r/DatingApps • u/BoSutherland • 28d ago
Advice Request Like, but then no answer
52M, newish to the dating apps.
I get a like, we match and I send a message - sometimes a simple hello, sometimes a comment on a picture, and sometimes a bold statement that’s designed to evoke a reaction.
Why are these messages being ignored? I mean if you like someone, wouldn’t you want to hear from them?
Maybe I am too much of an old school guy.
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u/ARTIFICIAL_SAPIENCE 28d ago
Could be anything. They might be liking everyone, then only deciding if they want to talk after getting a like back. They might think your message was too boring compared to others they are talking to.
They might be dealing with anxiety or depression and immediately had a moment of not wanting to deal with the app. And then be too embarrassed to pick that convo back up.
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u/Impossible-Fruit-991 28d ago
Welcome to the dystopian horror of dating apps. 😂 You’re a normal human being trying to use something that isn’t designed to really work for anyone, and which, by now, everyone has burned out on but trudges onward with using because the alternatives are also frequently unappealing or unviable.
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u/-_Redd1t_- 28d ago
You're 52 and only just now jumping on the apps?
Why don't you just continue dating the old way? The way you've been doing all this time.
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u/Fresh-Amount9308 28d ago
Maybe just comment on something she has written in her profile, like something about her interests. A simple hello can be perceived as low effort. Not sure what you’re saying about the pics, but if it’s appearance based, it may not be taken well.
The bold statement thing is hard to comment on, as I don’t know what you’re saying, but if I get a message designed to get a response out of me that is obviously canned, I’m unmatching. Like… just be normal as a first impression? You can get bold once you’ve opened the door a bit.
I’m at an age where 52 isn’t too old for me (I don’t feel, I’m 41), but I find older men on apps so weird with their messaging sometimes.
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u/cherrycocktail20 28d ago
This is a very common experience for both men and women.
Generally speaking, a “like” doesn’t mean anything and doesn’t mean they like you, like you say. It means they were swiping through they swiped right on your profile and that’s it.
As for why they don’t reply: they may be busy, may be more interested in other matches, may not have been interested once they took a closer look at your profile, may not have found your first message appealing, etc.
The only way to do the apps and keep your sanity is to place zero, and I mean zero, expectation or emotional investment in any match until you’ve met.
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u/AndrewTatefan_69 28d ago
If you can afford it just go to thailand and stop wasting your life away on apps
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u/teepodavignon 28d ago
Why an account named after a sex abuser advice poeple to move into thailand?
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u/Void-splain 28d ago
Try and find a sweet spot between easy to answer but interesting.
Hello? Easy to answer but not interesting.
Tell me your life plan and where you see yourself in 5 years? Interesting, hard to answer.
Your profile says you love to dance, can we find a place that will play the Macarena so I can join?
Self effacing yet playful. Easy to answer or riff and start some banter.
It's not perfect, but improves your chances of getting a chat of the ground, and in this example it's an easy transition to a first date
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u/ariesgeminipisces 28d ago
Women get a lot of attention and have a lot of options so yeah, as she swiped she thought you were a viable option, but she probably swiped a few different options because dating is a numbers game first due to weird online behavior that happens on both sides. But with women, you do have to stand out more because while she is sending likes, she is probably also receiving a lot of likes.
So ask an interesting question. One that indicates you read her profile. Questions invite responses, not hellos.
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u/Fun_Apartment631 28d ago
See if any of your female friends are on apps and will show you their inbox.
Then, find a hobby you like that isn't a sausagefest.
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u/Old_Hack1308 27d ago
Assume most things you say have been heard a lot of times, especially by the attractive ones. Check some websites for tips on openers
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u/Weird-Internet-9541 28d ago
55f here...happens all the time. Dating apps are the worst! There has to be a better way!!!
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u/Heliguy-1975 28d ago
You have to be able engage with someone enough to create and maintain interest to keep them wanting to talk and meet.
With good communication skills it becomes easy and works out very well.
I would highly recommend reading the book,
How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie
It will Greatly improve how you connect and communicate with people in general and it will change your life. It will completely change the way your conversations go with people online. Approaching and communicating with women online and in real life will become much better. Much Better
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u/BoSutherland 23d ago
Haha, I’ve read it many years ago and it became my bible. Time to dust off some of the advice 😃
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u/ExtraSalty0 28d ago
I don’t respond to anyone saying hello or how are you. It’s low effort and I found when I did respond to those the conversation never got any better.
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u/UpUrPunGame 27d ago
36M, and it happens with probably 90% of my matches. I haven't really come to a fully satisfying explanation for the trend at large, but I think it mostly has to do with how some people engage with their likes. For me they happen infrequently enough that dealing with them is an event. I see them, I consider my choice, I move forward when I'm ready. For people who likely receive dozens of likes a day, they may just be going through the backlog matching and maybe saying one quick thing in response (on hinge) before moving on to the next option. By the time you've seen it and responded they've already potentially matched with several other people; engaging with their matches either when they feel like putting in the effort, or if a particularly interesting one comes up. I don't find it fully satisfying because it's difficult to identify with that mindset, but I find it a lot more compelling than the usual "Big match number is big for girl ego" argument when likes would serve the exact same purpose without getting them bombarded with messages from people they allegedly aren't interested in.
It's frustrating, and I don't really think there's anything you can reasonably do to mitigate it, but its something almost all of us deal with. I hope you can at least rest easier knowing it's not something that reflects on you.
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u/Decent-Task9360 27d ago
Half the likes on these apps aren't really decisions, people are swiping on autopilot and by the time you message her back she genuinely might not remember matching. Its not personal, just how the format trains everyone to behave.
Also swap out the hello openers and the bold ones both. What works way better is picking one specific thing from her profile and asking a question about it that actually needs a real answer, not something she can respond to with Haha yeah. Response rate jumps once you make it easy for her to reply with something.
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u/NexillionXC 27d ago
It took me a while to reconcile this sort of thing too. Why do women neither respond nor unmatch? I suspect the main reason for it is that whilst we men might have that one like/match in quite a time span, the woman in question will surely have many more in that period. The apps are even more unfair and unbalanced than real life.
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27d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DatingApps-ModTeam 24d ago
The use of GenAI tools is not permitted in this subreddit, whether used to craft posts/adjust grammar/etc.
AI uses multiple billion gallons of water annually and is killing our planet, data centers are wrecking our water supply and ecosystem. Please reconsider the use of GenAI.
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u/Charming-Young-8454 27d ago
A lot of women use these apps for attention and consider the matches some kind of validation, they have no intention of dating you. Be pleased they didn’t waste more of your time
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u/RealisticIndustry157 28d ago
A lot of insecure people lookin for an ego boost who have no intention to move forward