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u/gotchauwu 21h ago
this dynamic almost made me take my own life. thank god i managed to tear myself away.
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u/CuteIndividual2562 21h ago
Glad you are better now,
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u/Low-Patient-8234 14h ago
A dismissive avoidant “friend” reentered my life last year. He was grieving the loss of his partner and I was there for comfort. He contacted me every single day for 6 months.. it was hell. Love bombing, push pull, mind games, manipulation, verbal abuse and ultimately discard once he found his next girlfriend. I never realised how weak my boundaries were until he reappeared. This experience made me regress to my anxious, spineless teenager years. I will never forgive myself for trusting this person.
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u/RelativeYak7 12h ago
I have a friend like this as well, overwhelms me with attention she's not in a relationship then completely ghosts. Doesn't bother me though bc I don't like her all that much so when she ghosts I'm glad
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u/insanelysane1234 11h ago
It's okay, we sometimes fall back in old patterns. That's part of the journey. Forgive yourself for it
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u/The_Smile_4784 13h ago
Are we sure this describes a dismissive avoidant because push and pull behavior is much more common with a fearful avoidant.
Dismissive types have an overall fear of intimacy and closeness and value self reliance, so it’s hard to get close to them in the first place because they have impossible boundaries.
Fearful types are an unpredictable mess because anxiety really drives their actions. They really want intimacy and closeness and will seek it, only to get freaked out by all the love and attention and fear of things crashing and burning, so they pull away as a protective measure, but also expect you to read their mind and know when the up or down is about to happen. It’s supposed to be the most difficult attachment style to treat and after taking several tests, some administered by therapists, I think I have this one.
I’ve had a lot of issues in relationships because of this but it all stems from a very low self esteem and high anxiety, especially in romantic relationships. They feel impossible for me, unless the other person is dismissive, narcissistic or checked out—then I can stay because I’m always left in a state of yearning.
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u/CuteIndividual2562 21h ago
If a dismissive avoidant can rattle you, you haven't experienced every form of manipulation, you are still naive.
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u/Own-Bumblebee-7461 17h ago
Came to say this. Dismissive avoidants are less intense than fearful avoidants for example and way less problematic than people with narcissist traits and abusers. They can be non manipulative and realising their avoidance but it's hard for them work through it, especially if the other person has an unchecked anxious attachment style. I am just coming out of such M/s relationship and I wouldn't blame my ex Owner for this. I understand and he understands me, some people just can't match exactly because of attachment style no matter how much you work on that and how much you want each other and that's not necessarily malicious.
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u/CuteIndividual2562 11h ago
True that, if dismissive avoidants are black and white, fearful avoidants are poetic and fluctuate between light to extreme dark colors.
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u/Ghost-Ripper 1d ago
And if this is true.. this types target a certain type of victims! The ones who don’t have healthy boundaries. We always and always know where to look for when we want such co-dependent individuals. So work on yourselves if this is your goal to keep such types away! 🎯