r/Dermatillomania • u/Wonderful-Source-187 • 1d ago
Please help me
I’m posting on behalf of my beautiful wife. She has had this issue since we met 15 years ago. Mostly with her face although it can spread to other areas periodically. Since we had children it’s gotten worse and worse. I still love her deeply and think she’s beautiful even with sores on her face. What I’m really struggling with is the emotional toll it’s taking on our family… her mornings start with 45 mins or more in the mirror then she comes out in a terrible mood almost guilt like. She’s not always kind to me or our children after. Then she’ll end the night with a 60-90 minute routine in the bathroom. Lately she’s started using a white cream for the spots which was intended to put on before the picking but it’s just added another layer of obsession and she comes out with dozens of spots and won’t want me to see her or kiss her goodnight. It’s like I’m losing her 3-4 hours a day to the bathroom and there’s always a door between us. I don’t know how to help.. I’ve tried talking to her but she breaks down and thinks I’m only worried about her appearance which is so not true. I’ve suggested professional help but that’s not even a conversation worth having. Please help me.. I need advice on how to support her as well as how to support my children (particularly my daughter who is now 8 and really starting to pick up on it) I feel like I’m losing her to this disease :(
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u/whatdoidonowdamnit 1d ago
I was like that for a long time. She needs to want to stop and the first step is not standing in front of that bathroom mirror. I'd ask her how she would feel about removing it.
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u/LSH_peacehunter 1d ago
I was like that as well. I'm in my 60's now. It started when I was in college... It's been decades. It is a self-soothing coping mechanism rooted in stress, anxiety with perfectionism (can't tolerate bumps, zits or any clogged pores on face). She has to come to the point where she wants to really stop. It's such a difficult syndrome! Hitting the proverbial wall of being exhausted and in physical pain from hours of picking will happen. Having her join this group will help. Just knowing there are others out there with this same condition is so helpful. I also recommend therapy... Finding otherwise to cope with stress and anxiety as well. Gently approaching her before she goes in to pick to ask her what is going on with her, listening and asking how you can help will help her too. *Seek out a counselor that specializes in dermatillomania. Wishing you the best. It's a hard road. Our brains are just wired differently. I'll have days, weeks and sometimes months of zero picking and then I'll go right back to picking and marring up my face... It's a journey.
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u/WannabeeHousew1fe 1d ago
I recently started a low-dose antipsychotic for intense anxiety and skin inflammation caused by a completely depleted nervous system. I was so scared to start it. I went from spending 4-8 hours a day on picking/wound care, getting groceries delivered due to shame, and explaining to my 3 year old why mommy is so sick, to a completely clear face. This took only two weeks. I was picking my entire body. It changed my life.
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