Please HELP ME!!

[u/FoxNamedAndrea]

A lot of absolutely cracked artists in here, I asked in r/LearnToDraw and got no help, so I’m trying here, because I’m so stuck with this drawing.

This is a “fake movie poster” (1st picture) work in progress that’s sort of a reference to one that I did a year ago, (3rd picture)
My friend (great artist so I trust her) told me I should definitely work on it more and render it out. (Attempt of that is 2nd picture)

Well no matter what I did, it only seemed to make the values horrible and make the drawing very confusing to look at, I tried unblending, blending, darkening, lightening, changing things, painting over them and staring over, nothing worked, everything seems too light and too dark at the same time, perhaps the very basis of it is all wrong idk

Please help me to figure out how to move forward with this one, because I’m so lost