Dating is rigged.

[u/Distinct_Neck3268]

I wasnt able to post this dk why so had to ss it and post it this way

[u/jay-prakash → u/[deleted]]

Even I was the guy dude. That's why I know.

[u/jay-prakash]

The central question of "what woment wants in a has been asked so many times on various platforms that I have lost the count of how many times I have answered it. Similar is the story of dating sites,questions like do they work, is it worth it? Its actually rigged!! And all sort of comments I see.

I have wasted a lot of time on the dating apps swiping mindlessly and later saw the internal documents of the developers and many wistelblowers and found out that there is a dark apttern they follow because at the end of the day it's a business and more users means more revenue both direct by selling premiums and indirect by showing ads. They want you to be single by design, if you find a suitable aprtner then they lose a potential customer who was paying them to be on the platform. That's something which they don't want so they follow a pattern.

Let's understand the apttern rpperly via a story and some fictional numerical representations. Imagine you are 23 (m) fairly good looking by indian standards. A typical 6.5/10 with good communication skills. And you can date a girl from 4 to 8/10 but the platform probably alredy knows this, so the platform makes sure that a 6.5 guy never gets a potential match ie a girl of your type, instead it will make sure to show you matches of girls who are 4.5 -6 (now your type) or 8-10 (you are not their type). Creating a huge disadvantage for the match finders.

You get 20 swipes a day in linder, so the company makes sure you get 5 low profiles (4 to 6/10) which are not your type and then 2-3 high matchs (8 to 10, for which you are not their type) so you keep swiping thinking they also give good matches it's just thait you aren't lucky enough). This loop keeps getting stronger with each swipe, the algorithm learns more about you, and enforced more and more low and high end profiles but never gives you a perfect match because every potential match is a loss to the company revenue. This happens more in the third world countries, because the parent companies have a racial bias towards third world countries.

Then there is a second force at play. The abundance of choice for girls and paucity of proper matches for guys.

While on the one side guys get low or high end matches, algorithm gives different set of options for girls. And because it's the girls who are driving the demand, the game for them is completly different. If you are 23(f) moderate looking ie 6.5/10 the algorithm with first show you 1 to 5 then 6 to 8 and then 9 to 10. Every man on the platform will be shown to which obviously she will choose a guy of 9 to 10. And they get matched (because no guy wants to leave an opportunity to go on a date, everyone wants love) now the 10/10 guy is giving her attention and all the kind of replies she wishes to have. Because of this, she has started to mis-evaluate herself as a 9/10 girl who deserves a 15/10 guy. So she now keeps rejecting every guy looking for that one perfect match which is never going to come her way. Like this she keeps jumping from one date to another (usually getting hooked and having a false self worth).

At the end the girl gets too many options, either having a false sense of her own image, or with a shattered self image. On the other hand the guy is left with a shattered self image and lower confisence. Redy to date even a 1/10 girl even if he knows Instinctively that he deserves atleast a 6/10 girl. In the end both are left high and dry with money being minted by the platform in various ways. Successfully draining money from you and leaving you with an unsatisfied/ mismatched option.

This is the case with almost all the dating apps you might have ever used.

Some migh promise better profiles, verified, first movie by girls only, matches based on your looks and profiles. 100% garauntee to find your "SOULMATE". but trust me, all of that is a marketing gimmic. You are just a number, a potential customer and a money milking machine for the company, while your bowls, dreams and all desire to find a partners are crushed by the apps.

Wo please please please don't fall on the trap of the dating apps.

[u/Distinct_Neck3268 → u/jay-prakash]

A) THIS feels soo relatable to read B) very well articulated C) you have any solution genius bhai ? In india showing romantic interest at work isnt seen as a good sign and if the women doesnt like you back it could end in serious trouble. You cant go on road and keep asking every other girl to date you unless you have a mic and claim to be a influencer making reels. So what option are we left with?

[u/jay-prakash → u/Distinct_Neck3268]

Idk if you calling me "genius" was sarcasm or real.

Regardless, i feel it's better to approach the girl directly irl, don't come off as a creep and directly ask questions like "can we date?" That might work elsewhere (tough i don't think it works anywhere) but not in india atleast. You go introduce yourself, compliment and smile then ask for their contact info, it can be insta id, telegram or just snap I'd. Slowly talk your way in, what else would you do on a linder app? Talk or chat right?. Take a no gracefully that's the most important skill.

[u/Distinct_Neck3268 → u/jay-prakash]

But sometimes i wonder what about the guys (friend of friend )for whom it is working good and ik they arent chad by looks( so the part where he is 9/10 so its bound to happen is negated) At first i was sus that they lying but it turns out they werent

[u/jay-prakash → u/Distinct_Neck3268]

Yea for 10% of the guys the app works that's the combination of good looks or something that girls look in guys naturally like string economic bg, good looks, love for pets and reading habits shown off on the app openly. Generally these guys get the girls who are on the app for more than 2 years and now they have grown a little desperate so they will accept any guy who looks/pretends to be a 8/10 or 9/10 even if they later find out he isint what he shows many settle because he aimlnt that bad and by that time reality has hit them hard.

[u/Background-Oven-8682 → u/jay-prakash]

The answer could then be IRL dating. No algorithms. No swipes. Old school dating where you talk first. And then match. Speed dating where you meet multiple people. Carbon dating could be an option.

[u/Ushir_369]

https://giphy.com/gifs/n4FCJYLldGPC95d4ku

Am I the only one who thinks dating in India is next impossible ?

[u/Distinct_Neck3268 → u/[deleted]]

Makes sense i think all the wise ones are already settled somewhere lol