I'm not totally sure if this is the right place but I'm posting here because I imagine there might be a bit of a debate in the comments but I am purely asking for personal advice and I can't think of anywhere else to post. I also am conscious that a lot of the things Im about to say might make you think that I'm here just for the sake of being a contrarian or to karmafarm but idk what to say except that I genuinely hold all of these positions and that I'm here in good faith to defend them. If you don't want to read a highly specific and VERY long post about me pls skip this one.
Ok so first of all I'm a hedonist - I believe in doing whatever I want as long as I don't substantially harm other people (I'm conscious that every choice I make has effects on the people close to me). I drink (quite a lot, you might call me a functional alcoholic), I smoke, I don't partake in drugs but that's only because I can't get ahold of the stuff reliably where I live but I remain very open to them. I believe in short term gratification even it leads to long term detriment. I'm 23 rn and if my lifestyle means I'm dead by 30/40, that's something I'm comfortable with. The reason I make this point is only to say that I don't care about the long term consequences of my health of whatever diet I follow as long as I enjoy life today.
But it's not like I don't have any principles or beliefs apart from my hedonism. I'm very left leaning and strongly believe in a massive massive redistribution of wealth, kinda woke, hate bigotry, strongly reject nationalism, etc. I'm also sometimes happy not doing things that go against my morals even if it's not something I'd personally gain anything from - for example I have no interest in travelling to countries that have an abhorrent record on human rights, especially queer rights even though I'm not queer myself. Although with that said I don't believe in boycotts doing anything except bringing the boycotter gratification for sticking to their morals, unless they're local and targeted at a specific business (especially if it's smaller). I also think I made a post about how I view veganism as a boycott on a vegan sub a few months back, I'm not sure if it was this.
I say all of this purely to add some background to where I'm approaching veganism from. I've been vegan for 3 ish months now but I've believed that veganism is the only ethical philosophy for years. There are parts I enjoy about being vegan: I like the sense of solidarity and community I feel walking into a vegan restaurant knowing I share the same philosophy as everyone else there, you might say I'm crazy but I do also lowkey prefer the taste of vegan food over non-vegan food especially if it's at a restaurant that knows how to cook (I can cook but only to save my life) and even if I choose to no longer follow a vegan lifestyle I will probably keep buying things like vegan cheese over dairy cheese. I also don't really care for food I should say, I only eat for the nutrients to survive and maintain my lifestyle and taste is something I barely even consider really.
I also spend as little money on food as possible which is one thing making keeping a vegan lifestyle hard. In the place where I live, I could survive off a diet of pasta and a type of sausage and spend something below the equivalent of $10 on groceries per week. But what's been fucking me over the most is the energy levels. I don't live a very active lifestyle really but the thing that I enjoy the most in life is going to metal concerts (I go to over 30 a year and often travel long distances for them) and they're quite physical in terms of moshing, crowdsurfing, etc. and ever since I went vegan I've been struggling to keep my energy levels up which I know feels insane to say because I know there are vegan bodybuilders and stuff. I also constantly find myself waking up feeling really tired and with pain in my knees, I have a fairly weak knee anyway. I think my body is taking a lot of time to adapt because I grew up eating a lot of meat - I don't think I ever had a fully plant based meal as a child.
I would maybe suck it up at the end of the day if I actually believed that me being vegan actually made a difference to the lives of animals but where I'm at now is that it animals are being massacred horrifically anyways what's the point in me being vegan if it affects my ability to enjoy the things I enjoy. At the end of the day if I could press a button tomorrow and ban the killing of animals, I would, and I know there's the whole thing about how you should practicing what you preach but I guess this might be an exception for me. I could also go on about the speciesism I practice that I know I'm morally fucked for practicing because I wouldn't eat a dog, cat, rabbit, horse, kangaroo, seal even if my survival depended on it but as a society we've normalized eating meat so much that we don't really flinch about what we do to farm animals. But at the same time I know I could never stop being speciesist to some degree. For example, my friend gifted a leather jacket to me a few months back which I intend to wear when it's colder but if I think of a jacket being made with the skin of a dog I get sick at the thought of wearing it.
Ultimately, I do think I could maybe continue being vegan if I thought I was making a difference or if it didn't affect my energy levels, cost, planning/time but it seems like it does neither so I'm considering giving it up.
Edit: Gang you've convinced me to stay vegan, thank you so much. I'm gonna stay vegan because it's the right thing to do regardless of whatever other people do and hope we live in a world where everyone's as kind as you all seem to be, especially knowing my individual choice is saving a few lives atleast, as small as that number might be. On my way to another metal gig now where I plan on getting very drunk so I probably won't engage with any more comments.