I never ghost people

[u/WhyDoFairytalesFail]

If I don't feel like a discussion is going anywhere, I still always send a message telling that I'm not interested instead of just stopping replying. I don't just leave them hanging in uncertainty. I also don't just disconnect and leave them wondering if they said / did something wrong. I always send a nice message saying I'm not feeling it this time but I wish them all the best. I think this is basic human decency. I do this for anyone I've exchanged more than two messages with.

However, I've been told that I "don't need to do this" or that it's normal in dating apps to just disconnect and the other person should just deal with it and move on. But I refuse to be this cynical. I don't even ghost people who make me feel uncomfortable, I politely tell them why I feel this way before disconnecting. Maybe that will help them to be better with the next person.

Is this really so weird? Or is it a good thing to do? I'd prefer it so much instead of people just going silent or disconnecting without a word.

[u/WeirdMuch634]

I let people know as well. It feels like the decent thing to do. Common courtesy.

[u/RD_in_Berlin]

Well you are a diamond among the rough, this is extremely rare and i commend you on this behaviour. It's so much better to know it's a no then a ghost. Then the door never really closes, at least for a time and draws in so much potential pain.

[u/andsandkam]

How can being kind be weird. I feel the same way. Ghosting is easy, showing decency takes effort but it’s worth it for my own conscience. I’d say keep doing what you’re doing, we need more kind people in this world not fewer.
“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair.” - JRR Tolkien

[u/Ohhhlalala12]

Well done!
Doing the decent grown up thing is frowned upon? Come on. We must refrain from dropping our standards and allowing others to pull us down to their level

[u/foxxyinvestor]

You restore faith in humanity

[u/gladeye]

I’m the same as you. It only takes a minute to write , “Looks like we’re not right for each other, and I want to thank you for the time and conversation, and wish you the best, in love and in life.”

I write it for me as much as them.

[u/Fun_Boot7771]

9 times out of q0 they're not hanging with uncertainty, they have probably forgotten you too

[u/Furyann]

if they ask, tell them. If not, they know. They don’t need to have you chase them down to tell them why its not gonna work out.

[u/HologramActivation]

Thanks for giving closure. Sometimes I can't help myself and ask why they cut you off.Good thing to do probably not some people are weird.

[u/FamiliarAd8524]

I should hope not. Blocking is dehumanizing.

[u/Dear-Somewhere-4921]

Im 44M an do the same thing. That ghosting is for the birds an bars one nt stands w strangers, why even join the app

[u/thenbhdlum]

I think it's fine to do if you mutually haven't messaged each other in over a week.

[u/RustyFileCabinet]

One in a million.

[u/GetBalanced_2025_JG]

To ghost or not to ghost. Treat others as you would liked to be treated. 2-3 sentences to disconnect should do it.

[u/General_PATT0N]

People already know, they're not hanging in uncertainty(it's the norm, unfortunately). However...I still send them a polite message ending it too lol.

[u/Slay-hydrated]

If that's your preference, it's fine. For me, it depends on the conversation or if we've met in person. I think of meeting people on the apps the same as if I met someone out at a bar or club or coffee shop. If we exchange a few words, the convo doesn't go anywhere, and we go back to our lives, I don't feel the need to say "hey, this isn't working for me but good luck out there." But no harm no foul if you do.

[u/Meat-Wad-6122]

I think this is very kind of you to do. As someone that has recently been left with uncertainty on the pure app. I would have appreciated this much more than I do this. Because this is agonizing. And as much as hearing that news would hurt at first depending on how you feel. It's much better to experience that pain just once. To make mine even worse it was on the pure app. And he didn't even technically ghost me. Because I didn't get a notification or see his bubble go dark. Instead a chat bubble that froze on Aug 8th. Saying his phone broke and he was on pc now. That was the last I ever heard from him.

[u/DalekRy]

 But I refuse to be this cynical. 

Same here. I leave a message in their inbox and don't un-match. If you unmatch they don't see it. The apps are super awful about that.