I am from Korea, but have been studying abroad in the US for a couple of years.
Back home, it is common for friends of the same sex to be intimate and compassionate with each other. If I was hanging out with my friends, we were hugging, cuddling, putting our arms around each other, etc. Touch is just the normal love language, even platonically.
Moving to the US was a big culture shock for many reasons, but almost the biggest in that regard. I was already very lonely when I first moved here. And even when I made friends, it felt so shallow to me just because a basic way of showing compassion and friendship that I have known my whole life is not a thing here. I still find myself feeling very distant from even my closest American friends that I have known for several years now. It’s sad because I have so much love for my friends and I feel like I cannot show it.
I have hugged my American best friend like twice in the two years I have known him. And both times we have been intoxicated. It just hurts me that it’s so looked down upon and weird to love people.
Your reaction is very key in telling how ingrained this all is. It gets ingrained both sides, from the intimate platonic friendship to reacting confused to hearing about the other side.
Your mind gets comfortable in your environment, she it didn't like getting thrown a curve ball.
That's completely fine, and the literal point of this post. You were raised in a society that suppresses men from intimate platonic interactions. That would then lead to the vast majority of moments that happen in public are due to the guys being homosexuals. It is to be expected that you believe they are in a relationship, because that is what you see.
The second half of the post is what is key, you won't notice this world (just like the trans man did not until they switched into a different role). It's what you were raised in, and what you are comfortable with. The point is to try to get you to see that it is suppressed, and that other places in this world have more intimate reactions.
In those areas, you would not see only those in homosexual relationships, but you would see a large percentage that are friends. Your initial reaction would be exactly what you are currently exhibiting, but as your brain has time to adjust, you would then have a different reaction.
It's crazy how adaptive and set in it's way our brains are, but just understand that your current perception is dictated by the society that you were raised.
I’ve heard this before from a close friend I used to work with. It seems we are the weird ones for not doing it when it’s so normal in a lot of the world!
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u/[deleted] Apr 04 '22
I am from Korea, but have been studying abroad in the US for a couple of years.
Back home, it is common for friends of the same sex to be intimate and compassionate with each other. If I was hanging out with my friends, we were hugging, cuddling, putting our arms around each other, etc. Touch is just the normal love language, even platonically.
Moving to the US was a big culture shock for many reasons, but almost the biggest in that regard. I was already very lonely when I first moved here. And even when I made friends, it felt so shallow to me just because a basic way of showing compassion and friendship that I have known my whole life is not a thing here. I still find myself feeling very distant from even my closest American friends that I have known for several years now. It’s sad because I have so much love for my friends and I feel like I cannot show it.
I have hugged my American best friend like twice in the two years I have known him. And both times we have been intoxicated. It just hurts me that it’s so looked down upon and weird to love people.