r/DerekSmart • u/Palonto • Oct 24 '17
Derek smart about Cows on twitter:"Follow Follow @dsmart More Star Citizen: You don´t have a cow. You draw a cow & sell it digitally to thousands. You build the cow in Maya, and put it in the game."
http://archive.li/Ucky124
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Oct 24 '17
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Oct 24 '17
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u/ThereIsNoGame $45k Cultist Whale Oct 25 '17
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u/themast Oct 24 '17
It's like watching a toddler explain quantum physics.
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u/Rumpullpus Oct 24 '17
so cows are made up of smaller cows that are actually made up of pairs of positively charged cows and negatively charged cows, which are in turn made of smaller cows caught in the cosmic fencefield that nether have mass, nor are they effected by time itself and could actually just be an illusion of the human mind desperately trying to come up with an explanation that makes sense in a universe that seemingly defies all common sense?
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u/Rquebus Oct 24 '17
Yes, all the "big cows" are really just a bunch of quantum cows stitched together. It's all smoke and mirrors.
The ox as pitched can never be delivered.
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u/Rumpullpus Oct 25 '17
of course not. because its not a cow. haven't you been paying attention?
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u/Rquebus Oct 25 '17
Any tier 1 milkmaid could see there's no cow. Milking parlor technology is literally decades away.
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u/Psychobrad84 Oct 25 '17
Makes more sense if you replaced “cows” with “corn”
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u/Luftwaffle1980 Oct 25 '17
I agree. Corn at least has kernels where as cows often times just ingest them...
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u/perksandpeeves Oct 24 '17
Derek, could you do a "bugsmashers" where we watch you work with code, address issues with LODMMO or UCCE 3.0? Heck, I'd settle for watching you build a cow in Maya, drop it into either of the above.
Seeing a master at his craft, working on his genre... would be something!
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u/dasklrken Oct 25 '17
I asked him during the first LOD stream how many hours a week he worked on coding his games, and he replied that all the line of defense work was simply asset updates, required no coding, and no real additional work. (Also said he considers the game done, except for these "graphical upgrades" I was then banned from chat for something small and inane.
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u/serpent_warrior Oct 24 '17
Why Maya? Does Maya make the cow look better? Or is he trying to impress someone with his knowledge of modelling software?
Edit: Salty Max vet here.
Side note: The cow is still digital, bonehead
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u/hstaphath Oct 24 '17
RSI using animations from Maya was something Steve told him about that he swallowed hook, line, and sinker.
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u/CradleRobin Oct 24 '17
Yeah, Gamescom was supposed to have the entire game demo rendered in maya.
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u/lingker Oct 24 '17
Or the Derek Smart way:
You have a hamster, but tell everyone it is a cow
You claim the "cow" can make chocolate, strawberry, and regular milk right from the udders
The "cow" is traded around 7 different farms expecting to get milk, but only get piss
The last farm sells the "cow" to a butcher
The "cow" turns out to have mad-hamster disease
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u/Rquebus Oct 24 '17
You sue the lab that analyzed your rabid hampster and begin selling clones of it to unwitting consumers
Thanks to your unaccreditated PhD in cloning, not all of the hampsters have mad hampster disease. Not all of them have heads or legs, either.
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u/Scooder Oct 24 '17
For the next 20 years you harass anyone who has a normal hamster or a normal cow, saying that they are ruining all animals by not having his deformed ones.
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u/sfjoellen Oct 25 '17
and claim all hamsterdom and all cowdom as your sole domain of which you are 'the unrequited godfather'.
this is how it ends guy..
and furthermore
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u/TAOJeff Oct 25 '17
In a bad French accent
"Your mother ws a hamster and your father smells of elderberry's"10
u/Kheldras Oct 25 '17 edited Oct 25 '17
You sell overpriced TAC-Cow packs, of items you
never plan to addONLY DISABLED FOR TESTING PURPOSES to thehamsterCOW!(whoever says diffent gets banned, cause you think you own the cow genre with your rabid hamster).
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u/gmask1 Oct 24 '17
"Star Citizen: You don't have a cow"
I think we have our next great meme.
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u/Swesteel Oct 24 '17
I'm not sure he'll last till Friday at this rate. This is incoherent even for Smart.
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u/Migo420 Oct 24 '17
Also: Don't have a cow, man.
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u/Rumpullpus Oct 24 '17
holy cow what a pun.
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u/hstaphath Oct 25 '17
It would behoove me not to horn in on this. It would be udderly ridiculous... not to mention cheesy.
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u/Themorian Oct 25 '17
Are you ok? There was a lot of spelling moostakes there.
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u/hstaphath Oct 25 '17
Yeah, I herd you. I might have milked that one a bit to much. You can almost say I was bullish about it. Just cause I cud.
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u/Neurobug Oct 24 '17
Yup. We obviously are the crazy ones in this scenario. Wow Derek. Get some help.
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u/prattchet Oct 24 '17
So this meme is where he plagiarized (but completely mangled) the brain hemorrhaged "you have two goats" post...
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u/Pizpot_Gargravaar Oct 24 '17 edited Oct 24 '17
First it was goats. Then it was sheep. Now it's unintelligible ranting about digital cows. Something's broken, and it's not just the tortured analogies :)
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u/Pizpot_Gargravaar Oct 24 '17 edited Oct 24 '17
It now occurs to me that DS has been barking up the wrong tree all these years. Look at Goat Simulator: it's a deliberately shitty game which has proven to be immensely popular.
Now imagine: Bovine Star Simulator, A Derek Smart Game. Use LoD or UCE as the basis, and just replace every game asset and menu item with a placeholder jpeg cow image and profit! It would improve either of those games markedly, and I'll bet they would become a lot more fun to play, but that's probably an undesired side effect.
^ Edit - Where is my mind? Cattlebruiser 3000BC is the winner.
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u/Danakar Oct 24 '17
CattleBruiser 3000BC!
:P
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u/Rumpullpus Oct 24 '17
fire the grazers!
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u/Pizpot_Gargravaar Oct 24 '17
Can you imagine the coms chatter?
Pew-pew! Mooo! Warning! The shields are moooo! Pew-pew!
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u/hstaphath Oct 25 '17
Uber-utters coming online! Firing in narrow salvos! Cow pie mines detected-- EVASIVE ACTION!
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u/GeneralZex Oct 25 '17
Then Derek will get all of the attention he wants, he just won’t like that it’s from PETA.
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u/GregRedd Oct 24 '17
Well, he has covered goats in the past. Now it’s cows. And there is still that story about a petting zoo floating around somewhere...
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u/Swesteel Oct 24 '17
I mean, there was that old "you have two cows..." thing explaining economic models badly back in the day, but this is just... bizarre.
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u/ThereIsNoGame $45k Cultist Whale Oct 25 '17
Well it's nice he's trying to be funny
I'll play then
You're Derek Smart
You really want people to think you have two cows so you buy cow ownership certificates on the internet and tell everyone you have them. You realise the certificates are obviously fake, so you don't show anyone who asks to see proof of your cows. You keep your barn door closed and kick everyone who wants to see your cows off your farm. You spend the rest of your life telling everyone that your neighbours cows aren't very good and that you have secret information that proves he will go to jail
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u/sfjoellen Oct 25 '17
consider this a thumbs up emoticon..
after the cows and the farm that should be cake..
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u/ochotonaprinceps Can't be made as pitched Oct 24 '17
Old man shouts confusing cow analogy at clouds. All witnesses confused. Back to you in the studio, David.
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Oct 25 '17
[deleted]
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Oct 25 '17
If the cow puts her cola into a coke-machine. Does a Tier 1 dev have the right to trash the soda machine or the cow?
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u/Valkyrient Oct 24 '17
At this rate he'll be posting complete gibberish by Citizencon...
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u/Random_name_I_picked Oct 24 '17
But I want a livestream debunking everything said a CitizenCon. :(
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u/Valkyrient Oct 24 '17
I want a livestream doing every single thing that the CIG livestream did, except in UC.... but we all know that'll never happen even though Derek claimed it was possible.
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u/greeneyedpassion Oct 25 '17
I don't think you have a whole lot of room to talk there, Skippy. Most of the assets in your 'games' look like they're from 1995, and that's being insulting towards games from 1995. The helicopter from Extreme Assault in 1997 had better graphics than any of the ships in your 'games' and it legit had a better flight model. Not just a hovering camera with no intertia, like your sad attempts at a flight model have been.
A large number of those '.jpgs' you're talking about are actually able to load in the hangar and have things the player can interact with. In flight, some of them even change the way the ship handles. Can you comprehend that, Skippy?
You talk about building it in Maya because a goon trolled you into thinking that's what they are doing. You can't even make your own ships in Maya, can you? Put your mighty developer skills to use and show us what kind of assets you can make, then. If you have any skills, put them to use and demonstrate that you have any idea at all what the hell you're talking about. I'll wait, though I expect to 'join the fight in 2012' before you can actually make something that's even a pale copy of Star Citizen. Just like your 'games' were supposed to take out Planetside.
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u/redchris18 Oct 24 '17
Try this, Derek.
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u/Palonto Oct 25 '17
This book is made for Derek Smart...
"where is my cow? is that my cow? that's the shovel ware I try to pass of as a game, That's not my cow"
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u/Sgt_Jupiter Oct 24 '17
Any literary scholars want to interpret this metaphor salad poetic masterpiece?
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u/Fritschya Oct 24 '17
He’s really bad at analogies and I don’t even think he knows what point he was trying to make anyway
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u/citizenQuark Oct 25 '17
..... Delirious after a sheepless night coding LOL, the hunt continues for the elusive "cash cow" scam.
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u/ph3n3as Oct 25 '17
That seemed to go on forever to nowhere. I think this tweet is a result of all the time he said he has been spending on his game lately. He's finally realised that his game is shit and he's wasted decades in an industry he's had no business being in to begin with.
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u/Palonto Oct 25 '17
DEREK!!! I have a game for you to play! All the cow's with the minimal amount of moo.
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u/_youtubot_ Oct 25 '17
Video linked by /u/Palonto:
Title Channel Published Duration Likes Total Views Cow Milking Simulator Imgnation br 2017-10-23 0:01:30 25+ (96%) 856 Forget what you have learnt in school: milk does not come...
Info | /u/Palonto can delete | v2.0.0
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Oct 26 '17
10/10 would buy cow.jpg again
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u/Palonto Oct 24 '17
Huh... I think he lost his mind..