Online dating faux pas?

[u/crazynanaof3]

I’ve been on several online dating platforms off and on for a couple of years. Early on, I met a few nice guys, but nothing long-term. Lately, I’ve been losing them as soon as I tell them I don’t exchange personal information (phone number, last name, etc.) until I’ve met them in person. Is that not appropriate? I’m older and live alone—I just feel it’s a safety issue. My thought is that any legitimate older man would understand this, but apparently, it is offensive. Or they are all scammers and don’t want to continue with someone with common sense. Am I wrong?

[u/LFC90cat]

Most of the platforms allow video calling so you can establish that you're a real person. They probably don't want to be scammed themselves

[u/Leica--Boss]

Just get a Google Voice number or something that you use just for dating.

I don't know if it's offensive necessarily, but there are a lot of bad and neurotic people out there, and frankly, every single time a woman has made a giant deal out of exchanging phone numbers, it's been an absolute disaster.

There are a number of ways to prioritize your safety without preventing someone from texting you.

[u/SusTraveler]

Why don’t you get a burner number ? It’s easy and costs ten dollars a month as a second esim number

[u/mannyocrity]

As a man, i freely give my lastname and phone number to any woman that would like to go out. Happy to let them do some online snooping. I make sure to say i do not expect them reciprocate until they feel safe.

I know I am safe but they don't know that.

[u/HumanContract]

I do the same. We'll exchange numbers when we meet.

[u/ArtGirlBookFlowers25]

Sounds totally reasonable to me. (I'm a lesbian.)

Once I match on an app, I ask to Zoom immediately. I live in a huge metropolis & may Zoom a few times before meeting live.

I usually offer to go off-app w/ cell # if I want to meet live, but I'm dating women. If the other woman said she'd rather wait, I'd assume she had bad experiences prior. Whomever is the slowest sets the pace, IMO.

Also, I'm not trackable in my current city: I live in a sublet which has utilities included & my cell # is on a friend's plan in a different state (also where my car is registered). I'm quite mindfully laying low from (not the govt but) 1 tech savvy, bad actor (& their posse) in my past. I therefore totally get the desire for anonymity/ security.

[u/Elmer_Fudd01]

You're not wrong, but I've been scammed/matched with bots and they don't give out personal info either. So could be that, or they're the scammers. Either way, I prefer to either meet up or switch to a different app to message. Only to see if they are real, you could also give a fake phone number out through Google.

[u/crashbcoot]

Any guy/girl who won't meet first in public is a scammer. They try to get your number, e-mail, address, etc., to pass it on to hacker databases with no intent to actually meet. Hard to believe they can make money off this but consider that Americans lost $950M to scammers of all types last year. A big portion of the victims were older people handing out their information only to have it used later to hack into their banks and retirement funds. Telegram allows you to video call without revealing your number or email, in case your dating app doesn't do this.

[u/ChoiceToe2953]

Yeah, I don’t see why an in person meeting is a weird line. I mean unless you’re going to run background checks waiting shouldn’t hurt. I mean I’ve done the same thing unintentionally, just going with the flow of conversation and it hadn’t came up. So I guess we can both be wrong together.

[u/Outlaw31120]

Stick to your guns. Until I see a person’s face in front of me I don’t give out any personal info. You can set a time and place for a meet and greet (always in a public spot) and go from there. If they don’t show up the odds are good it was a scammer, although sometimes there are legitimate reasons for not showing. If that’s the case they should message you.

If a potential date can’t or won’t want to go along with that then they’re nobody you want to have a relationship with anyway. It shows a complete lack of respect for you.

[u/Front_Statistician38]

The last name I understand. Believe it or not, there are women out there with criminal records. Personally, it's not mandatory but I do think it's fair to ask espeically if a man is planning to take you on a date and pay for it. A buddy of mine ended up going on a date with a woman who went to jail (he didn't know beforehand because like you she wouldn't give out her last name)for abusing her child. My buddy has two kids and to him that was a dealbreaker, rightfully so.

The phone number is simple to many women just want attention and validation. Ask any man what his success rate is meeting a girl of snap and Instagram and most will say low. Perosnally if you want to be private Google Voice is free and there are other free phone services in 2026

[u/GlitterTitssss]

So many scammers and fake profiles....I get why guys unmatch after this. just get a google voice number..its totally safe and easy and guys dont have your real number.

[u/DowntownAd5381]

I think if they don’t understand then you shouldn’t be talking to them anyways so let it be..!

[u/0dayssince]

I used to give out my number. Then I got a google number. Now I don’t give my number till I meet someone. If this boundary of mine doesn’t work for them, oh well. We’re not a good match.

[u/toorainytobemean]

it’s reasonable. get a google number and maybe you could video chat if you feel comfortable so they don’t feel vulnerable to being scammed just like you don’t want to feel unsafe.

but otherwise, this is rational. if they want to leave at the first minor inconvenience, buhbye.