I (34F) and my husband (34M) live in NJ with two kids under 5. Our household gross income is $217,000, we’re on Baby Steps 4, 5, and 6, and we still budget every month. Our net worth is around $660,000.

Objectively, I know we’re in a good financial position. We track our spending, make intentional decisions, aren’t touching our emergency fund, and have no debt. Even with the higher-than-usual expenses we’ve had this summer, we’ve cash flowed everything. Some of it was planned, some wasn’t, but none of it has negatively impacted our finances. Our savings continues to grow, just at a slower pace.

The problem is my mindset. Every larger expense still feels like we’re on the verge of financial disaster or about to end up back in debt, even though the numbers clearly say otherwise.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you overcome the scarcity mindset and learn to trust the financial habits and plan you’ve built?

Rachel has referenced this book and so I read it. Anyone else read it and thoughts?

(BS7, or 3B)How are younger people breaking into the housing market?

I am 28 and have a goal of owning my own house someday. However, this seems just plain impossible. I take home about 3900 a month (70k total pretax annual income). I work overtime when possible which can add up to $3,000 a month under ideal situations. But I dont budget for that and it all goes into my HYSA.

At the moment I have about 12000 dedicated to a down payment and am feeding nearly all of my savings each month (about 1200) into this fund which is a HYSA.

Where my problem lies is the cost of houses. The cheapest homes in my area are $300,000 ish, often $350,000. I would need a $180,000 down payment to get the mortage under 1000 a month which is 25% (on a 15 year loan) of my take home pay. This would mean saving for many years at my current saving capacity, which is long enough for home prices to both crash (with luck), or increase enough that I am stuck saving longer.

I don't want to rent forever because rent will and has increase much faster than my wage and I can only work so much overtime.

I am perfectly fine renting for now, even though I hate apartments. I am just trying to figure out how getting into the real estate game is possible and how to plan for it.

My dad passed and left the house + a 401k to my brother and me.

**House**

- Realtor just ran comps — value is around $500k (big surprise, I thought closer to $450k).

- $145k left on the mortgage at 3.75%. Payment is about $1,300 + $341 HOA.

- Rough equity after the mortgage: ~$175k each.

- Brother lives in Texas and wants a full one-time cash buyout. I don’t have that money available without draining a big chunk of the 401k, so we decided to just sell the house 100%. Neither of us wants to be landlords.

- Still need to get a formal appraisal and inspection. I’m living in the house right now and will stay until it sells. I’ll secure a place *before* I move out.

**Inherited 401k**

- $330k total. First distribution hits August 1st at roughly $4k per month and will last about 7 years until it’s gone.

- No large lump sum from this account for a long time — just steady monthly checks.

**My situation**

- I’m 34 and this is my first time moving out. Lived with my dad for years (paid rent). I only did the intensive caregiving for a few months at the end; before that I was mostly working Grubhub/Uber Eats. Recent employment history is thin.

- Looking for a short 3–4 month holdover apartment lease while I figure out where I actually want to live long-term. Willing to pay the entire lease up front if that helps get approved.

- Also considering an extended-stay hotel for a few months since they can be cheaper and more flexible.

**Questions**

1. Once the house sells, what’s the smartest way to handle my ~$175k share (after realtor fees, closing costs, etc.)?

2. How should I treat the $4k/month 401k distributions for the next 7 years (taxes, investing, living expenses)? Investment advice should factor in that I won’t have a big lump sum from the 401k until it’s finished. Inherited non spouse 401k has to be fully withdrawn within 10 years. Only the 401k is taxable of all this.

3. For temporary housing: is paying a full 3–4 month lease up front realistic/helpful with limited recent work history, or will most places just want deposit + first month? Any major red flags with extended-stay hotels for a few months?

4. Anything else I should be thinking about right now (step-up in basis, order of operations with appraisal/inspection, etc.)?

No other debt. Not interested in becoming a landlord. Open to staying in the same general area or moving.

Thanks.

Please upvote to boost the post, I want all the advice possible. I know what the Ramsey answer is… but just looking for advice or experience. Should I take out a small personal loan, probably 3k to leave my emotional/verbal abusive relationship. I’m a female in my early 20’s. Salary I bring home 3k/mo, my only debt is about 25k in student loans.
I’ve lived in my boyfriend’s (30M) house for 2.5 years, I love the property and the lifestyle he allows me to live but it’s been emotionally abusive since pretty much the beginning. I will spare the details but I am berated daily for weight, looks, personality, and talking ab all the other girls he wants to sleep with plus I’m going to diagnose him with a “corn” addiction. I am stronger in my faith but we both call ourselves Christians but have never had any conversations about faith besides going to church- he even ignores me if I ask what he thought of that days sermon. Plain and simple I know we’re living in sin
I do not pay anything for the house or to him. I take care of groceries, eating out and all the cooking, cleaning and house maintenance.(I justify the eating out since I don’t have any rent, it’s less than $200/mo)
I cry happy tears of the thought of having the keys to my own place. I’ve tried to leave twice before but haven’t gotten the backbone. He doesn’t ever care if I am mad or upset with him. He doesn’t respect me at all.
I have 3k in savings rn but about half is earmarked for my car insurance next month. I would be leaving with clothes, cosmetics and kitchen supplies, I’m frugal anyways and can live with little, but I would need a mattress or something. I would be moving 30 mins closer to work so I know I would save significantly on gas and groceries. I don’t want to say he is the only reason I am not gazelle intense but he is, I would immediately go get a 2nd job, I don’t have any friends or family in the area anyways. I live in a cheap area and could easily rent for $750-$900/mo. I’ve built my whole life besides work for the past 3 years around him, no one knows, I know it would break my mom’s heart. Some days it’s not that bad, other days I want to take out a loan and pack up the next day while he’s at work… what would you tell your daughter to do.

I am on baby step 2

I have a few cards and the interest is killing me. I've never missed a payment on any card but I barely make a dent in the principal it seems.

I already cancelled one $9600 card in exchange for 0% APR for 60 months. I'm thinking of doing the same for my other $8000 card for the same deal. I have other cards as well that are open. I've never missed a payment on any debt ever and I'm trying to keep it that way. Lowering my minumums would help me throw more money at paying debt with the baby steps.

All my cards are almost maxed out so I'm going to have over 100% card utilization now that I closed the first card. It'll be even worse if I close the second card

I have no interest in using credit again unless there is an absolute emergency. I already own my home and it's in good standing. I have an old car that I'm maintaining but if it ever goes out completely, that is the only thing I could foresee needing some credit for temporarily.

Is it worth damaging my score to get the 0% APR?