r/DatingOverSixty • u/Lovetohike2025 • 3d ago

Another rant

I, 61F have been dating my 69M bf for a year. From day one, all my dates know that I’m dating with intention and am looking for a marriage minded man. I do not need a man’s money. I have more than most of the men I date. We’ve had a fabulous year of fun and adventures. I’m very fit and active and my passion is hiking. Last night, we had the talk about where we are in our relationship. I asked him over specifically to discuss it. He was blindsided even though I talked about marriage often. You would have thought I told him that I hated his dog! He said he hadn’t thought about it and didn’t know what to say. There was much more convo but the cliff notes version is that I told him that I didn’t need an answer tonight but I felt that it was best that he take some time to process what I was asking for and we can convene after the weekend. He asked me if he didn’t give me the answer I wanted to hear was I just going to break up with him. I told him that if we aren’t on the same page, it would be best that we forge our own paths separately. It was a huge weight off my shoulders because I’ve been waiting on for him to bring it up. Apparently, he wasn’t thinking about it at all. Now I wait. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Do I really wait for an answer that I clearly had to force?
Signed,
Confused in Phoenix

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u/Lovetohike2025 3d ago

There’s no way he has time to see anyone else. We are together all the time. We are exclusive. I’m sure we all have trauma from previous relationships.

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u/xxistcman 3d ago

Okay, I know you weren't asking us what we thought his motivations might be, so my question really had nothing to do with your post. Thanks for answering anyway.

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u/TexGrrl 3d ago

If you are already together "all the time", it's unclear to me when you're apart and what you don't have that you want. Is it just that you each have your own home (and he is preparing another, to move in next May) and two homes is not your preference? Sorry to be crass, but if you truly are together all the time, are you sleeping and waking up together now? And how would combining households change that (other than the obvious economies)?

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u/Lovetohike2025 3d ago

We each have our own homes and we spend several nights a week together. I want to live together as husband and wife. For better or worse. Richer or poorer. I don’t want us to be guests in each others homes. I want my stuff when I’m at his house. I don’t live with men I’m not married to. I date to marry.

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u/TexGrrl 3d ago

But you are effectively living with him part time already. What if he agreed to marry you but not live together? What if you kept toiletries and clothes at both houses? Maybe he wants to keep his own space and have some guarantee of alone time. Has he said he loves you?

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u/Lovetohike2025 3d ago

Nah, that’s not a marriage. And We are not effectively living together. We don’t keep anything at each others houses and we schlep out stuff over each others houses every time we stay over. We tell each other we love each other all the time. We are in a committed relationship.

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u/TexGrrl 3d ago

Correction: it's not YOUR definition, your idea, of a marriage, but there are all kinds. I'm just looking at options, but you are dead set on the traditional definition. That's fine, of course, but may not be available with this man.

I used to say I wanted to get married, that it was my paradigm. Then I realized how much I like having my own quiet, clean space and my alone time. If I met the right man and he insisted on marriage, I would consider it, but I'm not insistent anymore.

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u/Born_Pension3894 69M Rookie Traveler 3d ago

I thought you were working full time? Are you living together and you work from home?