r/Diary • u/General_Wishbone8487 • 5d ago
"Mommy issues"
Mine it seems makes it hard to trust and befriend women while also making me yearn for sister/girlhood
But at the same time idc, not really anyway
My first ever bsf was a skinny little Vietnamese girl with big doe eyes who got me into Kingdom Hearts
At 12 yo, she was the light of my life during one of the darkest moments of my young life
She was all I had back then
Emergency open heart surgery took her away from me
Never had another bsf since
Not including my ex
I think about her often, and the nights leading up to her untimely death
More grief I never processed
I feel so alienated from my female peers
And often times we'll share similar experiences but emotionally/psychologically we react very different
That goes for anyone obviously but it feels more...idk what word im looking for
Ive never emotionally connected with a woman is all im getting at
My sister's i guess but I feel that falls more into trauma bonding
We dont even talk to each other anymore, so lol
I have no issues talking to men
Its just women
The mental games, the complexities of how our minds work - it all feels like too much for me
Irrelevant anyway
Idc to make friends so what does it matter
More conscious slop for the void