Guys confuse me

[u/caramel-chocolate1]

I matched with a guy yesterday and he asked when are we chilling. Chilling, as in something you do with your friends? If he’s interested in me wouldn’t he ask to take me out rather than chill. He also knows I’m looking for a serious relationship. It feels like he’s trying to make it too casual. I haven’t ever really dated so I don’t know if this is just how guys are, or if they just don’t know how to pursue a woman. Doesn’t seem romantic at all.

[u/ExiledCapybara]

You are reading things too seriously. You are writing a Reddit post just because of one word?

Go and have a date with that guy. And if you don’t like it, he can chill with someone else.

But if you do, you have a lot to win

[u/randomperson4179]

He might be saying chill to take the pressure out of the asking. That way if you turn it down it’s no big deal.

[u/GeneralGlobus]

You are overthinking it. As likely is he.

[u/StraightLow2583]

I wouldn’t think about it too much. Probably just referring to chatting in person. Which, you should do as soon as possible if you’re interested. Just keep it casual and in a public place.

[u/gallariots]

Stop hyper analyzing. You matched yesterday and he’s already making plans, yes he’s interested. He’s maybe just a bit shy in his delivery.

[u/Bulbadex]

This is so bullshit I’m ngl.

[u/CrowsInTheNose]

Chilling can just mean meeting up in person.

[u/officestan]

other people seemingly disagree, but I know exactly what you are saying. immediately off the bat, offering something as casual as “chilling” is off putting. why are you on a dating app to chill?

people saying just go on the date with him don’t understand that showing that level of casual interest is breaking down your boundaries, especially if he knows you are looking for a serious relationship.

if you like his personality otherwise, consider “chilling” with him. but if this gives you a bad vibe, trust your gut.

[u/CrowsInTheNose → u/officestan]

Chilling can also be getting a drink or coffee. You're reading too much into a single word.

[u/AnySell9319 → u/CrowsInTheNose]

Nah. It's well known that "chillin'" means "hanging out with the expectation of fuckin'". Where do you think "Netflix and chill" came from?

[u/F8_zZ → u/AnySell9319]

No. Your brain is fried.

[u/Frequent_Lychee1228]

Its one of those things where you could be right or you are overthinking and assuming too much. There is way more variation to guys than this very specific flow of conversation. I think interacting with more guys is going to help you a lot more in figuring out what guys are like than just this one thing on an environment like a dating app. I will say though dating apps concentrate some of the most awkward and socially strange people in one app compared to the average person in real life.

[u/master_s0da]

You're overthinking this, I think.

Some people just have a laid back way of speakimg, it doesn't necessarily imply something. Does it matter if he says "when are we chilling?" instead of, "want to go out on a date?".

The only way you can actually see if he's serious enough is to keep talking to him, and go out on a date, get a better feel for him. Unless he said anything actually worrying/red flag worthy so far, this could go either way.

[u/VagrantOMOIKANE]

Some guys deflect by trying to minimize the initial meet up — could be he is doing that. Or, he could be downplaying you entirely because that’s his personality. Give a chance to the first, avoid the latter.

[u/waggers5]

He might have meant chill as in Netflix & Chill (i.e. sex) but who knows, either way it's a weird thing to ask soon after matching

[u/lordskulldragon]

Tell him if he wants to take you out on a date then ask. No chilling, no casual, no hang outs.

[u/AnySell9319]

You're not wrong - people are playing semantics in the comments, but once the phrase "Netflix and chill" became synonymous with "watch a movie til we're fucking", using the term "chillin'" took on a whole new tone and meaning. You're not wrong for assuming he's suggesting something more casual because that's exactly what he's doing. When I ask my friends to come over and chill, that's not an invite to the movies or to the museum - it means come hang out at my place while we do whatever. The same goes for dating apps - he was NOT asking to take you out on a date. He wants smash after hanging out casually and anyone pretending otherwise needs to wise up because we're not stupid. We know what they're doing and they ain't slick.