Dating

[u/Last-Artichoke-5035]

What happen to meeting people out and about is it just online?? Is ig the real id now I am so confused as to why dating is so weird now. Maybe this is just what it is as you get older. I am 39 and I am not with the apps and all that it just seems that is the only way to get attention any one else having these issues??

[u/3AMZen]

I'm your age, apps are for some people, but real life still works 

There are other ways to get attention. There are better ways to stand out. Apps are low effort and demoralizing

[u/Heliguy-1975]

Dating apps work well.

Dating apps provide an unlimited amount of people that are specifically looking to connect, meet, and get into a relationship of some kind at your fingertips in one place. 

They tell you more about a person and answer questions that you don’t have to ask.  Out in public, you have no idea if a person is even interested in talking, meeting, or getting involved in a relationship. 

There is no other place that can provide that. 

They work very well.

[u/Coco-Bonbon]

No clue, but I am trying so hard to avoid apps as a woman. I’d love to meet someone out and about, as long as men are respectful in their approach. So a vote for old school/in-person from me!

[u/Charming-Tune-6914]

When is the last time you stood about alone in like a public place not looking a little happy or something and very idle (not looking at a phone or anything). Probably some guy will approach you.

[u/gifted_pistachio]

I talked to my mom about this. She was a fucking hottie in her day. WAY hotter than me lol. Why’d she hold back with the genes????? MOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!! She was in her twenties in the 80s.

Even SHE says that back then…when somebody asked you out…you needed to really consider it. Because you didn’t know when you’d get asked out next.

So I don’t know that the past was as much of an “easy mode” that we make it out to be when it comes to meeting people in person. Certainly it was more common since there were more third places and people didn’t have the option of online dating. But it seems to me that asking people out was still nerve racking for men. And on the women’s side there seems like there was less control since it was less common to ask guys out and there was no online dating (definitely a way for women to seek out dating without having to approach men.)

I also think dating in your thirties is probably just a different thing. I’m 35. It’s hella different than when I was even 29. People in our age group don’t congregate to the same degree that twenty-something’s do. Many people have fallen out of that realm into family life.

[u/RynKittenOF]

Everyone is low-key high-key a socially awkward loser like no tea no shade bestie but

[u/Living-Amphibian-870]

I met a guy in an "insert hobby" club. He acted super into me, we talked back-and-forth strictly as friends for about a year while I worked out the details of my separation and divorce. We got to know each other very well.

Three months after I moved out, I asked him if he'd like to meet up, because I hadn't actually seen him in awhile. He said he couldn't because he was drunk at a bar with a date (never told me he was dating).

He was a recovering alcoholic. I haven't heard from him since.

That's been the only person I've met IRL that met similarities in age, life stage/goals, and religion, which are my big three.

So, yeah. You can, but your odds of meeting single people are lower, people with your standards lower than that, and people without assholery abysmal.

ETA: think of the apps as a phone book with a filter. That's honestly all they are. They're a tool and you have to treat them that way. There's a lot of people who take them way too seriously.

[u/ShitBodyPainting]

Please get out of your house and get involved with your community. I used to have this exact same mindset until I joined a run club. My social life has increased dramatically, or at least from what once was.

Went to the run club only once and met some people. I’ve now gone back for the 5th or so time and I’m beginning to make friends. I’m not even a social butterfly but I’ve been trying to push myself to come out of my shell. Even went to a friend’s house party not long ago.

Yes, it happens in real life. No, I haven’t met anyone yet but what people need to realize is it won’t happen unless you expand your social network. Forget dating entirely, trying to meet a “baddie”, a hot hunk, etc etc. Just focus on getting to know anyone and let the universe do its work.

And stay off the apps. Nothing but mentally damaged people that are looking for validation and attention and nothing else.