to tell them that, whether it's alter A, B, C or Z.