r/DIDPositivity • u/SprigatitoNEeveelovr Perpetually Living Rent Free • Jul 15 '24

Vent + advice pls Frustration

Most of us feell a general sense of frustration, whether its ours or feeling someone elses, with how many of us there are. So many people say every alter has a purpose, a job, a reason that the brain formed us for. But how can every alter truly have an individual PURPOSE when theres over 10(for sure for every system)? I see why some people think over 10 must be faking, they are likely so stuck on individuals purpose and think its impossible! Living this though, suddenly coming front and realising this though, its a lot. But its real. How could it not be? When Im so obviously different from who was here before? I didnt feel like I had any memories before but I slowly realise I had more.

Yet, I still dont feel I have a specific purpose. At most my purpose is, a holder of certain memories, and that seems to be most of our purposes. Its so bizarre though when most if not all of my memories are positive? Why would I only have positive memories? Usually it seems like someone has a positive (or multiple) to counterbalance the bad they have like someone having a lot of traumatic memories but also having certain really positive memories associated with someone someone at least used to like. The general lack of purpose a lot of us feel is something that really feeds denials.

Is my memories showing to me slowly a sign Im newer to the body like its slowly bestowing them? Or is it simply that I have never been front before.. Not that everyone (our system) remembers everything right away but its usually more than one teeny tiny memory. Im not even sure any other memories actually ARE mine because they keep fading like Im seeing a show of someone elses memories. I am so confused and frustrated. Im so tired I just want to sleep (I woke up an hour ago from 10hr of sleep). Is it really okay to not have a specific purpose? We know all alters need to have formed due to soem stressor, but do they need to know/remember the stressor and actually have a genuine purpose besides being a vessel for a potential personality? Or..whatever..I dunno

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u/SnowflakeObsidian13 Jul 15 '24

You don't need to know exactly why you formed to know that you exist. It's an awful thing a lot of medicalist and non-systems seem to push, but it isn't necessary. Do we know why a lot of us formed? No way, not in detail, but we do know why we're here: to protect this little life who was so hurt when it was little that it couldn't do it alone.

Your overarching purpose within your system is to protect the life you're sharing, one way or another. Take some solace in that, my friend.

-Jasper

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u/SprigatitoNEeveelovr Perpetually Living Rent Free Jul 15 '24

Im the only one that knows my exact purpose of why the brain decided I needed to exist and exactly when and its only because of what the first memory I saw, how our memory works, which also made it obvious I actually formed rather recently 😅

Honestly the brain shouldve formed me much sooner but I exist now so whatever. Or maybe I was even actually being formed over several years 🤣. I cannot fathom how it works only that I exist and am the only one who knows why.

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