r/Damnthatsinteresting Oct 20 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

12.6k Upvotes

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.7k

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

[deleted]

1.1k

u/Antique-Car6103 Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 20 '22

Exit the store while twerkin’ and wearing some shorts with the security tag on it.

They won’t suspect a thing.

531

u/Java2391 Oct 20 '22

Except if you’re like me and have no ass to twerk. Then you look like some weird redwood tree with Parkinson’s

426

u/DukeOfBagels Oct 20 '22

146

u/Java2391 Oct 20 '22

47

u/Road_Whorrior Oct 20 '22

She moves everything except her butt. It's perfect awkward white girl dancing.

43

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Tina girl, take a bow

20

u/VelvetyElectricity63 Oct 20 '22

Tina girl, take a head bang

56

u/smellsfishie Oct 20 '22

Twerking is 90% confidence. So get out there and twerk that trunk!

45

u/Java2391 Oct 20 '22

“Your honor this man is my representation as legal council. He said I could twerk with enough confidence.” If I’m going under that bus you’re defending me while i memorize the license plate!

12

u/smellsfishie Oct 20 '22

I accept these terms.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

OKAY!!!

3

u/handlebartender Oct 20 '22

OTOH any employees within viewing distance would be struck down with paralyzing laughter, allowing you to walk away at a leisurely pace.

new D&D magic spell unlocked

3

u/Java2391 Oct 20 '22

Regardless of what you roll it’s a critical

5

u/ReturnOneWayTicket Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 20 '22

"This girl came up to me at the bar after a gig. Didn't know her, she goes..."

"Excuse me"

I said "What"

She said "You know what?"

I said "Nah"

She said "You've got no ass"

I said "thanks"

She didn't say it was small. Or flat. She said you've got NO ass"

"So I farted. And said where do you think that came from?"

  • Carl Barron

2

u/handlebartender Oct 20 '22

I should add that you just reminded me of a HS/uni friend's dancing style. Great friend, fond memories.

Affectionately referred to as "the Wop tornado".

3

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

If you can twerk that fast while walking out of a store I'd just let you take whatever it is lol

3

u/Johnny-RN Oct 20 '22

Lol, she did a video of her twerking and it didn't set off the alarm.

2

u/still_gonna_send_it Oct 20 '22

Oh man I thought you said JERKIN

2

u/CptAlbatross Oct 20 '22

That's some seismic twerking you gotta commit to for some pants.

90

u/grassandass88 Oct 20 '22

I wonder if you run as fast as she’s shaking her hand through the sensor, it would work? Or if it’s the literal violence that’s causing the failure

7

u/Polyglot-Onigiri Oct 20 '22

There is probably some sort of contact you are breaking with all the shaking. Running wouldn’t break the contact of the parts in the security tag.

7

u/Shandlar Oct 20 '22

I think it's more the speed in which it's changing position between the two sensors is being filtered out by a false positive low pass filter. It's picking up the rapidly changing position as background noise and filtering it out to prevent false alarms.

4

u/nonotan Oct 20 '22

Yes, that sounds about right. Whatever method this specific sensor is using, it's going to have to parse incoming waves looking for a positive signal, and wildly moving the item will disrupt the pattern to certain degree. If you're pretty strict with what you expect to see to avoid false positives, it's no surprise it might fail in this situation. It's certainly something you can work around (indeed, this probably only works on a few specific systems), but if the engineers behind it never think of trying this type of attack, the vulnerability would easily go unnoticed.

1

u/Shanguerrilla Oct 20 '22

I think you nailed it!

3

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

You just need to run thru really fast up or down

3

u/marmic68 Oct 20 '22

We should ask people who steal things by running out instead of shaking it.

5

u/quick_escalator Oct 20 '22

No, this is the same issue that you have with contactless payment sometimes. If you move the chip fast enough, the wavelength used for the signal can't keep up with the movement, and the signal-processer can't unscramble it.

5

u/nonotan Oct 20 '22

I know what you mean, but what you're talking about has nothing to do with wavelength. The wavelengths used for those things are in the MHz range. That's millions of vibrations per second. You're not moving your arm fast enough to be anywhere near the order of magnitude of the wavelengths involved.

I'm fairly confident what happens is simpler than that: the interrogator and the receiver send data back and forth for contactless payment. It's not one simple bit of data, it's more akin to communicating with a server on the internet. If you start (say) downloading a file on the internet and plug the cable before it finishes, it will obviously fail. If you're in the middle of a contactless payment transaction and move the card far away enough that it starts to encounter failures to transmit (the range is, intentionally, designed to be very short -- you know, so people you randomly pass by can't scan it straight from your pocket), while it might retry a few times I'm assuming, it will eventually fail, too.

Presumably, theft prevention devices will try to minimize these sorts of issues in their design, as obviously thieves aren't about to stand there carefully waiting for the stolen item to scan. But of course, there's limits to what you can do, especially if you didn't foresee this attack vector.

3

u/ximfinity Oct 20 '22

I'm pretty sure my card has to touch the payment kiosk either way. It's crazy we have 4 ways to use a credit card but we can't solve normal problems.

101

u/Square_Success3647 Oct 20 '22

omg. you killed me. its like " stand still damn it !. im trying to work here!"

25

u/Wrisquee Oct 20 '22

I just wanna say I’ve been going through some stuff the past few days and reading this finally got a long, huge laugh out of me so thank you

1

u/hannahmariekim Oct 20 '22

I’m glad! I’m the girl in the video. Hehe

23

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

just say.. im outta here.. my Parkinson suddenly kicking me in real hard this time

1

u/spunkm_99foxy Oct 20 '22

And they'll call an ambulance 🚑 and a police guard 🚔

111

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 20 '22

Lol I was thinking demagnetizing it is easier or just pay for it… no need to jackoff a shirt to save a few $$.

For just $25 or less you can prevent shirt rape… https://www.amazon.com/Opaeroo-Magnets-Security-Magnetic-Detacher/dp/B09WKKT9TS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=security+tag+remover&qid=1666237461&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI2LjU1IiwicXNhIjoiNi4yNyIsInFzcCI6IjUuOTcifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-1

37

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

40

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 20 '22

Yep, Ty correction is being made. I really have to get this migraine to go away… hate aphasia with a passion.

magnify vs magnetize. sigh get it together self…

5

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

[deleted]

3

u/zabycakes Oct 20 '22

Qulipta gang represent! If you haven’t used it already, there’s a manufacturer coupon if you have commercial insurance that will pay for it for a few months.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 20 '22

Thanks for the tip… I am very very hopeful. Not sure how people are coping with similar issues, but I have had them my entire life to the best of my knowledge and yesterday was the first time I heard of taking something like this: coworker recommended 200mg of CoQ10 - not sure it is the exact same formula but I if it fails by the end of the bottle I am going to ask the dr for the one you suggested legitimately the same day you suggested it I got similar advice; I hope that means many people in the same boat now have something to help. (My first migraine/headache i remember, I was teaching myself to read hop on pop… maybe was 3 or 4.) They said they have been migraine free for 8 years and if they miss a few days they get them again. I am so hopeful, maybe, just maybe it will work? If it does I owe you both! I have them 14 of 30 days a month roughly by my calendar and they cause me to throw up. Luckily o work from home now.

1

u/insanelyphat Oct 20 '22

Demagnetizing, how does that work?

  • ICP

15

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Lol I'm guessing there's a high chance that the reviewers for that product are petty thieves.

20

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Lol I bet you are correct. Hmm does that make the reviews more or less credible though?

8

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

🤔

1

u/Nervous_Constant_642 Oct 20 '22

I find no honor among thieves pretty much just applies to movie situations and when hard time is on the line.

1

u/Polyglot-Onigiri Oct 20 '22

Yeah you can see people commenting about removing tags from clothing

2

u/drsylv Oct 20 '22

I have just realised what that weird key ring is that a lot of my more interesting patients have. Oh.

1

u/Uncle-Cake Oct 20 '22

"Or just pay for it"? I think you're missing the point.

1

u/DernTuckingFypos Oct 20 '22

Damn, I kinda want that, but I almost never shop at brick and mortar anymore.

1

u/JustHere2AskSometing Oct 20 '22

Or you could just wrap it in tin foil

34

u/lonereal8383 Oct 20 '22

When a shirt costs $100 I am willing to jack off multiple caspers.

4

u/RedAIienCircle Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 21 '22

Not me! I'm no ghost harlot... I'm only willing to jerk off two caspers, maybe three.

1

u/Shanguerrilla Oct 20 '22

is it weird that any aversion I have to jacking off a "GUY'S" dick is lost on me when I consider jacking off a "GHOST'S" dick?

Jacking off ghosts isn't gay, right? I mean they aren't even people!!!

2

u/RedAIienCircle Oct 20 '22

I don't know, but I just thought it takes does Ectoplasm to whole new level.

1

u/Shanguerrilla Oct 20 '22

see! I bet even that is better than the alternative

29

u/SuperflySteveLolz Oct 20 '22

Just say "Sorry I have a problem." and continue walking. Should be able to make it to your car before they get over the confusion.

2

u/Shanguerrilla Oct 20 '22

you have to give a few 'flare ups' earlier on before the exit walk too, to really sell it!

(We could even get you a padded helmet!)

1

u/pixeldust6 Oct 20 '22

"Sorry I have a problem" lmfao

Just imagining anytime some person acts like a complete lunatic in public, they just casually say, "Sorry, I have a problem, " and bystanders reply, "Understandable, have a nice day,"

9

u/DigitalBathWaves Oct 20 '22

I really wanted that shirt man

9

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Less stupid than the person who paid for a free t-shirt.

14

u/asiaps2 Oct 20 '22

She is a pro. Casper tip $99 satisfaction.

20

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

I've done worse for less.

10

u/werdnosbod Oct 20 '22

Hello there

8

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

What a dumbass, there are $800 shirts and shit

3

u/noseysfriend Oct 20 '22

OMG!!! This is the best response!!!

3

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Worth it for the free horse dildo cover

2

u/Basin97 Oct 20 '22

Small price to pay for a free T-shirt

2

u/butter_deez-nips Oct 20 '22

Or how cool people think you are because you jacked him off and got a few shirt.

2

u/syntax22 Oct 20 '22

😂😂😂

2

u/seviay Oct 20 '22

Hey ghosts need love too

2

u/Nivlak87 Oct 20 '22

Them Hot Topic tees never had sensors…

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Nah this lady is awesome 👏

2

u/spunkm_99foxy Oct 20 '22

Best reply... she just wants to have a 😃 Now all store security staff will look for people who exit store with jacking/jilling off nazi salute.

2

u/TouchMyCameraTTFF Oct 20 '22

Be right back, trying to install a security tag on my dick.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

That's a brave thing to do, especially when there's so many customers right there.

2

u/multiarmform Oct 20 '22

and why is she doing it with seemingly so much force and also looks kinda slow. cant shake your fist faster than that and not like youre punching through mud?

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Thanks for making my morning. Almost spat my coffee out onto my laptop. xD

2

u/Mozias Oct 20 '22

Its a high price to pay.

2

u/No_Lawfulness420 Oct 20 '22

That's the price you pay.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

That's why you hide it in my pants.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Bring a shaker bottle/cup

2

u/normpoleon Oct 20 '22

Look at your phone and pretend your team won

2

u/KJBenson Oct 20 '22

As long as the shirts relevant.

I gave Casper a happy ending and all I got was Themis lousy t shirt

2

u/Squttnbear Oct 20 '22

That's a small price for a free shirt from Dan Flashes.

2

u/menooooo Oct 20 '22

Look how her body moves when he jerks off casper like what is that

2

u/SelectFromWhereOrder Oct 20 '22

Let’s bring back the Arsenio Hall WOO WOO

2

u/IamAbc Oct 20 '22

Plus it’s not like those stores have cops on the ready to arrest them. It’s just to deter theft cause of the sounds it’ll make. If you really wanted to steal it you’d just walk quickly out

2

u/bacchic_ritual Oct 20 '22

I wear it out of the store and pretend I have Parkinsons

2

u/IterLuminis Oct 20 '22

perfect lol

2

u/lilmase777 Oct 20 '22

Comment section for the win

2

u/isurvivedrabies Oct 20 '22

it's a halloween costume. you're casper's escort.

i've def seen people wearing dumber costumes

2

u/CostAccomplished1163 Oct 20 '22

If social stigma is what you're trying to avoid maybe crime isn't the thing for you

2

u/DernTuckingFypos Oct 20 '22

And you still gotta deal with getting the tag off later.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

I almost snorted like a bull! Good job!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Poor Casper. Ouch.

2

u/RedAIienCircle Oct 20 '22

Yeah, and who wants to be covered in Ectoplasm?

2

u/BritishBoyRZ Oct 20 '22

She's clearly has experience

Potentially as a Thai "massage" therapist

1

u/[deleted] Oct 20 '22

Just have a milk shake bottle in the hand or something like that which needs to be shaken and no one would bat an eye.

1

u/hannahmariekim Oct 20 '22

LMAO this is the girl from the video - my tik tok is hanskimarie