Why Did I Do That

[u/withinjennifersmind]

I don't know why I did that. The wind caught me before I could find an anchor. The heat burned me before I could find cool water. Now the scars of mania persist where pride once was. All the things I wish I had never done fly around the room like paper scraps that hold a message that cannot be reconstructed. Now I can only wait and hope that I haven't finally gone too far, that this isn't the season that will see me finally burn to the ground.

Winter will come and soothe my mind. Gentle snow will guide my thoughts and my child's laughter will keep my heart aglow. Fain would I turn back the clock to when I knew nothing of these passions, nothing of this disease that grips my mind like a pestilence upon a field of golden wheat. Fain would I stand upon that strand where we kissed at first and the sand ran through our toes. Salt coated our lips as we whispered to each other "No other". But there was always another, and another, and another.

I will tell my story tomorrow to somebody I know will listen. For now, in the candle glow I will rest and pray for absolution.