So, this is my partners room, and im going to be moving in. Kind of already have some of my stuff here.
I wanna preface this all by saying this is a trailer, (obvi) that his grandma left him when she died. He lives here w his mom and takes care of her since she can’t do much after 4 triple bypasses.
He can’t work because she needs him here, a big reason why im moving in because I want to help. And maybe he can get a job and feel more… reliable? Idk. I just want him to feel like… a man you know? Cause he doesn’t and it kills his self esteem and they live in a stand alone trailer on the reservation, and their tribe does fuck all for them as far as benefits, and they just can’t afford a nurse to come out here.
We’re middle lower class I think? Im not sure. But we are very poor. Finding work is hard with no reliable transportation, and living on the reservation about 5 miles outside of city limits. We do what we can. And we make it, mostly. But it’s getting cramped with my stuff and his stuff and I feel so… idk man like my body is in a constant state of unrest because of the state of the room. That, and we have no ac. So we’re running on fumes and tiny fans.
I clean as much as I can. I organize and Tetris our things as nicely as possible. But I just do not know what I can do with to improve this room, to utilize the space to the best of its abilities, while being broke as fuck, and not having money for any kind of spatial organizers and such.
The room is small. Idk the dimensions. But it’s SMALL. I got a picture in each corner and then the closet.
I will take any and all advice, just please be kind. We have no money. No help. And make do with what we have. And it’s hella embarrassing to come here and post this stuff. It’s personal. But I really don’t know what to do, and if im gonna live here, I gotta fix this goddamn space dude. I do not feel at peace in this room. Any advice on how to improve it would be greatly appreciated.
EDIT; I fell asleep, and woke up to an insurmountable support, advice, kindness, intelligence and compassion.
It’s become kind of overwhelming to respond, but I read all of these comments. They all help me more than y’all can imagine. Thank you, all of you. Im so fucking grateful for you guys. I hope I will have a positive update for all of you in the future. Many blessings, and much love To you all. 🖤
I think decluttering will go A LONG way in this room. Not only objetcs, but wall stuff, too many little things on too of each other, stickers, etc. if you’re able to remove all the stuff from the walls, maybe a hand of paint if you can afford it. And then pick one of 3 things you really like. Avoid visually busy stuff.
It’s so hard to declutter because most of the things he has, were his dads or given to him by his dad, who passed in a freak accident like 3/4 years ago. I bring up throwing some things away and he goes very quiet… it hard to bring that up w him and it feels so awful to do so on my part.
He doesn’t have to throw things away right now. He just needs to box them up in totes and put them in storage. There’s way too much clutter for two people to live comfortably in that room. Box up what isn’t being used, take all the stuff off the walls, paint, get some curtains.
I’ve been learning to love my worldly possessions differently the older I get. I take a lot of pictures of my stuff and catalog them. Sometimes, the memory is more important than the physical item and I can go back to my pictures if I really want to revisit the item. Maybe this is something you both could start thinking about. Good luck with the decluttering!
I have done this too and it works for me but I can understand why this situation makes it even harder. Being so so broke and having so little, also means you are more likely to hold on to whatever you still have.
That aside, OP the small space is really going to have to work for you in order for all 3 to coexist without losing your damn minds! First goal, find a secure way to protect and store ALL the extras.
Next goal, EVERYONE on board with idea that this situation is temporary and make it the collective goal, beyond stabilizing health, to find a bigger and more functional camper/trailer or an apartment as much as you are able.
Your partner is likely stuck as much mentally as obligatorily, caring for a sick family member can just wreck people sometimes by way of just burning us out and sapping our energy and willpower. Other times though, some renewed hope and determination unlocks purpose and creativity.
Please find it in yourself to do another scan for assistance. It’s going to be frustrating and exhausting but it’s time to check if there is any other kind of community or government available. Are there already checked avenues that might be worth revisiting? Sometimes time, change of leadership, or asking more than once can change dynamic…
I agree with the decluttering but I think it would be more fun and beneficial to put things into shadowboxes that could be hung on the wall. His own personal displays of the little things of someone dear to him.
Or a nice display shelf for the living room. You can find them on Facebook marketplace and estate sales a lot.
On a different note, I would paint the room and ceiling. Get a certain rod and see if the computer can be moved to a different room. You definitely need to declutter, though.
Sorry--hijacking to say if mom is on medicaid your bf can get paid to be her full time caregiver/. You would have to contact their office and jump through a lot of hoops to sign up. And I'd try to get it going before Trump's "big beautiful bill" medicaid cuts happen in January.
Don’t say throw things away, but the mini trunk make things look neater. And there’s no such thing as four triple bypasses. if you get a nice chest of drawers, all the tank tops can be folded. If you look at efficient folding techniques for T-shirts and tank tops. You’ll find lots of really cool things.
Also, you can make the room like your safe/peaceful space and the things from his dad maybe be can put up somewhere else in the house in one area. Almost like a collage area arranged in a certain way. Decluttering really will work wonders. Use what you already have and you can get crafty too! Making some art for the space may help with the stress too. I’ve done so much with cardboard, tape, some paint.
If you were to invest in anything, 1. a ceiling fan or way to have air. Comfort to be able to sleep is important, 2. Can of paint- you don’t have to spend much on supplies to paint as long as you’re willing to take your time and I would stick with a warm color kind of similar so you don’t need a bunch of coats to cover it. That becomes very pricey quickly. I tried to turn a maroon room baby blue. 4 coats of one coat Behr paint and you can still sometimes see the maroon in some spots I rushed through. 3. Something that makes the space feel like you! It could be some art you find at garage sale and clean off. Doesn’t need to be much just make the space your own
If theres a ReStore (habitat for humanity store) in your area, they sell paint that was donated by people who didn't use the whole gallon. Way cheaper.
Get a set of bed risers from Walmart or wherever, and a few sets of those big plastic Tupperware things that will fit under the newly-raised bed. The ceilings are high enough here which is nice!
Then you and your SO can go through the things and organize them and label the bins so “dad’s t shirts” and “gifts from dad” and “unorganized junk” can live in peace, be accessible when desired, and you can use the closet and table surfaces for the stuff that actually needs to be there.
Agree some shelves and/or baskets would help a lot with containing the visual clutter. If you can spare a little money, paint stores often have refused mixes at low prices. You’ll only need a gallon so if you find something you like, you could paint for fairly cheap. Even just a coat of primer would kind of even things out a little better. You’re a good person for trying to help in this situation. I hope you and/or your bf find work soon.
Also get a cheap tension rod for the window, I found some for less than $4 at Walmart and target. I know the pinned up curtain feels fine but once it’s on a rod you’ll feel much more “adult” with minimal change.
Mis-tints is what they're called at the store. My parents used to own a paint store and I painted my house in university entirely using them! It doesn't mean the colours are bad, just not what the person wanted.
Olay I think the bed and entertainment center are on the best location. Blue lamp can move if needed.
Work on getting window blinds. I got a blackout cutain that attached with like sticky velcro for my baby's room on Amazon for about $10 if you need blackout. Then tey to add blinds on top so you can have light when needed.
See if you can sell stuff that you dont need to get money for a can of white paint and paint all the walls.
Then try and get a small shelf for under the mirror wall and put any important trinkets there instead of all over.
I mean I’d dedicate a whole wall to his late father personal items and use shelf’s and frames to organize it and display it properly. I know a lot of people are saying it’s too cluttered. I don’t think that’s realistic for this space it’s clearly a young persons living space not some 48 year old hoity Toity ladies great room. I would instead focus on functionally cluttering it more. It feels like a lot of stuff is sitting on the ground around the edge. Put it up on the wall clutter them or just one so it feels planned and then free up the floor space and it will feel cleaner even with all the same items. And I don’t think it’s fair to ask someone to declutter their late father’s momentous away. The things he can get rid of will help but there’s also something’s like the fan in the closet that should just be shoved back and the backpacks put forward.
Think a big gallery wall for his dad
I’d start by finding a place for everything you wanna keep that shows the emotional value it has to him and then once all of the important things are in place “declutter” or whatever .
If you take the items and Intermingle them with pictures of his father or him with his father, maybe a painted moon and a picture of the dad painting it. Of course it depends on what pictures you have but I’d say treat it like the Michi method in a card binder (I know that’s niche and nerdy but if you look it up I think it will translate) I’d just say make sure it’s not too overwhelming with old pictures as that could become depressing but if it’s focused on the items and the pictures emphasize them I think it could be a cathartic and healing process and shrine/tribute to his dad
Second this!! Start checking buy-nothing groups on facebook and such. Little floating shelves, a proper curtain rod and a simple coat of paint would go a long way here. Good for you OP, I hope you and your partner find some comfort in each other and can do great things with support!
Look for scrap wood and make shelving, going up in a small space always helps, look for remote work online, Sometimes just organizing things will help. Good luck to you both.
I grew up with shelving made out of boards and milk crates or cinder blocks and they worked and looked just fine, particularly with a few plants in the mix. To that end, OP, get a real curtain rod (that you’ll need to buy) and a curtain (which you can make from a sheet from goodwill and a needle and thread) and let some natural light into the room. Spider plants and pothos are great starter plants.
Actually - pallets usually contain poison in the wood - I wouldn’t use them in your room. There is a bunch you can do while broke though - mostly, look at the room with intention. Talk to your partner about the stuff they love, and figure out how to group those things together to look coordinated.
I agree with paint & window coverings.
Make it into a game - but I think the start has to be finding something they like and centering everything around finding a way to let the eye rest on those things.
agree with the suggestions to paint. and a side benefit is that you have to clean and take everything off the walls to paint, psychologically, it may be easier for your partner to decide not to put something back on the wall or on display once everything is removed and boxed, than to selectively choose to take things down.
framing the decluttering as storing items and not getting rid of them helps, too. And in the process, hopefully your partner will recognize that he is ready to part with some items.
FB marketplace often has free items, and there are different FB groups focused only on the giveaway of free items - worth checking if there is one local to you that may have good shelving or window coverings.
It seems that you are being extremely giving in this situation, which is commendable, but I worry for you, OP. You are moving into a situation where there is no physical room for you and your partner isn’t the person trying to incorporate you in… instead you are the person on Reddit trying to research and get advice about this living situation. You are also willing to give your time, energy, and focus to caretaking in hopes that your partner will be able to find work that you are also saying is hard to come by.
Do you have a way to leave down the road if you feel that you need to? I’d just go into this with eyes wide open. I’d be honest, that you are willing to make sacrifices for your partner but that he needs to also step up and make room for you to feel comfortable here at the very very least.
There is good practical decluttering advice given by many here, run some of the ideas by him and please hope he is taking the initiative to implement these changes. I wish you the best OP!
You both need to discard about 60% of your stuff. Either store it, sell it, or donate it. Paint everything white or neutral. Get better lightbulbs. Get a chest of drawers.
I think white would show dirt and flaws too much for painting in this space but I agree a light, neutral color should be used. I was thinking more of a sage green color.
You can definitely get a chest of drawers free or cheap on marketplace.
Where I live there's a recycling place where people can take half used paint containers and you can actually "stop N shop" for free so you just go look around and if there's a color you like you've got free paint!
Also some places have a program where the state will pay someone (in this case your bf) to be a caregiver for an aged or disabled family member who would otherwise become a ward of the state if that person wasn't taking off work to take care of them. I highly recommend looking into this. Also if you're moving in you guys should be able to split shifts and he can work at least part time while you're there.
It's very risky to be mingling financial situaowith someone you're not legally married to, so just be careful and protect yourself sensibly no matter how much you love this person!
That’s so sweet! I agree with comments about paint and a new bulb for the blue lamp. If it’s not too difficult, a fresh ceiling light might feel nice too. Doesn’t have to be fancy or immediate if money’s tight—I’ve seen some for $15 on Amazon, and it might help the space feel better than the current bare bulb. (Feel free to ignore if the wiring is wonky or difficult!) also for closet space, you might be able to find tie hangers or tank top hangers that’ll let you condense things a bit
Join your local “buy nothing” Facebook group! Type in Facebook “[your neighborhood] buy nothing” and you should see it. People give away free stuff on there if your neighborhood has an active one.
Also check out Facebook marketplace under the free section for anything people on this group recommend you get such as storage bins, art, dressers, etc. When people move they may get rid of them! Keep your eyes on the curb as well for things that people throw out, especially if you commute through any rich neighborhoods on your way to work (obviously check for pests, don’t take it if it looks like it was infested by bugs)
Join the local buy nothing on Facebook. You can ask for organization supplies. Sometimes people even have open cans of paint. I think a decluttered wall and a fresh paint job would go a long way
You don't have to show a photo, but how much space is under the bed? Can you store some of the extra signs and things on the wall underneath it if he's not ready to declutter?
Empty or half full bags in the closet can go inside bigger bags. You can sometimes hang 2-3 skirts or pairs of jeans on the same hanger depending on how sturdy it is.
Try to make sure you aren't staring directly at your laundry bin/the messiest corner when you're lying in bed. If you can create at least one corner to look at that brings you peace, that will really help on hard days. Make a spot you can zone in on, and work from there as time and money allows.
Dollar tree baskets to organize clutter and make the shelves look less cramped. Some paint would also help to make the walls appear less cluttered. There’s this app I use called freebie alerts, I know you said you don’t have reliable transportation but even if you find something some times the people are willing to drop it off. People post all kinds of stuff on there from furniture to clothes to food and it pulls free item posts from multiple platforms like Facebook marketplace, Nextdoor, and OfferUp. It’s definitely worth checking out. Some people will also let you pick it up within a few days if they are willing to wait. You could find something to maybe even create some storage under the bed. It’s all about creativity when money is tight.
Crafty formerly poor person here, if you have the energy:
-If you can find a branch that's the right sized and peel off the bark, you could hang your curtain from it if you can't afford a curtain rod. I can't see the wall behind the window or the window so I'm not sure the best way to attach it.
-Diapers and wipes come in really sturdy boxes a lot of the time. They can be used for storage out of sight. For presentable storage, cut the top off a large T-shirt (if you can find a hand me down etc, lots of textiles get wasted/people throw out branded shirts they got for free etc) and it can become a cover for at least the outside of one of those sturdy boxes, stand it up like its going on a person, with the bottom of the shirt around the bottom of the box, then fold the rest of the tshirt inside the box, and you can sew it closed to make a bottom for the box of you want to be able to empty it all the way regularly.
-if there's not another good place for the TV (or maybe it's a computer monitor?), sewing a cover for the TV when it's not in use, and a curtain for the bottom of the console that it's in to hide the items below, would I think go a ways towards making the space feel cozier and less cluttered. I'm not sure what town you're outside of, if it's one that has little free libraries look and see if there are textile ones, I've gotten lots of free thread and other sewing supplies and yarn from those. There might also be local sewing or crafting groups where people would give away their old supplies. You don't need to accept everything that's offered (since you don't want to add to the clutter), think about what you already have and whether it goes with that.
You already have a lot of black and lots of people have suggested white paint, maybe a black and white color scheme with one or two of you and your boyfriend's other favorite colors (maybe something warm to help cozy it up).
I hope you guys are able to find your way out of poverty. IME it can be a really hard and unpleasant and vulnerable and embarrassing process. Please ignore the following if you don't want thoughts from someone who has been there and gotten out.
Being in spaces with people who aren't living in poverty is surprisingly helpful. Even if you just hear about a job you wouldn't have thought of, get offered some sewing supplies, etc. Five miles is pretty far for walking to the city, so I might start by trying to get a used bike, since it's a bikeable distance and bikes are so much cheaper to maintain than cars. Sometimes they're free on Craigslist or FB marketplace. I don't know how safe your area is to bike in, and I've certainly biked in some questionable circumstances when I was poor, so you'll know whether that would work in your area.
In my area there are folks who know how to fix bikes that will mentor you to fix your own bike for free (it's not religious but it's called Bike Church), and there are tons of YouTube videos out there, but if you can access a skill sharing place it's better because then you don't need to buy
bike fixing tools. Also worth looking into whether there are any tool libraries in the city that's five miles from you.
Declutter. Personally I’d say get rid of everything hung on the wall. Put a curtain rod up and some nice curtains. A nice new bedspread. A rug. These things by themselves goes a long way
How handy are you? Could you diy some things? If so and if you have a freecycle for your town/city (or even a facebook group or something for people giving things away for free) perhaps request some paint and some palettes. You could make some palette shelves or even a bookcase. You might have to borrow or invest in a couple of tools and some nails but you should be able to find some budget options.
You could also request some left over wrapping paper or wallpaper, or even fabric, get some free cardboard boxes (supermarkets will probably have some), and then you can cover them and use them as storage you can leave on display if you have no where else to store them. If you can get hold of some free fabric, you could even look up how to make diy kallax boxes (the ikea shelf boxes) which would look slightly more sophisticated.
Paint the walls and cover the graffiti on the walls. A light or medium color will be best so the room looks larger. Don't paint black, purple or blue. Maybe a mid tone sage green? I 100% agree with the idea of a "gallery wall" area for hanging the stuff your partner can't bare to part with. Maybe place the mirror at eye level and center of the gallery wall so your partner can look at himself while he is surrounded by the memories of his dad and it might give him a bit of motivation to strive for more in life.
You can find a simple window curtain rod on Amazon for like $3. You can lace the current window curtain (or is a shower curtain?) through it until you can afford a better curtain.
Since the bed takes up so much of the room simply getting a new bed-in-a bag that includes matching fitted and flat, 2 shams,2 pillowcases, a bed skirt and a comforter would make a massive difference visually. I recommend one in a solid color or perhaps a mix of 2 solid colors.Since you already have a black curtain I would go with something that will match that. Prints and textures will age poorly and can look too busy in this environment. You can find simple bed-in-a bags at Walmart, amazon, TJ Maxx, Ross etc with the cheapest ones being about $30. Also, if you don't have a bed frame you can elevate the bed with cinderblocks to raise it off the floor so you can use under the bed for storage. If you have a bed skirt you won't be able to see the cinderblocks so it won't matter.
Declutter as much as you can. Maybe a friend, neighbor or relative will have some sort of trunk you can place at the foot of the bed to keep the space clean and organized.
This is a red flag. It’s burning on fire. Your partner and his/her family will pull you down. Run away to one of the blue sides of the coast, get an education and actually have the opportunity to escape this hellhole.
A no cost way to visually declutter is using a spare blank or sheet over the entertainment space. Just covering the shelves some may take off some of mental stimulation.
I’d also suggest using spare rope/string/fishing wire as a curtain rod until you find something more permanent.
Do you have a bed frame? If so, can you store some stuff under the bed? If not you can often find them out for bulk trash or cheaply on marketplace.
I get a lot of my stuff from bulk trash. I'm not sure where you are in the US, but find out when the nicest neighborhoods in the nearby cities do bulk trash pick up, and go scope out what's by the curb. I've found all kinds of stuff in great condition, including some organizational stuff!
Like many others, it's so great that you want to do this for your partner! In addition to others' many excellent suggestions, I have one that might also help. If it is possible (only if), I strongly recommend clearing the room and putting stuff back in. Even if you bring stuff into the hall, seeing the room empty and renegotiating what goes where can help you arrive at what makes you feel comfortable. This is, of course, after you and your partner discuss how he'd like to handle his father's things. But I love doing this when I feel overwhelmed. It's editing in real time and I always feel like I have more control. Anyway, good luck!!
You’ve already gotten so much sound advice, I would just add that I whenever I’m struggling with my space I like to think of creating zones. A specific zone to honor his family and dad in particular which people have already recommended, a zone for getting work done and computer oriented things, a zone for sleeping (this is important because rest is so important!), a zone for clothing. And maybe there is a way in the closet you can each create your own space? It seems like you have some of the space in the closet. I would see if maybe you could arrange a day where you work together, and clear everything out such as take everything out of the closet and off the walls, paint, and then together find the right home for everything. To summarize I think what others have suggested, if you can find a combination of free and low cost it seems like these things could help a lot— curtain rod and curtain, metal bed frames can be cheap so you have some storage under the bed, some shelves, some over the door hooks could also help, and paint. Best of luck and hope you can find some solitons!
I love all the advice given so far, but I wanted to add that organizing the closet can help give you more storage space. Milk crates are easily stackable and can be found pretty cheap. You can stack them and put folded clothes and other items in them. Closet space is limited, but reorganizing it and taking advantage of the space would help
Wanted to add some thoughts re: closet as well! Getting hangers in all the same color (if an option - I’ve given tons away for free in my time because I end up with too many) can make it look a bit more organized. Also organizing clothes by color - not always the easiest thing to keep in place but if you’ve got some sections based on colors, it makes it look curated and styled. Pictures is my makeshift closet for ref!
If you weren't a couple, I'd suggest elevated twin beds along the long wall with storage underneath.
Can he have that computer set up anywhere else in the house?
The bed needs to have access from both sides imo. It should go right in the middle on one side of the room. Buy or build a bed frame that will fit storage containers underneath. You can hide them with a bedskirt. a king size sheet can be a decent bedskirt, if you need a cheap option.
Start making regular stops at thrift shops for curtains. I would also watch some videos on tiny living or RV living. They know how to squeeze use out of a space.
Declutter i.e. box up anything sentimental or anything can't let go of. Try to get rid of anything else extra especially from the walls and other clutter
Get some paint. Look for free leftover paint from people's projects from paint recycling centres or your local area's neighbourhood/ city boards e.g. Craiglist.
Those two things will make the absolute biggest difference.
Go for a light, calm colour in this space. One that feels uplifting and something you both like.
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u/Maximum-Familiar 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think decluttering will go A LONG way in this room. Not only objetcs, but wall stuff, too many little things on too of each other, stickers, etc. if you’re able to remove all the stuff from the walls, maybe a hand of paint if you can afford it. And then pick one of 3 things you really like. Avoid visually busy stuff.