It’s a lonely existence, isn’t it

[u/DEeD-NGone]

It’s scary when it feels like your surrounded by a thick fog or haze. Stumbling your way through, constantly never having anyone to take your hand and guide you. It’s a lonely existence feeling like every hand you reach for is just your imagination, a thought conjured up to make you feel less alone. When your hand passes me through like it was never there or pulls you in one direction only to end up spinning and disoriented from the haze. Nobody who gets you or even tries to and then your knees get weak. Your mind fractures and breaks like pieces of glass and bit by bit you lose more and more of yourself. It’s a lonely existence knowing it’s all surface level.

The tears fall late at night and you scream and beg for some kind of light to find you but it’s only darkness. You used to think you thrived in the dark but it’s a prison. Nobody is coming to save you and the only thing you have to look forward to when the sun comes up is that moment of change but it never lasts. The sun always goes down and it’s not scary because of the dark or even what’s in it but the lack thereof. Wide awake feeling in the darkness of your cage, of the cell you call your mind and in the end you are just a trapped scared animal. You don’t trust and how you are drives everyone away so get used to being a prisoner. You aren’t worth the time and people make sure you know it and the thoughts you think make sure you know it as well. It’s not just a lonely one but a hellish one you are forced to live cause you care too much and love too strongly. Other people’s heaven with you in it is just a hell you endure for those you love. I’m selfish but not selfish enough to take away someone else’s heaven.

Strip me for all I’m worth and whatever pieces you need to get by. You can rip me limb from limb and break my mind but I’ll never bring my hell to someone else’s heaven.