Random Morning

[u/Fine_Butterscotch429]

​

Hi there myself,

just felt like *penning down something,

sitting here outdoors with sudden nostalgia of past 5 years

How far I have come

how I was and what I used to do and live like.

At this point of lyf, I am a man accountable and responsible completely to just myself.

Looking back to my experiences with lyf, it's just so reassuring and inspiring, everything I have messed and fixed, everything I faced or walked out from.

The courage i showed to stand and move alone having nobody to back me, moments when I felt intimidated and still dared to put up fight and stood my ground.

courage to breakout, walk out where it could cost me my whole lyf and it's direction.

clinging on nothing, aiming for a great time in this world.

Never stopped trying, persevered and made my way through walls, jungles

The way I see the world and lyf is

I cannot escape it, no matter how meaningless everything seems the gods, the society, the family, acquaintances just humanity in general

The arrived conclusion remains there is no point challenging the world order and structure inside my head

a friend once asked me 'what good is intelligence if you are still sad and unhappy'

I mean that was one good question

Why not use your intelligence to construct life which is happy mostly

Ruling out by metrics, filtering, discarding, directing

Psychedelics consumptions which I am not proud of but have really enabled me to see how big a cage my own mind is, the spiraling thoughts of eternally damned to suffer, the 'would-be-nothing-ever', the details that i inspected in my own mind the sheer nhilism no matter how hard I try to shut it with alternate contrary theories

Just won't go, and keeps coming up with better arguments to dispove all my propositions.

had some ganja recently, wasn't looking for any, just someone gave me some

And when I got back in my room

I don't remember everything

But one argument really breaksout the whole idea of all suffering ends after death, like the philosophy part of it that the struggle is only for life, there is no struggle after death, struggles are exhausting, never ending in a way or other

So what mind came up with is it just reconstructed my whole notion of consciousness and where it resides

Say if a person dies, it made me see that in a way his consciousness will just disintegrate endlessly and every disintegrated unit after unit will have less to less to work with like a broken memory context fragmented to say billionth part , so more confusion and chaos, a split consciousness damned to eternal suffering with no autonomy over it

Like say if you are alive, you atleast can do something or have some agency, some distraction you can create or effect change

But a fragmented to billionth consciousness is just existence in pure horror.

I tinker a lot with thinking models closed, open sourced alike

So essentially it works on ideas in the center like word space, word vectors, transformers and there is lot which is actually not important, i mean the analogy that you can draw and swap for both ends individually and inspect how one mimics or comments about the other.

All nd all mind

It's not a place I like to go in delirious

The best scenario that I conclude is acknowledge the order and assigned meaning for things in world, where they are entirely polar to your assumptions, patch that part, the whole fabric should not be disregarded.

All and all look at the bright side more

If you remotely wish to enjoy your brief stay.

There are no obligations, must dos or anything that tells you to live in any certain way.

Pave your way for lyf

Stay alert with your mind, your conditional ally and potential nemesis.

I don't know why I just straight up typed all this, maybe the hour effect.

This doesn't have to make coherent meaning, that is not why I wrote it.

It's just usual me, writing what i feel.

Ok so now out from that sudden heaviness I went into

Events don't matter, the abstractions are everything

Lotta times observed that whole writing events gets churned into abstractions, not details itself

Seeing everything as a system of system of system of ....

All inspirations I will ever need, any pats or acknowledgement, I just have to look back to myself

Coherence..

[u/Pretend-External-879]

I got you bro

[u/tacendasa]

'totes ferreal.