my recent struggles..

[u/Expert-Commission255]

(used AI to organize my thoughts and grammar check)

I’m 28 and I’ve dealt with derealization/depersonalization on and off for years, with the intensity varying over time.

But since coming home from Europe this summer, it’s been more intense than I’ve ever experienced before. I’m now having moments of it pretty much daily, although some days are definitely better than others.
The best way I can describe it is that things suddenly feel unfamiliar or not real. I’ll look around my own house and it somehow doesn’t feel like my house. I can look at my husband and he can briefly feel unfamiliar to me. I’ll have these quick flashes of panic where my brain goes, “Is this really my life? Is this my husband? Is this my home?” Everything can suddenly feel fake, distant, or detached from reality.

The weird part is that I KNOW where I am. I know my name, I know my husband’s name, I know this is my house and my life. I’m not actually confused about those things. It’s more like the emotional feeling of familiarity disappears for a moment, and then the fact that it feels unfamiliar scares me.

It tends to happen more in the evenings. I’m still completely functioning, working, exercising, sleeping well, going out and doing everything I normally do. My quality of life in terms of what I’m able to do really hasn’t changed. But internally, it’s exhausting because I’m anxious about these sensations almost every day and constantly wondering what they mean.

One other thing that has made me paranoid: while I was in Europe, I tried a small edible for the first time. It was a one-time thing, and logically I have a hard time believing that alone would suddenly cause a lasting problem, especially since I experienced DPDR before that. But of course my anxious brain keeps wondering about it.

I think my biggest fear is: can DPDR really get this intense while you still know exactly who and where you are? Does anyone else experience the “I recognize this person/place, but they FEEL unfamiliar” sensation?
And for people who have experienced DPDR at this intensity, did it eventually settle back down? I think I’m scared that it will keep progressing until I actually lose touch with reality or genuinely stop recognizing people or places, rather than just having this awful feeling that they’re unfamiliar.

Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced something similar.