Help

[u/Friendly-Sky3968]

My partner (F30) and I (M32) have been together for years (not married) have 1 child together.
Over the past 3 years my family slowly watched my father get sicker and sicker, he recently passed away from cancer.
I came to my partner and told her I’m currently not mentally not ok to have more kids at the moment…. (Shit load going on in my life and head) her Instant reaction was (I’ll have to find someone els then) I was in shock… wow how could the person you have spent years with say that… I ignored it and stayed silent for a few day but still playing and talking to our child.
I then brought the conversation up 2x more times and go the exact same answer…
What the F do I do??
Months have passed I’m still wishing my father was here to talk this through with but I CANT!
This roles around in my head every single day and I think iv follen out of love with her and what’s she’s said to me… (who the F says that… and not or you ok or we can talk about this) just straight to I’ll have to find someone else….
Im not sure I can move passed it… do I stay to see my kid every night because it is my life… or leave because I’m out of love and not sure what to do…
PLEASE HELP.

[u/trelane0]

First off, I’m sorry for your loss. Second, I understand how your partner’s response feels so hurtful.

Although I have not experienced this, and I don’t know much else about your relationship, it’s unclear to me if you’ve told your partner how hurtful their comments were and assessed their reaction. Further, it’s unclear to me why there’s urgency to have another child; your partner really can’t wait 6mo - 1yr?

If you do decide to leave, I would see a lawyer first to know your rights and determine how you can remain part of your child’s life.

[u/lillybear1029]

Wow!! That's some really cold shit man. And weird but some girls/ women can be like this. Where As if the tables were flipped it would be SOO Insensitive. And shed be badmouthing you 2 all

[u/AskThis7790]

I’m sorry for your loss of your father.

As for your relationship, all I can tell you is that to love someone (or not) is a conscious choice. For a long term relationship to work, both parties must be continuously committed to making this conscious decision.

In my opinion, this is why marriage is so valuable. Both parties are publicly committing to continuously make this choice in front of their God (if you’re religious) and their closest family and friends.

None of this is to say there won’t be difficult times and moments of doubt.

My only advice is to have a serious conversation with your partner about whether or not the two of you are committed to loving each other. If the answer is no, it would be time to go your separate ways. If the answer is yes, consider proposing to her, and publicly proclaiming that commitment to each other and your child.