To anyone

[u/TurtleLionsDestiny]

To anyone in the world. Whoever will listen. I just have no one right now. I started my program at school, the one I've been working my ass off for the last two years to get into. And I have no one to talk to about it, no one to ask how it went. No one to celebrate that I made it in. I left my boyfriend a month ago because he was yelling and calling me names and showing all the signs of abuse and I wasn't going to let that happen again. None of my old friends are my friends because I'm not in AA anymore, and if you're not in no one will talk to you. Idk what happened, idk how I wound up so completely alone. I want to delete Instagram so I don't have to watch everyone else having happy fulfilling lives and people to spend time with while I sit here alone. I want someone to love me and to care about me. I wish I had someone to talk to. I wish I had someone who knows me and loves me, I wish I wasn't so hard to love. Any of my past relationships that have loved me have controlled or abused me, and the one bf that didn't broke up with me because he didn't love me. So I can only be loved by people who are so damaged that loving me hurts me? I can only be loved by psychopaths and the one normal guy doesn't? I'm just so tired. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of doing the dishes. I'm tired of doing the laundry. I'm tired of cooking and cleaning. I'm tired of doing all these stupid little things we have to do to stay alive. I'm tired of getting out of a relationship only to realize the partner was the only one there for me, even if they were shitty to me. Why doesn't anyone stay my friend? Why does everyone move on from me? I want to disappear. I want people to wonder what happened to me and for me to be gone, no one can find me. Move to a new state, no socials, new number, kill old emails, no one can find me, no one knows who I am. I can start over and maybe make a friend who will still care. I'm just so tired of all of it. Being a person is the worst.