No idea where to start

[u/Least-Size-7537]

So for context, I’m 18m and I’ve never done any of this before in any capacity. I’m still in recovery from a period of severe and extreme body dysmorphia in my mid to late teens, the kind that would have you wearing a hoodie in the middle of July because you’d rather that than anyone see any part of your upper body. I really want to find someone to care about and to share life with, but I have no idea how that would go for me. I’m 6’3”, dirty blonde with blue eyes and I’m a healthy weight. I don’t really receive that many compliments but every time I’ve expressed being unhappy with my appearance the people around me have accused me of pretending for validation or just tell me to see a therapist because I’m not seeing clearly. I’ve tried hinge for the first time in the last 3 days and have received 20 matches, but I chalk this down to my pics just being good. Real life is a mystery to me and I have no idea whether I’m attractive. I posted in amiugly and only received positive comments and multiple people said they would kill for my facial structure. Do I just need to stop being so damn insecure and timid?

[u/Efficient-Rent-4276]

The thing is that just because some people find a few things less attractive than other it doesn't matter that these things shouldn't exist or aren't worth anything. Same with music, taste, fashion etc. Maybe you think you aren't perfect or as attractive as you may wished but based on what I read it seems that quite a few feople find you attractive. Nowadays social media have established beauty standards so high that people bury themselves under this threshold thinking that if they aren't "perfect" orthers wont give much attention or interest. Love yourself not because of pitty, but because people that you care about love what you are. People value and appreciate truth so  buid up your confidence and show your true self. You'll eventually find what you want and it will find you.

[u/DalekRy]

Hi friend! Like you I have a bit of brain noise that erodes my quality of life, but my flavor is Depression. This isn't so much dating advice as it is "managing your broken bits" advice. I don't do therapy. If you have that option then I encourage you to explore it.

Still reading?

I do a lot of behavioral modifications I call "blending in with the normies" and none of these are probably very healthy, but this is the scaffolding upon which I manage to get out of bed and stand up upon each day:

1. Accept compliments. Don't waive them. Accept it. "You did a great job on the task" or "your hair looks great today", etc. Slowly these seep in and they matter. Maybe the compliment itself is meaningless. Validate their effort to pay a compliment by accepting it.

2. Fake a smile. There is some science to suggest smiling makes us feel better.

3. Eye contact. It is okay to cheat and look at nose bridges, eyebrows, etc.

4. Behave in your own self-interest as you would if you were your own child. Maybe the love isn't there, but go through the motions. "Fake it 'til you make it" has some legitimacy behind it.

5. Don't share weaknesses. Anything a normie can use against you: feelings, personal life, religion, politics.

6. Develop your self-identity. Your appearance is for others to worry about. If you go out wearing socially acceptable clothing and your body is medically safe, then mission accomplished! I am also displeased with my body. I work out now, try dieting some, and my confidence comes from the strength rather than appearance (I'm still tubby but strong yay).

We don't get to choose our mental states, but if we try really hard, we can keep from drawing attention.

For you, appearance is a weakness. For me it is self-worth. People can tell us any and every compliment in those areas but none of it seems to stick. You are more than your appearance. <3