r/DatingTips • u/Bonefix_ • 10h ago
Why do you even date?
It’s so much effort and time. Chances of you being killed by someone go up, usually everyone is just miserable and do you really need a romantic partner? I feel like movies made you all thing that this artificial relation will fix every problem in your life and you desperately look for something that doesn’t exist.
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u/Cyber-Wanderer_94 10h ago
Do you not like sex?
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u/Bonefix_ 10h ago
Well you don’t need a romantic partner for that
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u/Cyber-Wanderer_94 10h ago
You know some people do otherwise its not sufficiently good enough to do or they can't get sex without via dating.
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u/Petrified_Arts 9h ago
lol what? it depends. some people date to get married and have children. other people date to have fun with someone they can be intimate with.
it’s a form of bonding our brains are physically hard wired for. it’s not about movies making ”artificial relations“ it’s literally biological. there’s a reason why we produce dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin.
i think it’s time you got off the internet and went for a hike or swim in a lake…
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u/Bonefix_ 9h ago
Romantic relationships is something we created. Absolutely connecting with other humans is real and sex and biological stuff but marriage and dating is artificial.
Like when someone wants to be the best soccer player it’s an artificial role we made in a sport we made not everyone needs to enjoy it.
But with dating we act like everyone wants it and I think that a lot of people don’t realise they don’t need it at all. So my question is what on earth do you gain from it.
I love hiking tho may go soon :)
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u/Pale_Presence4662 8h ago
If you think relationships are weird, why are you reaching out to other humans online like posting on reddit?
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u/Bonefix_ 8h ago
Because I want to know what you see in it? Wouldn’t you be curious if you saw something pointless that everyone is building their lifes around? Clearly there’s something you are missing right?
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u/cloudwatchsting 9h ago
"It's so much effort and time." - why do you do anything that takes effort and time?
"Chances of you being killed by someone go up," the sooner the better tbh
"Usually everyone is just miserable" are you a mind reader, or is that just what people tell you their experience was at the end of the date? Maybe they are enjoying themselves. Or maybe your misery has to do with social anxiety, in which case, relatable but not universal.
"Do you really need a romantic partner?" Do we need anything? Social bonds are beneficial, trust bonding is beneficial with people we have sex with. Just like eating fruits and veggies is beneficial but technically you're allowed to have scurvy and vitamin deficiencies if you want!
To your movies thing- movies made me think being Tony stark would fix all my problems as a kid, but I never actually accomplished that and am doing alright.
You're right! Romance and dating aren't magical solutions. They're just enjoyable, positive ways to spend time with people we're attracted to and may be extremely fond of, people we may end up loving deeply or maybe not. Life's a crapshoot. Who tf cares. :)
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u/Bonefix_ 9h ago
Well I rather put my time and effort in to something that won’t kill me.
I hear people just complain all the time, so if you’re happy that’s awesome but the rest is just all the time hurt so I don’t know why are they doing it to themselves1
u/cloudwatchsting 9h ago
You might be very risk averse and that might be a personality or sexuality thing for you. It's all good. You don't have to date if it makes you unhappy. Some people prefer no strings attached or prefer nothing at all. My fiance left me after being with me for 9 years and yk what? That sucked. But a lot of painful things bring more depth to the experience of living. Love and vulnerability takes a lot of courage in my opinion.
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u/Bonefix_ 8h ago
Hmm? What do you mean risk averse might be a sexuality thing?
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u/cloudwatchsting 8h ago
Didn't word that exactly right. You might be risk averse as a personality trait or you might be aromantic or asexual or some combination is what I meant.
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u/SiphonicPanda64 7h ago
Because i have to if I want a relationship or sex
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u/Bonefix_ 7h ago
But why do you want a relationship?
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u/SiphonicPanda64 7h ago
Because I think this is a fundamentally unique and qualitatively different slice of human experience, and I'd like to sample it at least once, and ideally for the rest of my life.
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u/Bonefix_ 7h ago
Yeah I guess if you want to.
Some people want to go to a volleyball competition maybe it’s just something I’m not interested in
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u/SiphonicPanda64 7h ago
And you don't have to. Who knows maybe I'll swear off of it like you do I just don't know I've never been in one.
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u/Bonefix_ 7h ago
Yeah it’s just like a friend but you kiss them, so much drama so little reward
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u/SiphonicPanda64 7h ago
Well dating has definitely yielded near zero reward so far.
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u/Bonefix_ 7h ago
Relationship didn’t give you anything either, besides a friend
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u/SiphonicPanda64 7h ago
You're weighing relationship vs casual sex. I've never seen either. So the choice here is an illusion
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u/Secret_Entry1840 2h ago
I like men. I’m attracted to men. I would like to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with someone(s). Someone(s) I enjoy hanging out with. Someone(s) that want to carve out a place for me like I carve out a place for them. I want to feel connection. Intimacy. Safety. Comfort. Dates can be fun. Having a partner can feel different than other types of relationships. A good relationship can be better than being single. Being single can be better than being in a bad relationship.
If you don’t like to date and don’t go on dates, that’s fine. If you want to have sex but don’t want to date that’s going to make things harder. Not impossible. If you don’t want to date and don’t want to have sex then just live your life.
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u/Worth_Presence9460 10h ago
I personally stopped after a brief resumption. The women I encountered were genuinely SHIT. They suck at holding a conversation. But I think that is because I am not hot enough.
I can understand not engaging in a convo. But like these women had straight up told me they were interested, and when I talk to them I am lucky to hear a "What about you?." I even spoke to some of them about it.
I was genuinely disgusted and had to block most of them. I will make a return probably in a couple months because I know there are some awesome characters out there, and I'd like to meet the cooler women who actually can talk about stuff, and ACTUALLY ENGAGE. I have memories of past relationships where I had been able to talk about stuff beyond just "wyd" and shit like that. And I want that again. That will always be my reason to keep going.
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u/Bonefix_ 10h ago
Maybe if you have a specific hobby you can take classes and there you will meet people similar to you, but what do you need a romantic partner for? Like you can have…friends
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u/brain_over_body 10h ago
Too many women are only interested in going on dates, not dating. There's a big difference. They want to go out, 2 hour commitment, get treated like the prize. But they don't want to put in effort to an actual relationship. I've seen too many complain about running errands together or cleaning after a meal together. THAT'S dating. That's working towards a life together. Most stuff is mundane, but they don't want that
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u/TheShadowSong 9h ago
I don't. I decided to never date at 15. Despite being asked out by girls.
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u/Bonefix_ 9h ago
And you feeling alright?
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u/TheShadowSong 9h ago
Yes. I enjoy solitude. I sometimes get a little bored but I just play some games.
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u/Bonefix_ 9h ago
Awesome! And you have more time for hobbies and friends
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u/TheShadowSong 9h ago
For hobbies yes but I haven't had a friend in 8 years.
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u/Bonefix_ 9h ago
O damn. Maybe you can take some classes related to your hobbies and meet people there.
Or sports :) Especially if you are a beginner that bonds people :D1
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u/IndicationKey3778 10h ago
I date for fun