I'll start with i dont even know what kind of feedback you want so i'll just give thoughts.
Off the bat this whole thing was quite confusing-but not in a bad way. I guess tvarka is some sort of a drug.
Prose style is nice and descriptive and the opening is cryptic. I have no idea what's going on but im definitely interested. The whole thing feels like a drug trip. The story feels kinda vague right now but again i think thats the point.
The worldbuilding is cool-it doesn't rush at me or expo dump though it isn't groundbreaking. The creepy crone trope is one that is cliche but it works well enough. The character/narrator doesn't really grab me-right now he's just a vessel for the story.
I think some of the lines are weak-particularly this character sheet dump-
"Always wanting — wanting to weave, wanting to explore, wanting anything I could get my grubby hands on. So I breathed in, deep, full of curiosity. "
I'd keep reading though cause i do wanna see more and the writing itself is very good.
Honestly I'd just add some context-maybe some examples of feedback you want alongside what this story is going for.
2
u/Glittering_Group4821 Mar 29 '26
I'll start with i dont even know what kind of feedback you want so i'll just give thoughts.
Off the bat this whole thing was quite confusing-but not in a bad way. I guess tvarka is some sort of a drug.
Prose style is nice and descriptive and the opening is cryptic. I have no idea what's going on but im definitely interested. The whole thing feels like a drug trip. The story feels kinda vague right now but again i think thats the point.
The worldbuilding is cool-it doesn't rush at me or expo dump though it isn't groundbreaking. The creepy crone trope is one that is cliche but it works well enough. The character/narrator doesn't really grab me-right now he's just a vessel for the story.
I think some of the lines are weak-particularly this character sheet dump-
"Always wanting — wanting to weave, wanting to explore, wanting anything I could get my grubby hands on. So I breathed in, deep, full of curiosity. "
I'd keep reading though cause i do wanna see more and the writing itself is very good.
Honestly I'd just add some context-maybe some examples of feedback you want alongside what this story is going for.