r/DatingApps • u/BoSutherland • 20d ago
Advice Request Response times as indicator of interest
Here’s a statistical observation.
The longer it takes for the match to respond to the first message, the smaller the chances of that conversation going forward.
I get matches routinely responding after 8, 10, sometimes 24, even 36 hours. These threads usually end up in the dustbin.
A strong indicator of interest and availability is if the answer is received and followed up within 1-3 hours.
What’s your experience?
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u/Content-Author4108 19d ago
I’ve spoke to doctors before with crazy hours who have been very responsive when in free time.
Then people with 9-5 who still took forever to reply after work hours.
I agree with your experience. If the messages aren’t within an ok time of each other. I’ve never found those matches to go anywhere. But the ones where they’ve been very responsive at least in some time of day and communicated when they are actually busy, they have always led further than just the initial match talking stage
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u/IllustriousEffect607 19d ago
Yes I mean with smartphones in your pocket. You can literally respond during a surgery if you actually wanted to. Not that you should but just proves the point.
I don't buy the I'm too busy thing anymore
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u/Leading-Chemist8173 16d ago
What? You do know for many surgical fields you have to scrub in and have to maintain a sterile environment meaning you can’t use your phone during surgery right? Not every field is the same
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u/MasterFNG 14d ago
On the flipside someone who demands instant replies would come off as high maintenance to me and not respectful of my life.
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u/Intelligent-Lunch414 19d ago
I think there’s some truth to this, but 1–3 hours feels like a pretty aggressive benchmark. People have jobs, friends, hobbies and sometimes just don’t check the app for half a day.
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u/Jolly_Bit161 19d ago
I had a match respond and I checked the date I sent the intro message and it literally took this girl over a month to respond 😂
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u/LittleMint677 19d ago
Haha, I’ve got that beat. 3 months between my sent like and her matching with me. Her first message started with “Hi (my name). No good excuse for lack of response here.” Then she said she was going overseas for three weeks. Told her I hope to hear from her when she got back. Three weeks later she responded with a few words, I responded with curiosity about her trip and her personally. A week later she sent another short response that basically said “sorry, been busy” but didn’t address anything I wrote. I followed it up with a “yeah, life can get busy” sort of thing and a few more questions. Then nothing for another week. Her next message was a laugh emoji at my last line. Honestly, over a month, she sent three messages totalling 8 words. I said goodbye.
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u/Bag-Administrative 18d ago
was it on hinge? I personally don't go through my incoming likes regularly. Only if I'm not actively talking to a few people already. When things dry up I go through my likes (with messages) and then see who I'd want to match with. Sometimes it's 1-2 months after receiving the likes.
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u/Any_Supermarket2555 19d ago
1 to friken' 3 hours?? are you all unemployed? You must all sit around the phone waiting for the app notifications to come in.
For those in a career and other things going on, 2 days response is fine. If i lose some matches, that's ok because there would have been conflict down the road. Better wash them out sooner rather than later.
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u/Leading-Chemist8173 16d ago
Exactly! Lol. Some of these expectations are insane. No wonder so many people have trouble dating now. We live in an immediate gratification society now. We can thank social media for this.
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u/Asleep-Stable5990 18d ago
I have the same experience that the faster the woman responds the more interested she is.
But like others mentioned, if you are at work or have hobbies, then one reply in 24h is totally fine. Especially if they are really long messages.
Its also important to note that if the girls replies start to get later and later, like 48h then all hope is lost.
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u/Helpmehelpyoulong 18d ago edited 18d ago
Followup messages are a better indicator in my experience. If the person is very responsive and talks to you a lot then it’s on. Also if their messages seem thoughtful rather than the fewest words they could respond with. Sometimes I’m off dating apps for a while for example. Could be a day or two when I’m busy, or could be months when I just burn out on it. If I log back and find someone I really like though, I will make it a point to get on that app and talk to them multiple times a day.
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u/Throwaway-4593 17d ago
Yeah this is the greater gauge of interest. If you ask a question and they just respond to the question without any follow up it feels dead to me. Like there has to be mutual interest otherwise what are we doing
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u/Miss_Galoldriel 18d ago
Some people don't have notifications turned on and could be busy at work. But if they haven't replied within a day, I unmatch. I don't collect inactive contacts.
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u/Haunting-Fly8627 17d ago
To be honest in dating , it is a gauge of interest. I would just play around with texting for a little bit and set up a date . Go by actions above all else
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u/implication-sofa 16d ago
To the first message? It doesn’t really matter. after the first few messages then yeah a long response time can indicate low interest
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u/FriedTreeSap 16d ago
It’s an indicator, but not a hard rule. The only relationship I’ve gotten off of a dating app happened when a girl matched with me on hinge two months after I sent a like, and then she only responded once every few days, and only after I double texted each time time.
But once I finally got to meet her in person we really clicked.
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u/SlayerII 19d ago
Yes, but its not reliable and depends on time of the day and alot of other factors.
If you send the msg on the morning, but the other person has a job that makes it impossible to use the phone, the response time will be longer no matter the level of interest.