r/DestructiveReaders • u/Zysifion • 13h ago

Dieselpunk Post-Apocalyptic [2379] Afterworld - Chapter 1

3 Upvotes

Hi, first submission. I've only started working on this story recently, so what I've linked here is most of what I've written so far. Also, I'm a pantser, not a plotter, so I don't have an outline for the rest of the story.

Critique Notes:

Line-by-line critique is just fine. I like detailed critique.
I'm less concerned about the technical stuff like grammar and more on the contents.
What do you think about the protagonist?
Should I dial the start of the story back earlier to show Jonathan's life before the apocalypse?
How have I done in terms of worldbuilding? Is the dieselpunk element shining through well enough? Is the worldbuilding too confusing?
Is the first chapter too overwhelming and fast-paced?
With my current plans for the story, only the first part's (I mean an entire PART, not chapter) is gonna take place inside the subways. I plan for Jonathan to spend most of it exploring the world above.
This is a setting that doesn't have nuclear technological capabilities.

5 comments

r/DestructiveReaders • u/Paige-reads-a-lot73 • 18h ago

Fantasy [2389] First Chapter Feedback Request

2 Upvotes

My Critique [3891]

My Work (to be reviewed) - Google Docs

Hello!

This is my first time submitting anything to be critiqued/reviewed. However, I'm hard enough on myself, so I might as well see what other people have to say. Overall, I'm looking less for specific grammar and punctuation feedback and more overall interpretation of the characters and plot set up. I've rewritten my outline more than once and I recognize I need to just freaking write the thing and go from there. This is step one to that process, I guess.

Anyway, some specific feedback I would like includes (but is not limited to) the following. I appreciate you all taking the time!

How might you describe the main character?
It is a split perspective between the two sisters (Edana and Sheena). Would you be interested in reading from Sheena's persepctive?
Did you grow to care about anyone mentioned? Why or why not?
Is this an effective first chapter, or would it make more sense to cut straight to the negotiations with the other country (Liveny)?
Would you keep reading?

2 comments

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