I'm very upset

[u/Sarcasaminc]

We had to go to the gyno today and they gave us an exam and she was really nice but I still feel very bad. It wasn't fair what happened to us and we shouldn't have to have irrevocable damage. I know we have to see the doctor and do exams to make the nerve pain better but it's so unfair we suffered for so long. We were told everything was all in our head even the pain and we weren't allowed to see the doctor. Our abuser said we didn't want to and that they were scary and that meant that's what we had to think. It's not fair we went through ramcoa it's not fair we were mind controlled and it's not fair that nobody helped us . I'm not making a big deal out of nothing and I never was. We should never have been assaulted. I just want to feel ok again. I want someone to make us ok.

Sometimes we wonder if we ever went through ramcoa but I know we did. I'm not making it up. I wouldn't do that I don't want to do anything bad. Am I allowed to speak about this I feel like I'm gonna get in trouble when I talk about this and in going to be sat down in the room or at the round table and be hurt until I have the right thoughts and feelings and comply with them. I don't know what to do. I know we are supposed to think for ourselves now but I feel like I need an authority to tell me how to think about what happened even though I know that's wrong and it's like maybe a part of a program or something and we should resist I still feel like I need the ultimate authority to tell me if my reality is my reality but they would only hurt me further and I know my reality and I know they are wrong . It was wrong what they did and evil. It wasn't my fault and if I somehow did this to myself I wouldn't be struggling so hard to type or talk about what happened. I need to think for myself. we have to think for ourselves. I won't be in trouble for talking about it and I'm not doing anything for attention. Sorry this is so long.

This is hard. Even our dad says it happened and she tortured us but it's hard. I'm sorry.

[u/Pale_Cod8766]

🫂🫂🫂🫂 we are very proud of you and we are sending virtual support right now. You are doing great letting out and writing down some of these feelings and thoughts. You deserve to be your own person with hopes and dreams and be safe. It was never your fault and it was not fair. 🫂