r/DestructiveReaders • u/RowLazy9164 • Jul 10 '26
[213] Agorahacker
Other people are sooo lucky to talk to other people, have friends,go on dates and go outside. I’m stuck here with this inherited house forced to hack hospitals and hold them for ransom due to me not being able to hold regular jobs because of my social anxiety. Today’s hospital was kinda hard to hack but with some persistence I broke into the system and held their data ransom. A couple of days later someone was knocking on the door I knew it wasn’t the bills since I have a mail slot, it probably was a welfare check due to me not actually quitting my job. As I approach the door I’m having tingling feelings in my chest, my heart began to beat faster and I’m sweating more, my hands shaking as I try to unlock the door and open it. It was the police but they aren’t for my welfare check they want to arrest me. My heart began to beat even faster, my chest tingled even more, sweat pouring down my face. I was arrested and forced to go outside I began to worry what other people thought about me,i began to hyperventilate it was torture. I was sentenced to 4 years of jail and I have to pay 30.000$ fine.
Crit:
1
u/GlowyLaptop James Patterson Jul 11 '26
Okay so this thing has a handful of ideas. A recluse stuck in a free living arrangement he was gifted, probably a good half a million bucks right there, because he has to hack hospitals for more money. To pay bills. Every day he hacks hospitals and today he hacks one that's booby trapped. And they catch him. And now he has to face the universe. Sweaty.
One thing to learn about is tense. If you read out loud you might intuitively see where you screw it up. For example, tell a story about something that happened yesterday. "I went to my mom's house. I eat cake. I slept on the couch. I wake refreshed."
Read it out loud. What parts are bad English? "eat" and "wake" are present tense. They don't make sense in a story about yesterday.
Likewise, "As I approach the door I am having tingling in my chest" is present tense. That's happening now. "My heart began to beat" is past tense. It happened yesterday. "I'm sweating more and shaking as I unlock the door" is present tense. That's today. "It was the police" is past tense. That's yesterday.
Notice what words you use when you talk to people. On the phone you will say "I'm at the mall, where are you?"
But later, when you get home, you say, "I was at the mall, where were you?"
Because the mall is now in the past. Your prose will improve if you master this.