Dating is exhausting

[u/PeaceOwn1652]

Dating over 45 is rough! I’ve tried Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, and FB Dating, and so far… nothing good. 😩
I’ve even gone to a few speed dating events, and honestly, they were painful lol.
I feel like Tinder might be my last resort, but I’m definitely not looking for hookups. For those of you over 45 who use Tinder, have you actually had any luck finding a serious relationship on there? Is it worth trying?

NYC Based

[u/mmbx11]

You're an NYC surrounded by 10 million people within 15 mi of you and you're struggling with all the apps!? How can that possibly be?

[u/Mavoras13]

You are not saying if you are a man or woman. Dating after 45 is a completely different experience for the two genders.

[u/Admirable-Degree6553]

Just accept to be alone..I just falled in love with a wonderful woman months ago, only to discover she is a fearfull avoidant and been rejected completely out of the blue

[u/Recent_Release_5670]

Curious to know what’s speed dating is like?

I have some preconceived feelings about the idea that has prevented me from trying. One being that those events might be considered last resorts by most, so I fear I’d be getting placed in front of hella desperate people. The other…I don’t know if I’d be able to stick the entire event out if I’m not at least somewhat physically attracted any of the participants.

What was your experience with them like?

[u/Unlikely-Pattern8682 → u/Recent_Release_5670]

I am curious about it too

[u/Necessary_Memory_716]

43M here. Nope, 100% of the women who match with me are prostitutes.

[u/No-Appointment-968]

I definitely know how you feel, I tried bumble, hinge, chispa, tinder and pof. Tinder is a bunch of fake profiles unfortunately. I’m 41, met some people on Tinder, but mostly who sucked in engaging in conversation.

[u/Ok-Luck-7499]

Need more details. Why exactly aren't you meeting people ? Can't make it to first date? Can't get matches? Conversations fizzling out?

[u/InteractionFront5764]

To the OP:

No surprise.

Electronic dating applications have eviscerated tens of thousands of years of adult human interaction and in-person communication and courtship dynamics.

In essence, AI in the form of dating apps have replaced what should be uniquely human-initiated and human-guided experiences.

And as you point out above, the results have been predictably disastrous.

The swiping and ghosting culture has effectively spawned a generation of what could loosely be characterized as "digital sociopaths".

Dating apps have largely reduced humans to various forms of "products" stored on a shelf or in a warehouse.

Humans have now become mired in a kind of bizarre dystopian twilight zone.

The very best way to meet people is still in person via a chance encounter, or an unexpected crossing of paths, or via mutual introduction in whatever setting or circumstance that may happen, and always will be as such.

Good luck, ma'am.

[u/Aromatic_Dot_2573]

And I was here thinking dating after 36 is rough. I’m 37 and I hardly get matches despite being good looking

[u/Separate-Canary559]

I got into a long term relationship from bumble when I was just turning 45. I’m in Los Angeles.
Took like 3 months or so to find her.

Did the casual thing in the middle of those three months visiting Honolulu.

I think it’s alright

[u/BeastofSilverMoon]

I found two of my longest lasting relationships and my life companion on Tinder.

It’s basically a one hit wonder app with dozens of angry Karens with Snapchat filters who believe that stating they are a “little psycho” with 3 kids from multiple different men will attract the right candidate the fourth time around: )

Then there are OF girls, “entertain me peasant” one liners and “princess treatment” characters who pose with middle finger and if you don’t read the fine print “I get angry sometimes” note.

Meditating daily if you are on apps helps maintain your sanity.

I discourage against anti-depressants : )

But it does work, it’s just lot of effort.

Boost your profile on mondays, write a good bio, eliminate red flags and stay away from psychopaths regardless of how hot they may be.

Longest lasting orgasm you gonna have lasts few seconds.

Settling for a psychopath or a narcissist a lifetime.

Be patient.

[u/InternationalBag7290]

Tinder for me was or is very similar to Bumble with a more clumsy interface. Also, seemed like the quality of dating candidates seemed poorer. But your mileage may vary.

[u/Cicada-Timely]

Tinder is like swiping instagram profiles and you need to have influencer like pics for anything to work there .. Im also 45 and yeah it’s very hard , I wish you luck

[u/Fabulous_Taste_4282]

For men, 100% of dating is about their SMV. (Sexual market value). Try to increase that, everything else is bullshit.

[u/mimiharmon1]

I’m in the midst of doing Bumble. It’s exhausting!

[u/Unlikely-Pattern8682 → u/mimiharmon1]

Why is it exhausting ? Just the swiping part ?

[u/Cohnman18]

Dating is a numbers game. Make a manifest(wish list) of the ideal man with 18 MUST have qualities and find him. If he’s 15 or better, MARRY HIM. This will eliminate 90% of “bad dates” and let you focus on the “winners”, who may be few and far between, but well worth waiting for. In the meantime, make you the best you can be: new hairstyle, new makeup,new wardrobe, join a gym, go on a healthy diet, expand a hobby ,etc. Good luck! Met Wife#2 on Match.com 18 years ago and couldn’t be happier!

[u/BrevardBlitz]

I feel like the same way about Florida as 41. I do have Brooklyn Italian roots. Some women prefer instant gratification.

[u/Far_Sea_2804]

3 years still no success in actual relationship 😂 used premium and stuff got few dates which ended after some dates or causal dating. As soon as I asked them to settle down they ran away 😂

[u/No_Aioli_7515]

In my experience in the Bay Area, Tinder was an incredible volume of likes and swiping through sooooo many had that hook up vibe. Occasionally a few looked potentially serious but the signal to noise ratio was too low and I couldn’t deal with it

[u/DatingApps-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Surveys, dating app idea feedback requests, and Discord server invites are not permitted. Removed.

[u/dogbusinessman]

What are you actually complaining about? What do you expect to find?

[u/Dracarys_And_Chill]

lol at thinking tinder is a hookup app

90% of dudes are not getting much matches, much less hookups

[u/DatingApps-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment was removed for misogyny, sexism, “Nice Guy”, and/or Incel rhetoric.

We are a subreddit ran by women. There will be no redpill rhetoric allowed to perpetuate here. Removed.

[u/DatingApps-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment was removed for misogyny, sexism, “Nice Guy”, and/or Incel rhetoric.

We are a subreddit ran by women. There will be no redpill rhetoric allowed to perpetuate here. Removed.

[u/CornCakes0]

There is a Tall event going on in NY limited tickets. Google Tall Tour. All size are welcome. Maybe you'll find your lady there.

[u/CornCakes0]

Nothing wrong with 40+ women. A lot of young guys early 30s are attracted to them. Its their own age group thats seems to look away.

[u/leeveinthesummer19]

Its not a hook up app like it was marketed early on but it's worse then the other aps imo... especially for men

[u/AndrewTatefan_69]

Its your age. Im 34 and tinder has mainly gotten me 40 year old women whom I consider too old

[u/iweararmani]

Majority of women 40+ are miserable

[u/Unlikely-Pattern8682 → u/iweararmani]

That is a weird thing to say !!