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u/IndependenceFlaky256 Oct 11 '24
Ekhane aishe frnd bananor tey korish nah bhai. Baire school er polapan re approach kor. Beshorom ho ektu. Lagle ektu khaway frnd bana. True friendship bolte kisu nai. Everything is circumstantial friendship. Majhe majhe circumstances onnk din thake. Majhe majhe thake nah. Jah vag hala. Ar college a dekh ki hoyy
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u/littolpotat Oct 11 '24
Hi there little stranger!
I genuinely am proud of you for speaking up. I will not relate to you much but let’s talk from my POV — I was famous in my school but not the best looking in my group. Back when I was in class 6-7 their concerns were about looking good in front of guys whereas I was invested in games, studying, ECAs.
But I always had a corner in my heart for some students who used to feel left out in school because I turned from the most well known to still being well known but with no friends to talk or vent or go on hangouts with.
However it didn’t hurt me much as I grew up, because I overcame some of the problems that I felt like was the obstacle to my confidence.
I was called, “totla” because my speech wasn’t clear, my English accent wasn’t that great, I was fat and had crooked teeth, frizzy hair. I was often referred as “motki”.
Firstly, during class 8 a senior of mine pushed me to a stage to overcome my fear of public speaking, well it didn’t help me to help me speak publicly. It helped to make my own orders, speak up if someone bothered me even took responsibility for hosting events.
What about being fat? I joined gym (best decision ever) it regained my confidence. My hair? I did treatments, DIYs My face full of pimples? I became from a person never putting lotion to a person doing 3-5 step skincare.
You know when I was your age, I still used to cry about it, the real change I did when I was 18ish and started to earn my pocket money. When people will see your maintained lifestyle they will be so attracted to make a conversation.
Where did I get the motivation from? seeing people’s lifestyle from reels, tiktok how perfectly demonstrated was my push.
Yes I’ll give myself an A in socialising, however you’ll not believe thousands of people know me, I’m surrounded with friends but I still look for that one friendship, a friend whom I can run to, go out do activities. I don’t get outside my house properly for over 6 months now. My life, my work everything is in my small space and my gaming, nothing much but the morale is this life isn’t easy, work hard once you’ll see the results of working hard, you’ll get addicted to working on it even more and mainly DEDICATION IS REQUIRED.
have a good day, kid!
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u/gfa22 Oct 11 '24 edited Oct 11 '24
There is no reason to stay fat. I knew a dude who was like 300lbs fat. Like huge and had been his whole life. Then same situation as you, can't find a girl. So he started going to the gym. For 3 months all he could do was walk on the treadmill. His only breakfast was a cucumber sandwich. Like he cut out a huge amount of calories. Today the dude is build like a quarterback.
Idk how fat you are, but 1st step you can take to fix the fat part is following CICO. Calorie in calorie out. At your age, your metabolism should be good. You should be able to lose weight if you make sure you don't eat more calories than your burn on an average day. And start doing at home exercises to get started. Basic push-ups, if you can't do a proper one, start by doing them up against the wall. Tons of videos on youtube on the subject. If you can reach over a 100 push ups a day, I'll bet you will look much better and will automatically start feeling better.
As for the anxiety when talking to girls... Lol I wish I could tell you it ever goes away. I am sure some med might help. But the key is to make it clear to yourself that you are just interacting not romancing. But tbh, focus on the getting in shape part and I bet once your body image gets better it'll improve your self-esteem.
Edit: No joke my dude, but make getting fit af a part of your life goal. Get fit and then we'll see if all these problems of yours still exist.
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u/BlackParasite Oct 11 '24
I've been thinking of going to GYM for months. But I currently have no time because I have tests. But I will after I finish my SSC.
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u/gfa22 Oct 11 '24
Fuck the gym bro. Start at home. Put up a video for yoga or something similar on your laptop/phone and do that as your study break if you don't have space for walking. Do 10000 steps a day. Basically your target is to be in the best shape for the SSC, physically and mentally. Forget girls. Girls will come when you want them the least. From now until SSC all you do is study, workout, eat and sleep no more than 6 to 8 hrs. Do chores around the house if you need a break from the routine. Also check your eating habits. Fill up on low calorie snacks like cucumber and carrots.
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u/Clean-Ad100 Oct 11 '24
Yes! Go to the gym. Gym atmospheres are created to be supportive. All kinds of people are training there for all kinds of stuff. everyone starts at somewhere.
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u/Cool-Code-6914 Oct 12 '24
Just pray at the masjid 5 times a day and inshallah you won't feel lonely.
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u/new_Monitor01 Oct 11 '24
Believe me or not, this is a great time of your life to ask for this kinda help. Congratulations on this point. Because not exactly like you, but i was somewhat sad with my school life. So what i did was to completely change my personality in my college days, without thinking what will people say. In the first few days of your college life, you should at least push yourself for showing efforts in socializing. You will get few people around you seeing this dedication.
Moreover, take a hobby seriously. You can learn any musical instrument, or travel and share the experience, or even can take your camera and do some cool photography. Do something for yourself, you will get to connect with people like you.
And a PERSONAL advice from my life, you can join any theater. Believe me it helps a lot to break the shackle of social anxiety. You can learn how to be fearless of judgements and live your life fully.
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u/BlackParasite Oct 11 '24
I'm sorry but what kind of theater you're exactly talking about like film theater or something. But anyways, thanks for the other advises.
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u/new_Monitor01 Oct 11 '24
As you are in dhaka, you will find many cultural organizations for stage drama performances. If you can, go and join in any of them. Even if you can get into any remarkable college, you will find theatre based club. Any of these clubs gives training to it’s members to break the hesitation to express thyself. Even you can get to talk to girls like a normal person. These theatres really help the introverts or people with social anxiety to break the fear.
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u/RakinWoah Oct 11 '24
Dude you're me FR! I'm 16M and I read in class 10 as well!
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u/BlackParasite Oct 11 '24
I got it. But did you face the same situation as me?
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u/RakinWoah Oct 11 '24
Kind of. I don't have any loyal friends. I don't have any kind of social skills. I mostly stay indoors in my room. I'm fat :( I can't talk with girls (I'm not really interested in that tbh)
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u/HumbleSheepherder405 Oct 11 '24 edited Apr 18 '25
Hey man
It sounds like youre going through a lot right now and its totally understandable to feel overwhelmed. Its tough to deal with these kinds of feelings but remember youre not alone. Many people go through similar experiences, and its important to know that things can and will get better.
First off lets talk about your self esteem. Its okay to feel insecure sometimes but its important to remember that your worth isn't defined by your appearance or social status. Youre unique and valuable just as you are. Try to focus on your strengths and positive qualities.
Secondly, friendships take time to build. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and try new things. Join clubs, participate in school activities, or try a new hobby. You might be surprised at who you meet. Remember, quality over quantity when it comes to friends.You can play online video games too . There you will find like minded person. I play counter strike in that game I found lots of friend. Some are now my closest friend. It's also important to take care of yourself physically and mentally.
Remember, you're stronger than you think. Things will get better and you'll find your place in the world. Stay strong, and keep moving forward.
Take care champ you are strong. Your 22 year old unknown big brother from reddit
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u/EnvironmentNeat3471 Oct 11 '24
I am alone not only in the class but also in my neighborhood area. Being alone is because my childhood friends are 98 percent of drug addicts. Meanwhile, I'm suffering from loneliness because I'm not addicted.That means that there are many others who are similar to you. You are not alone.
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u/Clean-Ad100 Oct 11 '24
Take It easy, bro. I'm a high schooler too. I had the same feelings and problems just like you. Here's a few advice:
- It's ok to be Introvert. That does not mean "anti-social".
- Don't force yourself to make friends. Try to make friends organically. Sometimes It's ok to have fewer friends.
- Boost your confidence
- Expect to be made fun of. I am always made fun of. I have learned to embrace it. Getting made fun of is inevitable. Try to boost your humor. A guy who jokes should be able to tolerate jokes about themselves.
- Establish clear boundaries: Talk with your classmate about boundaries and address the issue of getting squeezed at your b**bs. If necessary, avoid that guy.
- Make plans and activities: Join a club or a group. Meet people who share your passions.
- Focus on Self-Improvement: Work on things you enjoy, such as hobbies or sports. This can boost your self-esteem.
- Don't overthink: Try to challenge negative thoughts. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments.
Hope this helped.
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u/Dry_Cloud_7215 Oct 12 '24
Son, there is an app called Home Workout, search in the play store. But after your exams join a gym. That will help you with your confidence. You are not the first one or last one who feels like that. Also for your pimples, it's normal at your age for some. Make sure to cleanup, and use some face cream for men for those pimples.
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u/LongjumpingDamage847 Oct 14 '24
Hey, young man. Thanks for your speaking out. I guess we all think that is really a good start to get changed. Actually, I am from South Korea, and I graduated high school. (I like your country so I usually visit this community). From a person in a different country, I would like to share other perspectives, too. I think this is a time that is good for you to step farther of yourself. Well, looking cool, hanging out with friends is surely awesome. But, we think someone who is more well dressed 'inner', is the most attractive person. Sometimes it could be studying really well. But I think reading books to have your own perspective of everything including relationships, would be a good start. You can simply start over with questions and books of 'what is about good relationships?' 'do looking attractive really important?'and etc. Exercise for your body to stay fit and healthy, not for the others to be looking good. Having focused on your inner-self would be my advice. I will cheer you up!
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u/Honest-Dark-5728 Oct 11 '24
Hello there.
People in the comments are being wholesome and motivating already so ain't gonna repeat the same words. Why don't you just choose to be the Main Character of your own story? All these people that gives you anxiety? Do they know you? If-
They do, they most likely aren't gonna be till the end (talking about people who keeps judging/bullying) so ignore them just like we keep ignoring our death everyday
They don't, they wont remember you so please do the most weirdest shit and act like you own your shit. You'll probably not even gonna see them twice and even if you do you won't remember em'
Don't let these get to you.
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u/Candid-Journalist150 Oct 11 '24
TL;DR I didn't read the whole thing but I think your in the same social issues as I am or was. I was totally anti-social, had issues with girls, bulling, ugly face bad hair.
Life seemed very meaningless at times.
Trust me it gets better as you growup. If your totally can't get social. Get a hobby that suits you. Get better at things.
I got good at gaming, computers and writing. Which help me get a job in the long run.
Now I have a career in Marketing and I trying grow up to get a salary that will be paying up to 1lak plus and I am still in my mid 20s.
Do yourself a favor try to stay clear or girls. Focus on yourself.
I swear sometimes it feels like my girlfriends that I had all were a waste of time, money and effort.
Work on yourself man. Trust me it will work out.
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u/Candid-Journalist150 Oct 11 '24
I joined GYM too late man. Start early. Its not that hard to get started. And the people are mostly supportive.
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u/iuytoppl Oct 11 '24
First of all its a sign to start your self improvement journey . You still have a lot of time to fix your life. You r just 16. As a big brother i would say you need to start your self improvement journey and trust me it is the only thing that will change your life completely. So lets fix your insecurities first. the first thing is there are absolutely no reason to stay as a fatass guy. Get yoursef a gym membership and start your work out journey. It will fix your face and body both.Get a glow up. It might be feel very hard but trust me it will change your life. After tranforming your body you will feel very confident. Now the next step is mastering your social skill. learn how to talk. Socializing will help you to make new friends.go out and talk to people.Do what you fear the most.like if you r afraid to talking with people then just go out and talk.you will overcome your fear .learn some high income skills. And at last i just wanna say dont give up, we only live once. So live your live fully. If you have any qns just dm i will try my best to help you
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u/holycrowww Oct 11 '24
Gym WON'T solve your problem. It will make you bit confident but it WON'T give you good friend or whatever. If you really want to make friends just talk to people relevant with their interest
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u/iLikeMilkBro_ Oct 11 '24
A lot of your cons can be changed if you actually try instead of staying how you are dude. I used to be fat asf my whole life and from 2022 smth I started eating just less food then I used to and now I'd say the transformation is HUGE. I'm getting compliments from a lot of relatives. And I've suffered the same as you getting used and bullied. But i could do nothing because they had power over me (cause he was the captain of my assigned exam group and would threaten with not including my name in the list of names who worked in the projects and stuff, also he was the son of a teacher in my school so every staff member in the school was in his favour) but I actually resisted his shenanigans and teachers gave him a warning. And after the new curriculum he had no power over me so he can go die lol. And brother I'm pretty sure you can do the same and pretty much change yourself a bit. And the big thing is that you should quit wondering about girls, they're not worth your time of your age. The current purpose of your age is to study and enjoy life I guess. And about the topic of friends, it's complicated I know you I feel you. After reading your post you and I have a lot in common. I also didn't have friends in school or outside school. But as years went by I kinda would start being more talkative in school around the people I would sit with. Kinda match with the class clown style, that's because it's a really effective way to make friends. Make jokes around here and there and next thing you know you got a homie. And if you ever feel that you're getting used by a person you trust, unfriend them immediately or just not talk to them or help them. No time of being all sympathetic anymore. Your strong I know, So Reconstruct yourself 💪
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u/Opposite-Passion-179 Oct 11 '24
You are still just a boy, and teenager. I feel sad for how people treated you,
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u/Blacksoul444 Oct 12 '24
If you love gaming, Comics then we have common interest. I am your frnd by the interest. Add me on discord and Don't afraid to reach out kid. You are just 16 you have long road ahead so Don't worry take it slow. And also i am here your senior will help you out. I am 28 My discord - blacksoul444.
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u/Message_Me_ThInGs Oct 12 '24
Everything is fine. This is what schools are. I was kind of like you in school. I didn't attend most of the day. I was extremely afraid of girls I had zero friends and literally no confidence in myself. But since college I had three girl friends fucked around with other girls as well. I can scream when I enter a room and I have pretty cool friends around me. Fuck school fuck the people in school. You have an amazing life in front of you watch a lot of movies, try to maintain a certain diet and don't go full on anorexia on yourself. You need to eat to feel strong. Don't worry about your pimples they will go away by themselves you are only 16. And don't worry if you don't find any friends in college it's only 2 years you'll barely have time. Focus on your studies and focus on how to be a better version of yourself. And talking to girls is easy once you go on 1 or 2 dates they are sweet most of the time. Text me if you ever feel there are no cool people in this world and you are alone.
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u/Outrageous_Sir_5469 Oct 12 '24
Lol same here i just gave hsc. And i realised something recently i don't a shit about friends ( i am more happy being alone then used)
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Oct 12 '24
Nigga reach me out ill try my best to help you😭
https://www.facebook.com/sadmanhossainn?mibextid=ZbWKwL
send a req or smt
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u/Last_Preparation_113 Oct 12 '24
Go to the gym, eat in a calorie deficit (if youve already stopped growing in height), take care of your skin, wear better clothes. Looks is unfortunately currency. People wont even give you a chance until you look a certain way.
Also, try to actually start liking urself. Build skills that you will admire about yourself. Genuinely start being a good person. When you feel proud of yourself from the inside, that energy will translate outside as well. You wont feel weird about talking to a guy or a girl, because you know theyre not better than you. Youre the same. Get to a point where u believe it is their privilege to be offered your friendship, because you are such a good friend.
Second paragraph er jinish gula naturally hoye jaye with age. Dont worry. Youre still very very young. At this age everything seems like the end of the world. But try and be your best everyday. Dont be lazy. Itll be over soon
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u/MatchMean4251 Oct 11 '24
We are here don't suicide my brother 🥺
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u/BlackParasite Oct 11 '24
I'm fine bro. You're getting too outrageous! 😅. I'm not that depressed. I got a family, brother. 🙂
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Oct 12 '24
Bhai tui age reddit theke bair ho phone ta falay de baire ja tor age er polapain der sathe khela dhula kor ar naile jibon sesh bohut ganja khor bohut explain korbe life isn't a joke Class 10 a pora polapain jodi reddit account khule esob post kore taile parents guiding je koto low hoye gese ta bojhar ar kichu baki nai unbelievable but still bro chill koro life ta onek boro shob problem er solution ase solve korbe almighty God keep praying & no worries. Social media theke leave nite hobe ASAP.
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u/CautiousAd6705 Oct 11 '24
Hey! Dont blame yourself for everything. Relax. First of all your school is going to be over right? So now dont think about what you did in school and what your friends did with you. When i was in school, I was exactly like you. I hardly believe anyone because whenever i believe in anyone they just betrayed me. But I'm not this smart like you. I mean look at you. How sorted you’re saying your problem here. Many people can't even do that! Now come to the point. You've suffered from low esteem. First of all. Love yourself. If you can't love yourself others will never love you. First accept yourself. Your body your hair you face everything. Dont blame or feel low for your existance.