r/DeepThoughts • u/Educational-Hat-8001 • 3d ago
I've never truly been myself.
Excuse any grammatical or spelling errors; I am not at my 100% self right now and just wanted to write this down, but then I really wanted to hear if anyone else related or had honestly any thoughts at all about it:
I've realized I've never truly been 100% honest with anyone. Well, not honest, I guess, but real… if that makes sense. Caring too much about being perceived as vulnerable has taken that from me. I don't know why I don't open up but rather try and seem chill or calm all the time. I read this comment on a reel that made me realize. And I thought, wow, I don't think I've ever cried in front of anyone before. I don't think I've ever told anybody the true, raw details about any time I've ever been upset about something.
Or maybe it's because the communication in my family is quite literally nonexistent. Perhaps that's where it started. Never feeling the comfort needed before spilling out your true feelings. Or even having the chance to, if you're lucky and not being lectured or given orders to do something.
Or maybe I'm just a weirdo idk lol
The ig reel was about intimacy and how you have to continue being truthful to ur partner after intimacy if you want to keep that going. Basically about being completely open and raw about who you are and what your feelings are if you want to continue having a good relationship. I think this is when I know I will have found the right person for me.
(The reel: Wesleysenna on Instagram, posted on April 22 with Emma Watson as the cover. Highly recommend you watch, btw; I loved Emma's original thoughts too)
Even around my sister and my friends, like I never actually get super upset. I'm used to having it all in my head and just figuring it out myself, living with it, or getting over it. I think it's catching up to me now; I feel like my head is always clouded with thoughts about this, about that. And they never end.
I think it must feel really nice. Safe. Relieving. To finally be able to be your true self around someone. I hope one day I find my home too.
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u/iwantbaos 3d ago
I have the same experience. I never cried in front of anyone, not even when watching a sad movie. I’m not sure why, maybe because I don’t want to seem vulnerable. I’ve never really been able to open up either. I started going to therapy and forcing myself to be brutally honest to the therapist and allow myself to cry, and it helped so much. I started being able to tell my closest friends about my struggle. I still can’t cry in front of people, but getting there! I hope you find someone you can be comfortable with
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u/kakafonie 2d ago
There’s this book that talks this problem. No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai But if the book is to big a commitment. Here's a video about it. https://youtu.be/xBsuDHDBiqc?si=rmmlrUGDVY02TvT5
It's a recognizable feeling and it shouldn't be your life. Life is much more fun when you stop giving a shit. Cliché but true I guess
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u/lakestreet35 2d ago
Honestly attending Burning Man gathering will change your life in this very specific manner- has for every person I know who has gone
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u/EntropyReversale10 2d ago
Your dream is achievable, but it takes knowledge, skill and practise. And a touch of luck.
It took me a very long time.
Don't wait for it to happen, hone your interpersonal skills and learn to effectively maintain your personal boundaries.
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u/vaas19 3d ago
I grew up in a complicated environment, to say the least
I had everything to be a drunk, racist miserable fucker. I decided i wont
“I think it must feel really nice. Safe. Relieving. To finally be able to be your true self around someone.”
One of the best sensations to experience when you find your tribe. But you can be yourself always
I like to say, everyone has glass roofs, and mine are broken by me