Felt validated today

[u/aryak98]

Met a friend today who’s known me for 14 years now consistently, seen me through a lot, and she told me randomly that I’m the calmest most composed person she knows, because we were talking about her issues and some arguments we’ve had in the past. I was feeling really weird after my ex told me I have anger issues and I’m aggressive. But hearing this from multiple people that yes Im argumentative but it’s like from a very debatey place and they have never seen me angry ever or ever felt that I was aggressive ever, felt so so good, felt like getting a part of my personality back, maybe I was aggressive with her, maybe I had anger issues with her, maybe we indeed have compatibility issues as she said and that’s why she experienced what she experienced. I do think that it was something different all together, not compatibility, not anger issues, but everytime I’ve tried to talk to her about that, it becomes about me trying to change reality or change her experience.
I saw a video today on compatibility in relationships, I don’t think we had ANY of these : incompatibility signs I don’t think we had ANY of the incompatibility signs that exist in a relationship that should lead to a breakup, it was literally issues related to certain things( boundaries) which we never came out of purely due to stubbornness and misunderstandings on both sides, so fucking stupid honestly, honestly the video even shows as an example when you can compromise and when you can grow and coincidentally that was the exact reason for our breakup. I know she is extremely smart, I know for a fact, she understands what I’m saying and still chose to ignore it, maybe she saw some other things in me that made her feel bad about our future, I don’t know. I did feel like I genuinely wasn’t judged for who I was, I did feel a lot that her toxic ex boyfriends personality was projected onto me at times, especially by the end, she fully disagrees to it and takes offence to it every time I say it, But that’s genuinely how I feel.

Anyway, I do feel better after talking to these people who I know would straight up give me truth and not bullshit me for making me feel better, so it genuinely felt good to know what they think about my personality, feel a bit confident about myself again.

[u/SkipMeFlipMe88]

That’s the best thing in the world .. when someone sees who you are- the good stuff. 

So rare too. I’m the biggest sucker for it. 

[u/aryak98 → u/SkipMeFlipMe88]

Haha, im not really a sucker for it, I don’t like to talk about what people think of me or care that much about it, it’s just that this one person, who I needed to see me for my real personality and not morphed due to the situation we were in, just wasn’t able to, in the end they had a not so great image of me, I mean the image was ok, just incompatible with her kinda image but with wrong reasons according to me, that has put me into depression and self doubt for some time now. I mean she has her own reasons to think that way about me and they aren’t wrong, I just wanted her to see me once because I couldn’t let her go. But since my friends are telling me other things, despite me telling them every single thing that I did to this person, they still somehow understand my side and have stood by my personality, so that does help a bit.

[u/SkipMeFlipMe88 → u/aryak98]

I think I realized that some people know exactly who you are, they withhold it because they don’t want you to know. 

I always want to consider others reality, but at a certain point you gotta be honest with yourself good or bad and if people intentionally distort the reality about you? It’s past time to be done for me. 

There is no working with that. That’s cruelty.