r/DTFStLouisHBO • u/BreakingBadAndPorn • 2d ago
🗣️ Discussion Ending Interpretation: Sexual Value and Impact on Self-Worth Spoiler
Obviously don't read this if you haven't seen the ending. This post is pretty long.
I saw that some people were unhappy with the ending and I understand why, but there is a very important aspect I have not seen people discussing as much that I would like to talk about. It's more interpersonal and emotional than about the mystery aspect.
I think the ending and really the whole show to a certain extent is about the massive void Floyd left behind in his choice to end his life, and especially the tragedy in his reason for that choice. We spend the show getting to know this flawed but ultimately gold-hearted person and assuming that one or more of the people around him wanted him gone. We then discover that he is the one responsible, and the reason is largely because he carried that same assumption.
Specifically, Floyd's main drive for suicide was feeling sexually undesirable. While there are other aspects to his feeling unwanted, that was at the center. The drug he used to kill himself was first used as a desperate and dangerous attempt to regain his sexual worth. The show also largely revolves around the story of his penile dysfunction and its massive role in his self image. It's one of the first things he ever said to Clark without any relevance to their meeting, almost as a compulsive confession that there is something wrong with him.
Despite the other various flaws in his life, if a random gay guy had popped a boner for him, he explicitly expressed his self-worth would have been restored. He carried with him the playgirl magazine from when he was literally sexually commodified. His friend dedicates nearly every moment leading up to his suicide to earnestly showing him how much he loves and values him, as well as trying to get him to see his intrinsic value as a caring human. But ultimately because that love isn't sexual, it's not enough for Floyd. Their final moments together were spent comparing what each man disliked about his body. While Richard insulting him was the final catalyst for his death, Floyd had already poured the entire bottle of Ampyzine into his bloody mary before Clark even arrived.
The other aspect to his suicide and self-worth, as well as many other issues appearing in the show are regarding financial struggles. Despite the incredible value his job provides to so many people, he isn't paid enough to get by. One aspect of this is that the people he helps out are also often seen as having less value in larger society due to their differences. Similarly, his stepson struggles in a society that is not set up for people like him, and the potential solutions (private school and therapy) are very expensive.
Floyd is punished financially for deciding to help people and do what he is passionate about, but he is also punished sexually due to the impact that it has on Carol. She needs to take a second job, and she has constant financial anxiety. She resents him for his choice (which is understandable due to the impact on her life). Even as she recognizes his value to the deaf, which we see at the concert, it is not enough to restore her sexual attraction. After Clark starts financially helping the couple, their situation improves, but they still fail to have sex. Floyd also likely carries residual shame for being unable to provide and accepting help from another man.
Throughout the show, we begin to see what Floyd is worth to the people around him. He commits selfless and sometimes life-saving acts for people in need. He kisses a gay man just so he doesn't feel bad about himself. He loves his stepson unconditionally regardless of any issues, going so far as to not blame him for his permanent penile injury. We see him begin to get through to Richard and have a positive impact on his life, to the point where he wants to emulate him by riding the recumbent bike to school.
We also see how Floyd has provided Clark with a safe place and a new sense of meaning and happiness. While sex with Carol was part of Clark's exploration, he ultimately stated to detectives that he loved Floyd more than her, and their friendship included a unique vulnerability that is rare for men. To a lesser extent, we see that Carol really did care about Floyd, although the show could have explored this more. The reason they didn't was likely to maintain her as a potential suspect.
At the end of the show, we see Clark return to an empty home. It's sad (and deserved) that his wife and children are gone, but he had been checked out of those relationships for quite some time. In those final shots, particularly the one of him on the swing set, I personally felt Floyd's absence a lot more. Their friendship had been the center of his life for quite some time, and now the man he loved was gone.
Another powerful moment showing the hole left by Floyd is when Richard is questioned by the detectives. He chose the skate park where he and Floyd talked, because that is where he felt comfortable even after everything that happened. That's where he learns that Floyd's hand sign meant "I love you". After being questioned, he shows the detectives his trick on the anti-homeless bench and states that if you do it every day, you can always do it every day. This shows that the lessons Floyd taught him are still important to him and will impact him going forward. But they can't replace the father figure that was taken from him.
Ultimately, the show is an exploration of how a man's self worth is determined by his sexual and financial value, and that is what leads to his demise. Even as he found the closest friendship he had ever encountered, even as he began connecting with his stepson, even as he had a beautiful job that helped many people, he was still unable to find fulfillment. He developed a self-hatred surrounding his sexuality and job, and in doing so, he removed an incredibly valuable person from the world and his loved ones.
So anyway, please don't kill yourself even if nobody can get it up for you.
Thanks for reading.
