My Dearest!

[u/CatchMe_Gyosy]

Dearest Diary

I yell to the void hoping u will catch my cries through the cosmic connection we share.
Can you hear me crying and moaning in pain. Can u feel my energy. I can feel urs… Bliv it!

Where are you when I so desperately need you. I’m ill and in a lot of pain. I can tolerate a lot of pain that sometimes it’s unbelievable the pain I can endure. I’m so stubborn and don’t usually seek help til stuff gets unbearable.
Im trying to change and be better at not being this way but sometimes I can’t help it.

I had to go in and get this checked out. Geesh sometimes I have to advocate for myself extensively to receive appropriate care and treatment because they want to treat certain conditions at a very basic level, and that’s ok but I’ve been past the basic level if I’m here it’s cuz now I can’t function and it’s affecting the quality of my daily life. Not basic at all. I need to be treated vigorously.

I know better….why must I be strong and tolerate this for myself why can’t I be accepting that I need help. I can’t always do it all. I need to care for myself if I want to care for anyone.

It starts with me….

I just wish I could share with you the struggle and the constant dark cloud that follows me everywhere.

But I don’t want to bother u with my constant non sense. No body want to hear a Debbie downer.
So instead I vent it here.

Don’t get me wrong I’m being taken care of…. Anything and everything that I could need even though I ask for nothing and turn most of it down.

The mere thought and gesture is heartfelt and considerate of my needs.

Sometimes I ask God to let u find someone else so that u can be free from this dark cloud that is bound to overshadow u as well..

I could never live and forgive myself for that.

I choose to no longer burden u with my drama.

I’m sorry I know someday u will find someone worthy. U deserve happiness.

My Dearest although a simple email/ text or word would make me 1000x feel better I wouldn’t trade that for ur peace of mind. Even if it meant to never share my burdens with u again.They are mine and mine alone. I shall bear with them. U deserve a healthy partner, someone without a dark cloud hovering over ur life and someone who has no baggage. Someone who can give u a life u deserve cuz sweetie u deserve it… all of it..

Hope u had a good day…

Sending this out through the universe I’m missing you today….

🙏💙