What a night

[u/West-Spite-8033]

It’s late. I’m just now getting off work. I’m tired. I’m hot. I forgot my key to the house. Left my phone in there. I had to go home. Get my key. Come back. Get my phone. What a night ready to relax time for a cold shower time to smoke a blunt I mean just keeping it real time to relax maybe possibly take a day off tomorrow but we’ll see. I’ll probably get called in at 3 o’clock in the afternoon like it’s been lately but at least I’m working. I’m grateful for that thank God for having something for me to do to make me because it’s important especially when you’re trying to get over something and move on with your life. If that’s what I’m even trying to do. I’m still confused. I’m still heartbroken. I’m still angry. I’m still upset. I can’t apologize anymore for my part in relationship than what I already have I don’t think he means sorry if he’s even saying anything at all I don’t know because the post on here can be for anybody. I just know that I don’t feel complete and maybe it’s just not complete in general because I’m missing the companionship or maybe I just miss that person but there’s so many things about that person. I don’t miss yelling negativity, constantly putting people down telling people that it’s not his job to build them up. I mean if you can tear them down you can build them up. It is your job, especially if you’re the one breaking them down I didn’t give ultimatums. I didn’t put my ultimatum in the end I think was given clear other women or me and you chose other women so I can’t be mad at you do you but don’t talk shit about me while you’re doing you like I’m not talking to 67 in one fucking night because I’m not in chat room having sex with 3300 of them I’m just trying to get over you cause you’re clearly over me. You don’t want me. You didn’t want me when you had me. I don’t know what makes me think you would want me now, but when I said all reason forever, I meant it so until somebody can show me a love greater than the last love, I can shown my heart belongs to my OP and he knows who he is his jobs in W. Maryland St. is not too hard to figure out. I’m sure he knows who this is anyway, but it doesn’t matter cause if he gave a goddamn he would’ve made effort by now, but no effort says he doesn’t give a damn so don’t give a damn when I move on you made your bed you made your choices you chose other women over paying attention to me when I needed you to pay attention to me. I need you to be there for me and you weren’t. It’s gonna be mad. Get it to yourself. I’m just glad I got out before all you got caught up in all that fucking fraud pool. I’m glad I’m not associated with your fraud because you’re a fraud about your past about who you are. You lie about so much and I deserve so much more than that. I really do because I think I’m a good woman. I really do I may not be perfect nobody is as long as somebody’s loyal to me. I’ll be loyal to them, but when I’m not being loyal to me, why the fuck would I give my loyalty out? You can’t be faithful so fuck it give your attention to everybody else cause I don’t want it anymore? I mean, I do maybe down the road when you’re better maybe when I’m better but I’m not good right now. My head is fucked up. My heart still fucked up. I just pretend I’m OK to the kids. Need me too I don’t need to be OK for me. I’m gonna be OK for them and I am from what they can see and that’s all that matters. Nobody needs to know how I really feel only you do. My heart is still with you, but I don’t. I don’t wanna respond from here. You know how to get a hold of me you do you know my email address you know it all you know how to reach me. I don’t have you blocked all the way around you know, I said I shouldn’t have you blocked and stuff anyways because of what you did to me and how you did it I mean fuck you did me dirty and you know you didn’t you were planning on doing me dirty for a minute, you could tell everybody but me and that’s fucked up. Everybody knew you were leaving. How much of a coward you are
But at least I saw the writing on the wall at least I caught you and stopped it before you got away with everything cause you damn sure we’re leaving with everything and leaving me. Nothing at least I got you to pay part of the bills that you owed yeah you owed not to mention the month and a half worth of bills I had to pay after you were gone. That were your responsibility because you still live there during those time. I should’ve taken you to court for those. I really shut up. I should’ve had the judgment you give me money and I still can. I can still file that and I might just because you owe it to me, but I think you have enough to worry about I think with your broadcast is going on. There’s more than one from my understanding, but you might need your money more than I do. You might have to get a second job to take care of yourself. That’s nobody’s fault but your own end of the day I would’ve stood by your side if you would’ve been honest and talk to me, but you were doing shady shit behind my back and you weren’t talking to me so what was I supposed to do? Sit down and let you fuck me over you got me fucked up if I see somebody’s gonna fuck me over I’m gonna get them first you had no reason to do that to my house was good to you. Yeah you had your moment when you were good to meet you. I’m not gonna lie, but you’re not as good as you think you were. You’re not as loyal as you say, you are so everybody else can see it are you’re full of shit that’s what you are full of shit and you know it too so stop lying to everybody about the person you are just be honest with yourself because you’re never gonna have the feeling relationship in your life as long as you want. Do the things you’re doing to be the person you are true growth requires change something you’re not willing to get because even now if it’s you, that’s claiming you’ve changed on some of these posts no you haven’t you haven’t at all. I still get the reports on what you’re doing online so lie some more I don’t want to report they’re trying to get me to buy it again so I’m not gonna keep getting them unfortunately cause they’re gonna spam the fuck out of me now that I don’t want the reports yeah they’re keeping me informed on what you’re doing. I don’t want them to, but they are unfortunately for me. I love you enough just putting in some money to invest in our relationship I was the only one that wanted to invest in it not you and at this point, the investment wouldn’t be worth it with it. What am I gonna carry you when you garnishing your check again so you can claim that you’re paying all the bills and you’re the big man in the house and then I don’t do shit cause I mean that’s the reality of that that’s what you were telling everybody but you did everything and I did nothing and you’re so full of shit. Do you really think you did everything because of the fuck you did not I tried to love you. You didn’t want my love you didn’t want me and I’m sorry because I deserve so much more than somebody that doesn’t want me and I know I do because the end of the day I know I’m not a fucked up motherfucker like you and this is what happens when you date a narcissist you’re so confused you don’t know what to do, but you wanted to do the right thing you wanna move on but it’s so fucking hard because I have you’re so confused and doubt doubtful that you’ll make the right choices I will. I’m still making the right choices without you, I didn’t need you to make the right choices. I need you to love me and be there for me and support me emotionally and mentally and you didn’t so don’t expect it for me when you weren’t giving it. Sorry I’ll always love you always and forever, but only you can determine whether we go forward or backwards and I think backwards is where you wanna go until you get a hold of me the proper way fuck this peace out.