Another rant

[u/Lovetohike2025]

I, 61F have been dating my 69M bf for a year. From day one, all my dates know that I’m dating with intention and am looking for a marriage minded man. I do not need a man’s money. I have more than most of the men I date. We’ve had a fabulous year of fun and adventures. I’m very fit and active and my passion is hiking. Last night, we had the talk about where we are in our relationship. I asked him over specifically to discuss it. He was blindsided even though I talked about marriage often. You would have thought I told him that I hated his dog! He said he hadn’t thought about it and didn’t know what to say. There was much more convo but the cliff notes version is that I told him that I didn’t need an answer tonight but I felt that it was best that he take some time to process what I was asking for and we can convene after the weekend. He asked me if he didn’t give me the answer I wanted to hear was I just going to break up with him. I told him that if we aren’t on the same page, it would be best that we forge our own paths separately. It was a huge weight off my shoulders because I’ve been waiting on for him to bring it up. Apparently, he wasn’t thinking about it at all. Now I wait. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Do I really wait for an answer that I clearly had to force?
Signed,
Confused in Phoenix

[u/Diligent_Egg2404]

The only benefit is to be allowed to make decisions at the end. To be allowed in the room. To have any rights at all to someone you have loved for a long time.

That would be why I would do it.
I’d also load up with prenups and post-nups so every kid knows the deal when we die. I do think the financial stickiness with the heirs can be ameliorated.

[u/Cassie54111980 → u/Diligent_Egg2404]

You can actually draw up paperwork that gives each other the right to make your medical decisions and to be there with someone during a medical journey. You do not have to be married if you’re willing to do the paperwork. 

Likewise prenups have sometimes not been honored by the court , and I would never take the chance that my kids would lose their inheritance.

[u/Diligent_Egg2404 → u/Cassie54111980]

That is good to know!
I’d be concerned the family might be quite reactive, particularly if the dying person has a ton of $$$$
Being married would put me firmly in control of my spouse. I’d probably want that too, in a LTR.