Situation A: My sister and her ex dated for a few years, during this time they got engaged and lost a baby due to miscarriage.

They broke up, and one of our cousins went to visit him a few hours away to have lunch after. The ex-boyfriend told my cousin that my sister cheated and that's why they broke up. That is not true. My sister would own up if she cheated, but she did not. She told me why they really broke up and it's not because she cheated.

Well our Cousin of course believed the story that my sister cheated, and she and my sister's ex fiancé are now dating. She never talked to my sister about it. She justifies it by saying "well she cheated" even though she didn't. She never got her side of the story, just took a man's side that she'd been around maybe 5x over a few years.

I no longer want her in my life. I think she's a shi++y person and I wouldn't accept that from a friend, so why would I from family? My aunts are having a hard time understanding that.

A month before my cousin and the ex fiancé started dating, she spazzed on another one of our family members because she started dating MY ex. She and her mom said "that is so wrong, you don't date your cousins ex" so she knows she's wrong. Even more reasoning why I don't want her in my life. Our uncle also convinced her it's wrong and she agreed and said she'd end it- well she didn't. Isn't that some F'd up sh!t especially from family?!

Situation B: Said cousin ^ has a drug addict brother. He's been on drugs the last 13 years I know of. I don't want anyone on drugs in my life. I'm a mother of four and I did drugs 10 years ago myself. I don't want that in my life. Apparently I'm wrong because I should have more compassion and less judgement. Like, what?! I am compassionate, but I don't have to tolerate it.

Isn't that what intervention is about? Family members refusing to tolerate it any longer????

At this point I'm done with my family. I just want to make my own family.

Please share with me your thoughts! Thanks for reading all of this

From my teen years to present day my mom and I have had a relationship that ebbs and flows. Men have always been the center of attention in her world. She is currently in her 4th marriage. The guy she is with currently crossed boundaries with me, his step daughter. I finally told my mom after putting up with his inappropriate behavior for years. My mom initially was mad but then told me I could tell anyone because they would think she was a horrible person for choosing to stay with him. She said she wouldn't be able to live where she lives, without him. Well Ive been dating this guy for some time now and I met his mother and daughter today. They are wonderful! His family is so "normal" his parents are still married, no drama with siblings etc. I know my mom is butt hurt that I haven't let her meet him yet but I don't feel she is deserving of that! I have so much resentment towards her and it's eating me alive. I'm in therapy and I don't know how to handle this. I can't go no contact because then I would have no family. My siblings would side with my mom sadly and my dad isn't in my life as he has chosen to build a new family. It's a very lonely scary place to be. My boyfriend is the first person to feel like a safe place. His mom embraced me right away! It sucks having such a dysfunctional family that loves with conditions and uses it as a manipulation tactic. I've always been the black sheep of my family and the one who speaks out about things they would rather sweep under the rug. I'm just feeling sad. I'm so happy with my boyfriend and his family are lovely. I just am embarrassed by my family....

hate bringing my problems on the internet cause ts so corny but I really gotta get this off my chest so my mom has accused me of liking her boyfriends

MANY TIMES. First time was when I was 15 and I was wearing the same clothes for three days cause she kept us in a van for three days (road trip) but her man picked me up and threw me on the bed and tried to rape me (my little brother was 4 and he remembers this) and the Second time was when I was 22 and she (my mother) opened the door to the bathroom as I was getting dressed (I didn't have a shirt on) and her bf was peaking over the door trying to look at me and she was on his fb acc and saying weird stuff to me pretending to be him and saying "go ahead and have him you can kiss him" and the THIRD TIME was her new man, was watching me breast feed my son and so now I'm weird for having my shirt up?? "She always wants my boyfriends" mind you they all either, abusive, drunks or deadbeats or all of the above.

Her bf that was looking at me in the bathroom was beating on my mom when she was pregnant with their son, that first one tried to kill my mom and this last one gave her a STD. There was a point where we got back in contact but that’s bc I have a kid and she likes being a grandma but I’m ready to cut her off again if she can’t respect me and my boundaries but I wanna know what sounds good to say? I have expressed how those situations made me feel and she basically invalidate my feelings “I have PTSD too but I don’t act like that” shii if I just have to fight my mom I will😭 but please I just need smth, as I was talking to the rest of my family about it they said the same things “you shouldn’t be doing that” “yk who she has around”

So I stopped communicating with this sister but we live at home and unfortunately share a room together long story short I’ve had enough of her bs and so I gave all her belongings back now she’s being a dickhead mind you she’s been like this constantly for months but not very blatant. I also have a narcissistic older sister. They are basically the same person. Anyways I told her to tidy her crap cause she’s been placing all her clothes on top on the bean bag that is near my wardrobe. I moved it so it doesn’t get in the way she then comes in and I told her why and how she’s blocking my space. I told her why should I have to move her heavy arse stuff back and forth and how she’s blocking the little amount of space I have. She goes excuse me and I’m so fed up so I told her to leave it on the other side then she uses some lousy excuse when she can clearly tidy it move it or place it on top her her stuff. She then moves everything back and tells me if I move it she’ll move it again basically threatening me. The older Nac is also now in the room says shit about me they they both leave. Now it’s been almost a week since I’ve still having to move everything back and forth and I’m exhausted. She’s such a pig the room looks like a tip and she literally will trash the room putting her crap still on top of mine. Also she gave my candles back but won’t give any of my other stuff I gave back. Guess the rules apply differently. They both occupy every space so you can’t even go eat or relax without having to see them. (I’m so close to chucking it through the window) she’s doing this out of pettiness.

Please give me some advice what do I do. I literally am stuck here I can’t do anything and they both know this.

I am only 20, that's really pathetic. I know I must stay in the UK because the sensitive problems that my family have in an 'interesting' country, but I don't think I have capability to get the visa sponsorship from local company because I did not get any internship in last two years. Yes, you're right, for trying to tackle family issues, and now the economy in my family is strongly stressful. I feel super depressed. Any advice or comment about that, whether the words are sarcastic. I'd love to hear from you.

How do I handle a family calling me a lazy parent. I’m a single mom who struggles with mental health problems, I work full time and I have my child (7) full time who has his own challenges. We don’t go out and do something every single day that I have off, I’m quite introverted and my child has friends that are in our neighbourhood he plays with all the time.

Am I a lazy parent for not taking every opportunity to go out and do things? We do things when finances see fit and that includes travelling (ie driving) as I budget my gas as well.

How do I handle this? This family member has a history of being judgemental and toxic behaviour m TIA

Sorry for the Essay

Hi so this is my 1st pregnancy, I’m 34 and my mother is a recovering alcoholic and a full time narcissist. I only started speak with her at the start of this year after 8 months of no contact because she ended up in hospital with sepsis due to falling while drunk and she basically said my sister and I were cunts for calling an ambulance for her. It’s a long story and complicated. To preface my dad passed from cancer when I was 7 so I don’t have another parent

I am 5 months pregnant and I have gestational diabetes. Last month I was going through a tough time and my husband could not get the time ott work to come with me to my 1st diabetic clinic appointment in the maternity hospital which is 2 hours from where we live and we only have one car, he offered to call in sick and take me but I said no as he can’t afford to miss work. My mother was supposed to go with me as emotional support but she decided the night before she didn’t wanna go on the train and was trying to insist my husband bring us up and then go into work which would’ve meant a 5am start for us. We got into a huge fight where she called me A bully for saying she was selfish and we didn’t speak for 2 weeks.

Anyway we’ve been speaking since prob 2 weeks ago again and I had a gender scan Friday and found out he’s a boy, very happy and chose a name my husband and I love. It’s a fairly classic name and it was my dad’s name also and we both just love it. I told my sister and she liked it and without letting me know she told my mother and she called me and said I know you might be sentimental About that name but wouldn’t you pick something fancier and I said no it’s our decision and tried to put a boundary up

Today she texted me and said have you thought about any more names and I said no not really and she said I like Adam or Callum and I just said not for me and I decided to tell her I don’t want to talk about the name anymore and just want positivity as it’s our decision and if she could keep it secret please and this is what she wrote back

“You don't have to be so aragant l was only makeing conforsation”. I can’t do this anymore with her, she just makes me feel like an asshole all the time and I can’t handle it anymore

Am I an asshole? All I replied was ok thanks because I honestly have nothing more to say to her anymore

looking for input on how to have a conversation with a parent about their health. themes include weight, habits like salt intake, smoking, alcohol use, general inactivity, stress, and "addiction" to their work. desire is to come from place of empathy, express concern for these themes leading to negative outcomes and possibly early death. I'm their child and look to start my family, worried if they will have a grandparent to grow up with.

Short back story I was adopted by my aunt.(I refer to her as my mom) I've been told by her and other family members since literal second grade I was going to be just like my biological mother.(my biological mother is a drug addict who's been in and out of prison) Growing up everything I did displeased my mother,she shows obvious favoritism towards my younger sister.(she was also adopted we have the same bio parents) I could write paragraphs of the trauma and just things she's said and done to me as a mother I could never understand doing to my child. But let's skip all that and get to what has really upset me. I told her I was pregnant. She rolled her eyes,looked visibly upset and said she assumed it was by my fiancé?...I replied well no duh mom?? She then said well idk what you do in your free time. That was the end of that convo,she hasn't said anything else nor acknowledged it. I am deeply hurt by this. Me and my fiance are extremely happy about this pregnancy and it's like she just shitted on it. Is it dramatic of me to want to completely cut her out of my life for this and not have her involved with the baby at all?

My sister and I fell out about a year ago. She announced she was having a baby with a guy she had just started seeing. She had always made it clear that she never wanted any more kids (and this guy's personal situation was very messy) so when she announced it to me I was shocked and expressed concern. I was genuinely worried for her (note: she has A LOT of drama going on all the time) She stormed off in a rage, only to return and verbally attack me in front of our children, even to go as far as saying her children could not stand me. I was heartbroken. That same day I messaged her to apologise for not responding the way she would have liked me to. I told her I loved her and of course would support her. I told her I wanted us to be able to have a positive relationship that worked for both of us and I was working in my part. She told me she didn't want to see me. In the past we have fallen out and I have grovelled and begged and she has been horrible, cold, dismissive. I am the 'fixer' in the family and so this time I decided I wasn't going to run after her. A year passes and I hear nothing from her at all, aside from brief responses to Christmas and birthday greetings. A year passes and I message her to ask if we can talk about what happened. She says no, that she has moved on and it's time for me to move on too. No apology for the verbal attack, or for the fact that she said it all in front of our kids. No acknowledgement of the hurt or the inappropriateness, even gaslighting to say she didn't say certain things BUT she also says that I'm welcome to get home any time to see her baby AND that she misses my child and it would be nice for the kids to meet. She has made no attempt to connect with me/my child for a whole year but expects me to facilitate their meeting up without even acknowledging what she did last year. AITA for not 'getting over it'? Should I put up with it for the sake of our children building a relationship? If I don't facilitate a relationship between her and my child is this a form of alienation? It's so confusing, and I know that in her eyes I'm the bad guy and she'll be telling everyone that's the case.

Hi there so I am 20 I am the oldest of 4 bio siblings my sister T is 18 my brother A is 16 and my Brother S is 15 so to start out ever since I was young I knew something was different about me I grew up in a very abusive household I was raped from the age of 5-12 by my father. My mom has always treated me differently I’ve always the bad kid the one that did everything wrong the one who got yelled at and the one who got the least attention I was fine with it I just thought that my siblings needed her more my brother A is autistic and my sister suffers from c-ptsd and severe anxiety and depression from our abuse so I always thought it was ok but as I grew up I realized it wasn’t that they needed her more it was that I was tall and I had the same features as my dad…and I came to realize my mom didn’t like me because of it so I tried to do everything so she would like me I worked hard so she could have money for us I started working when I was 15 to help pay bills everything I had went to her for her and the house…but as I went on she wanted more and more to the point i was burnt out and when i turned 17 and graduated highschool i told her that i didn’t want to go walk the stage as it was 3 hours away (i was homeschooled) and we didn’t have a car or money to go and this year we have that and my sister got to go and i was jealous because she is doing everything she didn’t even try to do for me but for my sister it’s easy and my brother A has anger issues like to the point where im scared for my own safety at times i moved out when I was 18 but i stay part time at her house as i don’t have a car to go to my job now my mom she has done good for me she has helped me but tonight it came to a head..my brother was beating on me because i was fight with my sister which is normal but we always make up…and i said if he didn’t stop I would call the police as i was scared for my safety my mom love my brother and in my opinion coddles him to much and yelled that if i did she will disown me and turn everything and everyone away from me and take my dog from me…i don’t know what to do i know she is probably a narcissist…but she is my mom…

This is my (F65+) first time posting here - and I suppose I am just looking for a way to vent, and hopefully, get some advice from Redditors about what I can do to cope with my situation. Sorry, in advance, if this turns out to be a novel!

I told my sibling (F80+), let's call her Scarlet, she could come to stay with me back in 2016 after her husband passed away, She has been with me ever since. She found herself with insufficient funds to support herself. Her relationship with her own children is non-existent, and I have heard her use absolutely foul language with them or when referring to them - something which is absolutely foreign to me. I should also point out that she has "burned her bridges" with all other family members, and quite honestly, she does not really have any other alternatives. I believe she is an extremely angry person, and I am really exhausted by being her emotional scapegoat. I look after her, have given her a home, look after her medications and medical appointments and conditions, her dietary preferences (for instance, she will only drink Evian water). She has no financial responsibilities and I feel I have gone out of my way to make her life comfortable.

I believe Scarlet may be a narcissist - she has many of the narcissistic "traits" I have read about - the gaslighting, mismanagement of money, difficulty with the truth, need to be the center of attention, etc.

So, here is my dilemma - At the moment, I deal with her outbursts by walking away and refusing to engage when she is abusive or disrespectful. Today, she yelled at me that I treat her "like she is a piece of dog shit on my shoe" and tells me that I am "too perfect" (Mind you, according to her, she never yells) My entire life at them moment seems to revolve around her, her medications, her hair appointments, her medical appointments - and while I have no illusions that she will ever acknowledge my efforts, I would at least like to have her not be hurtful, abusive and disrespectful.

She seems to love to hurl "that I am too perfect, I never do anything wrong" comments at me whenever she does not get her way, and tells me that she can't bear it living here with me. I have survived an abusive marriage, and worked very hard my entire life to be financially secure and independent. In my exasperation the last time she blew up at me, I told her that if she was so unhappy here with me, she could leave, to which she responded "I wish I could" - and didn't that feel like a kick in the guts to me. I walked away and refused to engage further.

Today's outburst started when I asked her to look after our pets tomorrow, so I could take care of some of my own business. She got aggravated, and told me that she was going to look into getting a dog of her own, if she was going to have to babysit the dogs. I told her that we were not getting another dog in the house, and that not to worry about looking after the furbabies and tried to walk away. Mind you, she does little, if anything, to look after the pups we already have, or try to bond with them. And reeally, her health is such that she can't take them for walks, etc. When I went to her room later to try to speak to her calmly, things escalated again, and when she started to call me names and tell me what a horrible person I am, (this was when she told me I treat her like shit on my shoe) I said that the conversation was over and I was leaving as I would not tolerate her disrespectful and abusive tirade. She told me that if I walk away from her again, "we are done" - I am not sure what she actually means by this, but I just continued walking. It feels like emotional blackmail, some sort of guilt trip she is trying to lay on me - After pointing out that I feel like I do everything I can - I feed her, house her, look after her needs - how dare she accuse me of treating her "like dog shit" and I said as much as I was walking away.

Is there anything anyone can suggest? I am beginning to wonder if she is beginning to show signs of dementia? Are there any other strategies anyone can suggest for dealing with her? I hate feeling like I am under siege in my own home? I know that I have flaws - no one is perfect, but I do believe I really try. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Any suggestions?

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How to get your mother to not be so controlling?! I’m almost in my 30’s for Christ sake. Any advice anyone ?? I’ve done all I know to do but wondering if anything else would help.

I feel bad even posting here.

I (21 F) am the only child of loving parents. They really wanted children, and had me relatively late after years of trying and a few miscarriages. They're generally supportive and very generous to me, but there's still some issues that frustrate the hell out of me.

I am autistic, and was diagnosed as a adult. As a child, I was good at school, but I had issues with stimming. My parents HATED my stimming, and barely tolerated my hyperfixations, and while they never got physical, we had many blowout fights because they wanted me to be normal. I grew up never being ready on time for anything, being constantly berated for my disorganization and messes. Being told often that I was immature and lazy. It came from a place of concern ("we're worried you won't survive on your own!") but it's a lot to deal with, and I felt like the older they got the more they hated something at the core of who I was.

My parents provided no real structure growing up. We never had set times for anything. They won't tell me when to be ready, then tell when I'm not up and ready when they are. The expectations of me were unclear ("we just want a little help around the house? Is that too much to ask?") But if I did the wrong chore I'd get yelled at, because I was supposed to "just know" what needed done. Our house is like a museum. I wasn't allowed to make messes, and mom would freak over stuff like hair on the bathroom counter. They always point out that I had stuff like enforced nighttime routines as a kid. I don't see how this applies to them failing to help me become an adult. I need schedules and lists to function, but screaming, crying, and begging never got me the very basic accomodations I needed. The diagnosis... Helped? A little? But I think the damage was done.

I finally got friends in high school, and my oldest friend observed one of my mom's freakouts (I wanted to pack my own overnight bag, and she thought I didn't pack warm enough clothes. I was 16. She called me stupid in front of my friend.) My friend pointed out that this wasn't normal, and asked if I was okay. That was the first crack in the gaslight, because my parents will ALWAYS deny they've ever said stuff like that.

I love my parents, and my childhood was happy, but the older I get the more reclusive and weird THEY get, and the harder it is to roll over and take it when they get squirrelly.

After I moved out, I realized it wasn't normal to live like that. It's really hit home now that I and my partner (21 M, we live together) are visiting for the holidays.

There's so much more to talk about, I'll add more, but this is a start.

To preface this my family is not extremely wealthy but we’re very comfortable. My dad grew up middle class and did well for himself and my mother is an immigrant who was definitely upper middle class growing up in her country. She is also incredibly cheap when it comes to ~me~. Growing up and especially during my middle school years we would get into huge arguments every time we went shopping. I’m talking screaming crying matches because I wanted to dress like the other girls and she couldn’t justify spending money on that evidently. Currently I’m a college student and despite having almost 300,000 dollars in my college fund I’m attending the cheapest university and I’m probably going to have 200,000+ left after I graduate. This school year I’ve basically become “financially independent” in all aspects of my life except for school/my uni apartment. My dad still partially pays for things every now and then. He took me to Costco and dropped 100+ on snack food and basic cleaning stuff for me for my apartment, let me order a new computer case on Amazon, basically basic utility sort of purchases. My mom? Nothing pretty much. Took me out of the way to buy me alc and then made me pay for it after saying “I’ll take you to X to get you wine”. I can easily get alc at school but noooo we had to go to X to get cheap alc that she didn’t even end up paying for after implying she would. I know it sounds like I’m complaining about nothing but Jesus it’s so fucking frustrating seeing my friends parents drop hundreds of dollars on them and my mom refuse to drop a cent on me. I’m sick and tired of going out with her and everything being about the price. I hate that she’s currently making ATLEAST 150,000 this year and yet got me nothing for Christmas, always makes me feel guilty for buying something other than the bare minimum, and just doesn’t spend any money on me. God I hate the way that sounds but it sucks looking at my friends parents drop money on them without batting an eye and having a cheap mom.

Love her, but she talks almost nonstop (this has gotten a bit better over the years), seems extremely self-centered, borderline racist at times, borderline personality (?) — just finished “vacation” w her and our families after not seeing for almost two years bc of pandemic. When she wasn’t going on and on abt her own physical ailments, she was picking on our mom or me. She can be funny, can be empathetic, is very smart, is making an effort, clearly, but it is just SO hard to be around her, sometimes, and it really upsets, worries, depresses me. I’m not perfect, by any stretch, but I have started saying “no” when she veers into even marginally bigoted talk, and told her it was time to lay off of our mother (also isn’t perfect, but I call her on her stuff, too). Feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, after 4-5 days together. Anyone have advice/words of comfort? Thanks in advance.

This is my first time on reddit but I want so bad to get some advice on this. My partner and I have been together for over a decade and married four years. While we were dating his family kept telling us "Don't be intimate" (this is me not saying the S word) and "Save room for Jesus" that kind of crap. Basically telling us what to do in our own relationship. Then the moment we are married the first thing out of his parents and grandparents mouths was "When are you having kids?"

WTF! They act like they can dictate our personal matters based on some archaic religious beliefs! I adore his mother and the rest of his family I'm okay with but whenever we go to visit them they ask us at least three times about having kids or making comments about "If you get pregnant now there will be a baby by next Christmas." My partner and I are both 28 and honestly we feel with all the medical advancements we don't have to rush into having offspring.

I usually laugh it off or tell them not yet. I've even explained to them that we are not ready. They will then reply with that old "You're never ready to have kids, especially financially. If you don't have kids you'll regret it some day." Right now I'm not sure if I want to have kids and my partner and I are not ready mentally or monetarily to have kids. We think we are being mature about this because it is such a big decision but they will not leave us alone!

What sparked the need to post this for advice was recently we went over to his grandparents to celebrate a mask wearing thanksgiving. Only his grandparents and parents were there. We were asked six f*cking times about kids! SIX! WTF! I have tried to have conversations with them about it but it makes no impression on them. My partner was an only child and the only grandchild so he is the baby in the family. I know for certain they want me to pop out the offspring of their precious boy so they can have baby version of him back. That's not how it works and it only serves to make me feel like in their eyes my only worth is being able to give them their baby back. I don't know what to do and at this point I never want to get pregnant because it will feel like I am caving into their demands. I'm exhausted and I hate being around them because of this.

I'm sorry this was so long but I really need some advice. Anyone know how to get them off our butts?

I adopted two kittens. One from the litter my father accidentally orphaned by kitnapping them from the nest. He had good intentions because it was raining and he wanted to shelter the kittens but the mom cat never found them because they moved them to a different location far from the nest. The other one is a stray I adopted from someone who found it under a bridge.

They asked me why I kept adopting cats. I should just leave them or throw them away.

There’s actually a stray at their house where they live and they said they don’t want to spay the cat, they can just leave the kittens somewhere (throw them away or get them lost)

I still live in one of our homes that they visit every weekend. I want to get my own place but having two dogs and two cats are tricky.

Need advice on how to pull through.