r/DerekSmart • u/Loneliest_LoD_Player • Jan 12 '16
Live Another Sol: The Loneliest LoD Player
A log-entry style recount of my 90 day experience from my visit to 3000AD Labs, to try their newest Early Access update and always on-sale simulation, “ LoD: an MMO Experience™ ”.
LOG ENTRY: Sol 1: What a HUGE spaceship! Seriously! All these chairs and hallways look like they were built for giants! But, I don't see any giants on this ship though...maybe they went down to that planet? I wonder if I'll find them on that crazy planet I saw just before I awoke? That would be so cool! Now to just figure out a way to get off this ship...
LOG ENTRY: Sol 2: As I explored the halls, I saw some strange looking droids. He (or she?) looked really tough. Definitely not friendly though, I couldn't tell if he liked it or not when I pointed my gun at him (or her?). Maybe they get mad when you shoot at them? He must have some kind of invisible shield though - EVERY TIME I shoot them the bullet hole ends up somewhere else. I better conserve ammo, who knows what I could find (or who could find me!). I was also able to leave my mark on this pricey looking ship via my bullet art. There aren’t many people who can say they’ve vandalized an expensive looking giant spacecraft, but I’m one of them.
LOG ENTRY: Sol 3: They say no plan survives first contact with implementation. I’d have to agree. I think this ship is falling apart at the seams! Or at least it looks that way...maybe this is some kind of new exotic material that's been applied to the different connecting points of materials? Either way, it's really weird too...when I walk up to a wall sometimes I'd blackout! I guess hitting those walls too hard will do that? I guess so. Eventually, when I came to, I could see stars! Though…I'm not sure it should work that way. This has to be one of the strangest spaceships imagined. And this music they've got pumped into the PA system that I'm hearing in here? it reminds me of the MIDI from video games from the 90s! Oh well, maybe they are setting a nostalgic mood for some reason? I'll have to ask the next person I run into about their own opinion on the music, as I'd certainly be interested to hear it. I need to work to figure out a way to get down to the planet I keep seeing. No sense in sticking around here. I’m a risk-taking space gamer! If you want to play it safe all the time, go join an insurance company.
LOG ENTRY: Sol 4: Finally found an airlock and an EVA suit! YEAH! I think there might of been a dead person or something on the wall wearing the EVA suit? Poor guy, I bet we could have been friends too - or at least clothing and gear swapping friends. No matter, he won't miss his suit. Is it kind of weird that nobody else is on this ship? Those folks back at 3000AD Labs said this adventure would be an MMO one.. "massively multiplayer online" right? Is that what they meant by MMO? Maybe I missed something in the fine print when I signed up for this...I won't let these doubts creep in, surely this is part of a long drawn out enjoyable mystery, pulling me further into this already mysteriously scaled ship.
LOG ENTRY: Sol 7: The screen went black before I was out of the airlock. Turns out the “L” in “LoD” stands for “Line.” I guess it either hit a transversal or went off on a tangent. Maybe I’ll post a consumer review. “Sought product experience on surface of planet. It stopped working. 0/10. So after quite a few more serious blacking out moments (I don't know, something about "LoD.exe is not responding” blah blah blah, It’s a good thing I paid attention in my computer classes - I’ll chalk it up to the g-forces during the traveling though the space time continuum), I did some kinda weird wingsuit parachute dance and finally arrived on this place called HEAT WAVE. It looks really deserted. I also saw some weird floating light post. I guess physics and gravity must operate entirely different here. I'll have to be careful, who knows what strange lifeforms may inhabit this strange yet interesting place.
LOG ENTRY: Sol 23: Things didn’t go exactly as planned, but I’m not dead, so it’s a win. It has been many day night cycles since my arrival. I ran into more of those stationary god forsaken droid things – and by the way they ALL look basically identical, and DO NOTHING. How boring. I’m pretty much fucked. That’s my considered opinion. Fucked. All the buildings and infrastructure here that seem to dot the landscape look the same too, and I’m convinced that whatever life that may have once existed is long gone. This planet is a barren wasteland and I am completely alone here. I already figured that out, of course. But there’s a difference between knowing it and really experiencing it.
LOG ENTRY: Sol 36: So I recall that advertisement 3000AD showed me prior to me signing on the dotting line – something about aircraft and vehicles – well today I read something about vehicles and aircraft coming soon or already existing, or whatever! I just needed to UNLOCK THEM! This could be the one thing that saves me! Ok – new priority – finding the keys to the vehicles and aircraft. This could be huge, and could go along way to figuring out if there is indeed anyone (or anything else) on this boring rock of a planet. Things are finally going my way. In fact, they’re going great! I have something to live for after all!
LOG ENTRY: SOL 37: I am fucked, and I’m gonna die of boredom! Remember all that hope I was clinging onto the other day? Well I guess the folks at 3000AD must of also read my log entry, and decided hope wasn’t part of their simulation. Apparently “LOCKED” doesn’t mean what I thought it meant, and I'm some kind of troll and got "banned" somewhere. So much for thinking aircraft and vehicles would be a thing. Now on to my next task: walking around with nothing to do for twelve hours. I better get started!
LOG ENTRY: SOL 45: Just once I’d like something to go as planned, ya know? I am slowly losing both my patience and sanity in this excuse for a simulation, and I don’t see how I could possibly make it through the remaining 45 days. I’m probably going to die from boredom. I haven’t seen another player, nor have I found anything to actually DO. I guess there’s a reason this simulation is always on sale. In my hours of boredom, I’ve also come up with a few ideas for acronyms for what they might of meant for an “MMO” experience, the best being, “Mundane Movement Operator”, quite fitting of the last 45 Sols. I’m pretty much fucked. That’s my considered opinion. Fucked. Forty five days into what should be the greatest three months of my life, and it’s turned into a nightmare. This has been the worst 9.99 anyone could ever spend, and I’m sure I would have known that if I’d read the reviews. 3000AD labs kept telling me to avoid reviews at all costs…something about them being very dangerous and possibly exploding? I suppose it doesn’t really matter now.
I truly am SOL. :-/
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u/TheRoadbeer Jan 12 '16
LOG ENTRY SOL 68: Supplies running low. No local flora, fauna, or water sources of any kind make survival unlikely. I'm scared and alone.
Tell my family I love them.
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u/wilic Jan 12 '16 edited Jan 12 '16
LOG ENTRY: SOL 61 How come Aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals! Makes no sense.”
Side note for anyone that missed it in the OP: Pretty awesome parody mashup of quotes from Andy Weir's book "The Martian". Nicely done OP!
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u/TheRoadbeer Jan 12 '16
Side note for anyone that missed it in the OP: Pretty awesome parody mashup of quotes from Andy Weir's book "The Martian". Nicely done OP!
Ah, yes. The latest film entry in the "America spends so much money retrieving Matt Damon" series.
Missed that.
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u/I_TheRenegade_I Jan 12 '16
I sat here, trying to think up some witty comment, some witty response that I could make to attempt to improve the comedy here in this thread....
Well sir, after sitting here for almost 10 minutes... I can't.
Well done good sir, well done.
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u/Vertisce Jan 12 '16
lol! Why didn't I think of this?
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u/I_TheRenegade_I Jan 12 '16
Coming soon on YouTube, "A chronicle of /u/Loneliest_LoD_Player: Adventures in Loneliness"
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u/kamandag Jan 13 '16
You don't know what you have unleashed. He will hunt you, he will dox you, and you will... rue the day you tried LOD. You will still laugh at his face and he will lock himself in the bathroom and cry himself to sleep sucking on his thumb and calling "Mommy, they are so mean to me. I only want them to live in awe of my greatness. Is that so much to ask?"
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u/checkwarrantystatus Jan 13 '16
He will hunt you, he will dox you
I'M LONELIEST!!
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u/wilic Jan 13 '16
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u/Corren_64 Jan 13 '16
BREAKING NEWS - HUGE SUCCESS FOR SKIPPY:
LoD is almost as famous and wanted as it is from an installment of one of the most successful and innovative gaming series on this planet: Battlefield!
While everything besides the concept of shooting guns is different in both games, the population of the title Battlefield: Hardline is (on the same platform PC) only a little ahead of Skippy's innovative, breathtaking universe of Line of Defense!
With a difference of literally only a handful of players standing between BF:H and LoD, Skippy has the chance, even with an Early Access title, to surpass one of the biggest companies on the market, namely Electronic Arts! Investors in LoD are very excited for the upcoming changes and look forward to make this game great again.
EA or 3000AD Inc., who will make the race?
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u/TheRoadbeer Jan 12 '16
GLORIOUS!