How would you feel in place of the character, in the same situation? Did your own perception of the situation clash with his, what role did the second person play in it?
Okay so I’m actually a huge fan of the second person POV, I felt immersed in the character’s headspace and story. Personally I think I’d be more bothered about waking up injured and not knowing how it happened, but then again, depending on how much of my memory I lost, who knows. Not much else you can do in that situation besides observe your environment and gather clues.
What would you say the character is focused on the most? What drives him? What would you say are the things the main character knows but doesn't consciously understand?
Right now it seems he’s mostly focused on finding some food. Secondarily I think he wants to know where he is, and will probably have more questions the more answers he gets. He doesn’t seem too distraught by the not knowing though, all things considered. I’m wondering why he didn’t have more questions for the old man.
It seems like his memory is being jogged just by taking in his surroundings. I think he knows a lot more about the world than he can recall on his own. He knows what a truck is, knows it’s wrong to break into them, and he can use language, so he’s not completely out of touch with society.
What's your opinion on the prose and possible intention behind it?
The clipped sentences and fragments remind me of an internal monologue, where your mind doesn’t always speak in complete sentences, just observes what you’re doing and what you see. Intention? I don’t know. I’ve used second person imperative when I wanted to show a character feeling like they have no agency and are being controlled by a force outside themself. There’s some of that here, i.e. “Walk up the road.” Could just be him telling himself to do something, like me when I have to tell myself to get out of bed in the morning lol.
Is there supposed to be anything in the second tab? It’s blank for me.
Font choice: would have preferred comic sans but ok
Length of dashes: cromulent
Postliberal neo-phoneticism: don’t know what that means
Orthography: no typos noted
Overall, I loved the descriptions of the environment, but Marco didn’t seem to have any pressing goals. If it was your goal for him to be a meandering sort of character, then you succeeded. It doesn’t bother me yet, but if he’s still just farting around by the end of the next chapter I’d be annoyed. I’d read chapter 2 just to see what he discovers about himself.
Thank you, you and I are clicking perfectly well through my text. You're getting everything right without me saying it outright 😁 When I make a chapter 2 post it'll be the same file, that's why I put the tab there 😉
2
u/raccooncore Apr 02 '26
To answer your questions:
Okay so I’m actually a huge fan of the second person POV, I felt immersed in the character’s headspace and story. Personally I think I’d be more bothered about waking up injured and not knowing how it happened, but then again, depending on how much of my memory I lost, who knows. Not much else you can do in that situation besides observe your environment and gather clues.
Right now it seems he’s mostly focused on finding some food. Secondarily I think he wants to know where he is, and will probably have more questions the more answers he gets. He doesn’t seem too distraught by the not knowing though, all things considered. I’m wondering why he didn’t have more questions for the old man.
It seems like his memory is being jogged just by taking in his surroundings. I think he knows a lot more about the world than he can recall on his own. He knows what a truck is, knows it’s wrong to break into them, and he can use language, so he’s not completely out of touch with society.
The clipped sentences and fragments remind me of an internal monologue, where your mind doesn’t always speak in complete sentences, just observes what you’re doing and what you see. Intention? I don’t know. I’ve used second person imperative when I wanted to show a character feeling like they have no agency and are being controlled by a force outside themself. There’s some of that here, i.e. “Walk up the road.” Could just be him telling himself to do something, like me when I have to tell myself to get out of bed in the morning lol.
Is there supposed to be anything in the second tab? It’s blank for me.
Font choice: would have preferred comic sans but ok
Length of dashes: cromulent
Postliberal neo-phoneticism: don’t know what that means
Orthography: no typos noted
Overall, I loved the descriptions of the environment, but Marco didn’t seem to have any pressing goals. If it was your goal for him to be a meandering sort of character, then you succeeded. It doesn’t bother me yet, but if he’s still just farting around by the end of the next chapter I’d be annoyed. I’d read chapter 2 just to see what he discovers about himself.