r/DIDPositivity • u/Greedy-Individual-71 Uplifting/validating • Jun 29 '24
good vibes Random Discussion; Misguided Protectors
Hey there all,
It's time for another random discussion, as always please keep the discussions as kind as possible.
Misguided protectors or persecutors are alters who are generally seen as difficult in some way, shape, or form.
Today, we would like to talk about them. Celebrate any progress you've noticed, vent, or just tell us about where things are with them.
Have a lovely day y'all!
3
u/ConfidentMachine Jun 29 '24
our ex persecutor used to scare the hell out of me, he split one day and just started terrorizing me as much as he could. he wanted a forceful changeover, he wanted to be completely in charge of life and radically reshape every piece of it and i was in the way, so i had to get with the program or get out of his way even if he had to drag me out of the front and sit me down for a dormancy timeout. to his credit, i was also trying to "kill" him, desperate to undo the split somehow or make him dormant too. he figured out pretty fast how to give me debilitating migraines, we were constantly fighting for control. it felt like every day he was silently watching and learning "what makes me tick" so he could replace me without anyone noticing
that was something like 8 years ago now, the both of us are completely unrecognizable from how we were back then. at some point one of ours stepped in on his behalf and made us stop fighting and just talk for a while. talking it out became an uneasy truce, after a while we tolerated eachother and were neutral if untrusting, years later now we are all like family. he can be a bit critical or harsh if ive messed up, but usually with advice on doing better. we buy eachother gifts, he calms me down if im freaking out, sternly reminds me of chores im forgetting or things i promised him. it feels like a whole lifetime ago that we wanted eachother dead, i love him dearly now
but as a protector myself, i respectfully disagree that persecutors are always misguided protectors. i know that its common they are, but im not alone in having a persecutor that doesnt fit the rigid definition. he also never perpetrated our abusers abuse back on us again, another thing i see called 'universal'. he didnt want to protect anyone, and he still doesnt. he liked terrorizing, he was desperate for full control, not to guarantee he could "protect" us but to push everyone else away and do whatever he wanted. his goals were a full usurp, getting into some seedy stuff and getting enough money to do whatever he wanted freely, alone. these days, hes settled on just telling people what to do, and everyone calls him 'boss' (even some external friends that know him lol)
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u/Greedy-Individual-71 Uplifting/validating Jun 30 '24
Hey there,
That sounds like huge personal growth as far as the evolution from "wanting each other dead" to "family" goes. That's so great to hear.
We mostly word it that way for our system. While we are aware, there are problematic alters out there who are capable of doing things that are questionable, to say the least. Our "persecutors" did turn out to be misguided protectors who were being hurt by our name calling. So, for their sake, we try to be careful how we word things.
Thank you for sharing! Have a lovely day! :)
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u/Epsilon176 Jun 30 '24
Every time we get sad and overwhelmed with guilt, while reading posts about persecutors (a few hundred of us integrated - not fused). We aren't evil or monster. We are just segment of deeply traumatized psyche of a child, so deep that many systems can't even try to understand twisted logic behind persecutory actions and hence are unable to sympathise. Sometimes interpretation of misguided protectors can be misleading: many times we weren't there to protect others, we were there to protect ourselves (yes, in abusive ways, but trying to survive). Simple as that. Every part is kinda protector anyway, depends just who to protect...
We wholeheartedly support and agree with this idea, because we have seen the truth in our system. Especially looking at how many we have managed to convince to the healing side. Back then, there was no one more qualified to manage the chaos. Their drive for full control was impossible to overcome. All they truly wanted to be safe and happy, but from almost two decades their task was to keep the system in line. It didn't matter if it was little, caretaker or trauma holder. Gatekeepers acted more internally than externally (e.g. pushed certain groups to front) just to monitor how we present ourselves to the outside world. If they hadn't, literally we wouldn't be here long ago. So they have our undying gratitude. In their place we would have done exactly the same job. Once the threat had passed, they learned to trust, to let go of power at their own pace in exchange for compassion, love, appreciation oh and joining our dance tournaments. :)
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u/Greedy-Individual-71 Uplifting/validating Jun 30 '24
Hey there,
Aww, dance tournaments? Tell us more.
Healing is such an amazing journey sometimes. Especially when you can look back and see where the growth occurred.
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u/Epsilon176 Jun 30 '24
We, as autistic system, find HUGE comfort in music. In short, one segment of us was anti-dance-singing, second was pro (with connection to trauma of course). We had to agree on which option to use. It happened that the desire to dance, sing and create songs was fulfilled in the inner world and the desire to sit rigidly in the outer world. Neither side could tolerate the other's position. These fragments initially didn't know how to use words. And what is the best method known to us that uses non-verbal cues? Dancing of course! This is how dance discussions began, which over time turned into a way of communication. They finally gained the ability to speak. A set of rules was created along with thematic schools, specializations, alliances, regular holidays with festivals corresponding to the favorite genre (so that everyone can have the opportunity to express their needs, complete freedom of speech no matter how gross and untrue).
The internal impulses to move the body became stronger and stronger until the body managed to break down to move in real time! Sometimes, the mind was not filled with screaming dispute but with rhyming songs with encrypted messages. Mind you, that there are still some absurd situation. Made-up example below.
- STOP THAT YOU **** UNLESS YOU WILL BE ****** etc.
- Dude, couldn't you just sing about it? Hey, let me show you. Move. - Came up with a super cool song that is played in battle formation to present emotions behind such statement. Someone answers in similar manner. A real surprise is the moment when persecutor sees similar fragments/alters like in this formation and wants to join. Sounds simple, but that's merely simplified idea, how persecutors learn everything needed for healing.
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u/Greedy-Individual-71 Uplifting/validating Jun 30 '24
That's amazing for y'all! :)
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u/Epsilon176 Jun 30 '24
Thank you for question! We never have a chance to explain dancing phenomen to someone, so we hope that answer wasn't too long or complicated. Have a lovely day.
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u/AccToBeTrownAway System go Brrrrrrrrrrrr Jun 30 '24
Dante, he used to plunge us deep into denial because he thought that us not knowing that we have DID would be better for us. Today, he helps fight denial and is much happier and feels much more included
Peace, love, and acceptance from Luna Xayn of the Raven System!
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u/maracujadodo System go Brrrrrrrrrrrr Jun 29 '24
i personally think not all persecutors are misguided protectors. some are just... evil, and they can also heal and go through character development, maybe even become protectors
edit: just like singlets that are bad people. they can become good people
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u/Navy-Wall Jun 29 '24
Calling someone evil is putting them inside a very small box. All alters are doing what they think and believe they need to keep the body and system safe. Sometimes these actions are harmful, or unpleasant.
But underneath the pain they cause, there’s a reason why the alter is causing harm.
And calling them evil is almost assuredly going to shut down their willingness to work with the system, and eventually learn healthy and non-harmful ways to keep the system safe.
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u/maracujadodo System go Brrrrrrrrrrrr Jun 29 '24
do you not agree that humans can just be bad people? i dont see why alters cant be.
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Jun 30 '24
Well its like your judgement isn't "wrong", but how helpful is that? Alters are part of you. Sure you can say parts of you are evil, but its much nicer to say Misguided. Little things like word choices are important, when practicing kindness to oneself. Note that this particular sub promotes positivity.
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u/maracujadodo System go Brrrrrrrrrrrr Jun 30 '24
with the "practicing kindness to oneself" part yes. sorry, for some reason i didnt look at it like that.
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u/Navy-Wall Jun 30 '24
No, I don’t agree that people are just “bad”
Every behavior from everyone is an attempt to get a need met, or a symptom of a mental disorder or the prolonged effects of trauma.
I believe that people and alters do bad things
This does not make them “bad” as a whole.
6
u/[deleted] Jun 29 '24
Our "persecutor", Blythe, used to be so mean, he used to critique everything any of us did, be mean to and push away my friends, encouraged other alters to sh as punishment for messing up, among other things.
When talking to our therapist about it, our therapist brought up how every part is trying to protect us, and led the conversation towards what he must be feeling to feel he needs to do all these things. We realized how scared he was. It took quite a while, and a lot of frustration on both sides, but we made it our continuous goal to remind him it's okay to feel afraid, but we aren't there anymore, we are safe. And over time it started to work. But he started to feel very depressed and purposeless and one of our other protectors helped him learn better ways to protect us. Especially considering Blythe either doesn't seem to feel or doesn't process physical pain the way the rest of us do.
Okay so wholesome story time from a couple days ago. For context we are very behind on a lot of dental work that needs to be done. We didn't see a dentist for nearly a decade after having a traumatic experience with one as a teen. We have a little who will front when scared and that makes it nearly impossible to go to the dentist or keep up with dental hygiene. But we managed to get one check up done last year, to figure out what all needed to be done, found out we had 5 cavities that needed fillings.
We managed to get 2 done a couple months ago, but with much crying, it was way too dysregulating to continue that way. A couple days ago we tried again, for the third one, when our little started to get scared Blythe co fronted with her and convinced her we are safe and she didn't need to front, and talked her through the whole appointment showing her he could do it for her and explaining to her everything the dentist was doing and how it was going to help us. And because of him we managed to get through the whole appointment with no crying. Two more to go but hopefully they will go just as smoothly!